My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness

Alt title: Sabishisugite Lesbian Fuzoku ni Ikimashita Report

Vol: 1; Ch: 5
4.098 out of 5 from 1,511 votes
Rank #1,922
My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness

It tells a personal story of an aspiring mangaka who never had sex, or even allowed herself to think about sex outside of reading BL manga. A 28-year-old millennial who lives at home, a college dropout who's led an lonesome, unfulfilling life. She was on a path to self-destruction until she realized that she needed to live for herself and fill the voids in her heart. One of those voids happens to be the loving embrace by a woman, i.e. her mother, so on the whim, she schedules a hotel date with a female sex worker.

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This manga really hits the homerun in terms of relatability and despite the sexual context of given 'lesbian' in the title i would say anyone could read it despite being of whatever sexuality they belong to. This manga is based over the incidents which happened throught the life of the author in her journey to adulthood which covers her struggle to find employnent to the mental issues she suffered from to the pressure of parent's and society's expectations toward her and just the urge to have sex to climb that stair of being a 'true adult' who could say 'yes i've done it' as some of which, most of us has experienced in our lives at some point or another, in a really comic way yet without losing the grip over the narrative or making it feel acutually comic or exxagerated. There is no unnecessary dramatization of the characters to create the humour  but it  comes naturally from the fact that how true and relatable the story is. Coming to the aesthetical part of this manga,the artstlye and character designs.They are really simple and doodlish which we dont generally see in most mangas which deals with such a deep narrative but it doesnt affects this manga in any negative way but provides a fresh and light experience while reading such a emotionally relative story. Overall speaking 'My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness' is one of the best experience you can have while reading manga of only six chapters which would leave you thinking about life afterwards.


I really like the way the main character's eyes took up half feir face, which is weird because I often don't enjoy that type of thing. I like the pink shading, and the general skill in portraying abstract concepts through art. More than the actual events, this manga is a reflection on the various internal thoughts and subconscious hang-ups the author goes through during feir journey toward a more mentally stable life (this story is autobiographical). I appreciate feir self-reflection and ability to pinpoint some of feir attitudes and thought processes that led to eating disorders, self-harm, lethargy, and so on. Fe was constantly critical of femself and felt that since fe wasn't living properly, fe didn't have a right to eat certain types of things. Fe wanted to please feir parents and never felt affirmed by them. Fe talks about searching for that sweet nectar of having someplace to belong in life. Fe talks about how fe often felt a yearning to be touched, hugged, and how this might be related to latent sexual impulses toward feir mother. Fe talks about how being a BL-reading fujoshi with an inadequate sex education had warped feir understanding of sexualtiy and human anatomy and how years of minimal human interaction made fem unable to let feir walls down to enjoy sex. One of feir epiphanies concerns identity and the realization that fe has been suppressing feir "real" self. Personally, I don't think such a thing exists, but if processing conflicting priorities by using that concept helped fem find some mental stability then who am I to say it's a bad concept to hold. But at the same time, we've consistently seen fem having extended periods where fe feels affirmed and happy, only to have the pressure slowly build up until fe breaks down again. So even though the story ends with fem on a high note, acting like fe's discovered some secret to mental stability, I can't help but feel that fe'll eventually succumb to anxiety and self-consciousness and enter into a depressed state again. Obviously, fe's a real person, so it'd be nice if that didn't happen. Give us a happy ending, real life!

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