sothis

It always irritates me when I watch something that has a misleading title. For example, if "Scary Blood Fest of Evil" ends up being a light school kid comedy about love and relationships, I’ll be a little annoyed. Equally as offensive is something called "Funny Pets" which didn’t up being funny at all. Watching ants crawl all over my foot and bite me a million times would be funnier. Making a delicious ham sandwich, only to have it stolen by rabid boar and devoured would be funnier. Watching rats eat themselves would be funnier. Vomiting all over my pants on a plane with no change of clothes (and then being attacked by snakes... on the plane) would be funnier. Pretty much pick anything you can possibly imagine, and it would be funnier. And not only was the series not funny, but the characters themselves weren’t funny. If I had to retitle this in a more appropriate fashion, I would call it "Scary-looking Idiotic Perverted and VERY NOT FUNNY Pets".

I know, I know... I’m getting ahead of myself. So what was the story of Funny Pets? News flash! There isn’t one. From the intro we get the impression that a spaceship crashed to whatever planet they are on, carrying a moon and sun "person". For whatever reason, they are living in a house with a woman (who looks like a sex robot and has little to no brainpower) and get involved in wacky misadventures which usually involve the moon feeling left out, whining and bitching and crying, and then somehow making himself look like an ass in front of the sun and girl.

Yes folks, it’s that interesting. There is little to no content that appealed to me, and really, that should appeal to anyone. At first glance it seems like Funny Pets is supposed to be aimed at children, yet there are some very disturbing episodes that seemed overly sexual to me, but that could be related to the fact that it’s been a few days since I’ve gotten any. Literally the only reason I gave any points to this section is because there was one episode that was so bizarre and almost morbid that I have to give some credit. In this episode, there’s a rainbow on the horizon. For whatever reason, any time the moon turns his back the rainbow rises, showing that it’s actually a big creepy eye. The moon suspects something is going on so he REMOVES ONE OF HIS EYES and turns his back, then holds up the eye. When he sees what’s going on, he turns towards the eye and throws both of his eyeballs towards the eye, then realizes he can’t see, staggers around, and steps on and breaks his eyes. What the hell?!

Overall I felt like I was watching a very poor version of Animal Crossing, which had to be created by someone who was on 27 hallucinogens at once, thus giving him or her poor judgment, which ultimately resulted in this pile of garbage being created. Hey Mr. Creator, I have some feedback: NOT FUNNY.

Funny Pets is 100% CGI. And by CGI I of course mean Crappy Garbage Inside. A first year graphics major could have designed this stuff. Again, I felt like I was watching a bad version of Animal Crossing. And what’s up with the freakish character designs? The empty headed girl always wore something that looked like a cross between a corset and a leotard, with enormously disproportionate breasts jutting out from it (and this is supposed to be a children’s show?). The moon character seriously looks like he’s going to go postal and eat your face off, a very large percentage of the time. He has human teeth with googly eyes and a strange mannerism. I’d be afraid that thing would put a roofie in my drink, for god’s sake! The sun character is a lot less creepy and more stupid looking. In general the graphics are terrible, the animation is terrible, the scenery is terrible, and the creators are terrible (and clearly have nothing going on upstairs) to presume this looks even remotely decent. 0.5 points for the scene with the rainbow eye and the moon’s eyes getting smashed. 0.5 points as well for the two scenes where the moon died, one of which he was bleeding!

You know how dogs and other animals react to high-pitched noises? I reacted the same way to the absolutely horrible attempts at dialogue noises coming out of the characters’ mouths. A bunch of blubbering (that sounded somewhat like Dutch o_o) is supposed to be mimicking speech, since there is no actual dialogue. Instead it just sounds like complete crap, making me want to yet again stab the creators in the face. Whose brilliant idea was it to make the creepy moon character even creepier, by giving him such creepy mumbling? The music sounded like Animal Crossing, what can I say? Boring on every level. –10 points for the creepy dialogue, -500 points in general for this series sucking so much (just thought I’d throw that in). +1 point for the stock breaking bottle noise, which is heard over and over in Wet Hot American Summer for laugh-value, so I recognized it here and had a chuckle.

There are three main characters in Funny Pets: the girl, the moon, and the sun. The girl, as mentioned before, is pretty much brain-dead. My theory is that she’s some sort of refurbished sex robot whose AI chip was replaced with parts from an old Atari 1040ST. She doesn’t do much except cry and do stupid things. The moon, as I’ve mentioned over and over, is just a creepy bastard. He’s always moping about how he’s ignored, and then does stupid shit to try to get the girl’s attention. The moon is very childish and pretty much acts like a useless toddler.

We also have a variety of secondary characters including some messed up gophers of sorts who provide the only humor (when they smash the moon’s cake... HA HA... TAKE THAT CREEPY MOON), a whale that comes out of a book, and a cabbage that has a face drawn on it. 1 point goes to the gophers for smashing moon’s cake. Otherwise I think all of the characters deserved to be thrown into a meat grinder.

Funny Pets has no redeeming value at all. Literally. It’s not funny, it’s not cute, the animation sucks, the music sucks, the dialogue is creepy, and the characters are from a freak show. It’s not good for kids, it’s not good for adults, and it’s even not good for a torture device. Seriously, just go masturbate or smash your head into the wall or something. I gave Funny Pets a generous 0.5 just because of the few violent moon scenes, because that little bitch deserved to die! Otherwise, Funny Pets only positive point is that it got me incensed enough to write a ranty review, and that’s always good times.