Warning:This review contains high doses of sarcasm,nihilism and traces of heavy language.So if you're not old enough the admins suggest that you stay away or else you'll find yourself smoking meth.
With that outta the way,Clannad....The darling of child molesters and those who have built a shrine to pray to the MOE Gods in their basement...Where they also live..I suspect those gods have eyes the size of a small moon too!
I really don't know where to start with this shit.Oh wait i got it,FUCK YOU KYOTO ANIMATION,DAMN Y'ALL TO HELL.This sickening ass juice comes from the same assholes that brought upon us 2 other plagues,Kanon and Air....The same moe shit filled croissant as most other VN's,with empty,shallow,soulless,pathetic,idiotic,daft......AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH...Girls whose only purpose is to be easy enough for the protagonist to trick so he can stick his sausage in them.THAT'S IT..You sick pedo's watching this stuff should be locked in prison for the rest of your lives.
At this point,like in every other "masterpiece" i've reviewed i expect fanbitches to get their internet weapons ready and with tears in their eyes write harsh words..Oh please fruitcakes i don't give a shit about the opinions of otaku wannabes who slam their keyboards in anger..Trust me sunshines i haven't even started,this is where the fun starts.
And when i say fun i actually mean terrible misery.That is what you get for watching this moe crap.I've read many reviews before i watched this and all i got was:"It will move every fiber of your heart,you're gonna cry your eyes out in emotional pain"....I watched it lads and all i got was some food coming out the wrong way and i was completely and utterly untouched..Clannad starts with one of the most pretentious openings in anime history.It starts with our male lead Tomoya on his way to school where he sees this girl Nagisa talking to herself.The timing is no coincindence,it was just the right time for him to hear what he needed to start his pussy conquest.Then she turns and..Welcome eyes the size of football pitch,with enough space to park a space station between them..They,then,become friends and practice for surviving in hell starts.From there on the protagonist conviniently meets women with enough problems to write at least 70 psychology books about.It's like watching a cheaply made softcore porn from the 80's.A sprinkling of a "plot" here,some development that makes sense to...Nobody at all...And you hitting your head against the wall.
Right from the get go,this anime shows shamelessly its' contrived,unrealistic and outright stupid colours.It expects us to diss reality and start believing that teenage girls have the mentality of 5 yr olds and they speak with noises.To be honest some do,BUT NOT TO THIS EXTENT.How the hell am i supposed to react and connect with such one sided,infantile pathetic excuses for characters?At least the AGU UGU and all that fuckin shit from the other 2 cancerous animes are mostly gone..But the girls still sound and appear to be retards.It's like they missed a step in evolution.I'll say it again and again.This can only appeal to pedophiles or people with a weird necrophilia fetish.I can't for the life of me explain how people find such noises cute.
My other big prob was the animation.I cannot possibly stomach the art.Those eyes with that gap between them?Seriously the gap is as big as the gap between 2 tower blocks.Don't believe me?Do you remember Sid from Ice Age?If not Google is your friend..Look at his eyes and then look at Nagisa's..Sid's eyes aren't as fucking huge,otherwise the placement is spot on.Oh yeah i forgot it's moe,it's cute,it makes funny cute nois....FUCK YOU,just like that.It's rubbish attempt at artificial cuteness that makes my stomach churn and it's taken to such extremes it becomes disgusting really quick.
Enough with that,let's look at them as characters.Like the design they're completely childish with fluttering eyelashes who only communicate with squeeking words,giggling throughout the entire show.We are supposed as viewers to believe that not only this reflects reality but also that these girls are so intelligent they can solve DaVinci's code in 2 secs.And trust me they're not even close to anything resembling smart.In fact i liked the characters the most when i wasn't looking at the screen.You can almost hear the suggestions made to the voice actors.Here you must feed drama to the viewer.This line should sound like something emotional is happening....It's so forced it's ridiculous.I would go as far as to tell you who are all the characters but there is no point.There are only girls with hair colours from the whole spectrum.That's the only distiction between them.
I don't have any strength left to write.It's pointless.Once again like Air and Kanon you're force fed the drama burger.And the drama is sooooooooooooooooooooooo badly executed with unbelievable and outrageously melodramatic storylines.It's like a competition to see which girls dramatic past is more ridiculous.I admit though that i cried a lot while watching this anime..From laughing so hard that is.I may have damaged my internal organs badly laughing.I honestly haven't seen such forced,laughable drama in ages.And i'm 31 now,so i've lived through the wretched 80's and 90's,where spantex was fashion.
I had to force myself through this,i didn't like it one bit and once again i have to wonder about the mentality of those who recommended this to me and also of those who ranked it so high.It's almost like every other harem rubbish.The only difference is that those other rubbish aren't praised by the community for reasons unknown to man,It's rubbish at drama,it's just only good at comedy,it has no story,the characters are as bad as herpes...God help us indeed if people saw this and thought:Oh fuck yeah that was the best thing i ever saw.