I'm back from sabatical, bitches!!!
I'm sorry about that time I called you all bitches. That was mean.
I have neither the time nor the patience to write a full bio.
JK, I've got plenty of time.
I have neither the creativity nor the patience to write a full bio.
Instead, I'll occasionally add snippets and random observations that will help convey to you just how hard you should be trying to avoid me. (Spoiler alert! You should be trying very, very hard.)
I grew up a closet nerd, but now I'm a full blown flaming otaku. My parents were surprisingly accepting of it. Though my mom was sad that she'll never have grandchildren.
I rate anime and manga based on my gut feelings. That way, if you're curious, you can time my heart burn flare-ups by my low star reviews.
I don't understand the physics of anime boobs.
I find it extremely difficult to be in the vicinity of cashews without immediately devouring them all. I suppose we all have our crosses to bear...
I don't use the word "cattywampus" nearly often enough.
I've found that the lower my self esteem gets, the less I leave the apartment, and the more time I have to watch anime. Huzzah!
My greatest fear is that, on my deathbed, my last words will be something exceedingly witty and insightful, but I won't have my iPhone on me to post it online.
I picked up a hitchhiker once and didn't even get murdered.
You know when someone asks you if you're hungry, and you respond, "Meh... I could eat." That's how I feel about socializing 100% of the time.
On my very first attempt, I discovered that I make a mean chicken fried steak. On my second I learned that I lack consistency.
I can't even begin to count the number of times that I started to respond to your status update, then realized that my comment was grossly inappropriate, and deleted it. You're welcome.
I believe there's a direct correlation between my lack of fresh scars and my lack of fresh stories.
If you're considering becoming my friend you should know that I have a tendancy to make unreasonable requests like, "Please don't think too poorly of me."
This shirt stinks like cigarettes, and I just got it from the wash. It's time to get more Febreze. And a new habit. ... Cocaine, maybe?
I was recently carded at 7 Eleven by an employee who claimed that I didn't look 18. The only reasonable conclusions I can draw from this is that 7 Eleven must not have a very strict drug policy.
Me to Katoire- "You're like, 98% tsun-tsun, and only 2% dere-dere. From now on I'm just pronouncing [your name] Skim Tsundere." I seriously doubt I'll ever top this comment.
I was playing chess while everyone else was playing checkers. And that's the story of how I was disqualified.
US politics is consistently the funniest thing on television.
I'm beginning to doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.
On average, humans have only one testicle. That's a statistical fact.
Anyone who draws "sexy" lolis should be on some sort of watch list.
Why don't they ever refer to the zombies in zombie movies as zombies? It's as though these movies take place in a universe where zombies exist, but zombie movies somehow don't. I find that notion even more outlandish than the concept of zombies in the first place.
Is there a DMV for attractive people that we uggos aren't allowed in? Because that place is wall to wall depression.
Being awarded, "Best Tasting Lite Beer," is like being named, "Best Smelling Turd."
There is nothing in the world more annoying than unrequited hate.
Every morning on the drive to work I pass by a porn shop cleverly titled "Adult DVD Store". Each time I see it, I can't help wondering... are there actually people, right here in Phoenix, who still haven't heard of the internet?
If I learned one thing from Iraq, it's that we as a species seriously undervalue the simple joy of having ice in our tasty beverages. Oh, and life. We also undervalue that. But mostly I learned the ice thing.
Never forget that we are all just meat robots made from star stuff.
I'm currently beta testing a new me. Bug reports and feature requests should be posted here, and I'll address them probably never. The new me is just as socially apathetic as the old me.