Valkyrie Drive -Mermaid-

[randomredneck]

It was what it was. Softcore porn, with some action sprinkled in. And I enjoyed it for how utterly shameless it was.

4 out of 5.

 

[Etue]

It was what it was. Softcore porn, with some action sprinkled in. And I enjoyed it for how utterly shameless it was.

4 out of 5.

Pretty much, yes.

 

[Meeseebae]

how do i watch it

 

[randomredneck]

how do i watch it

Preferably alone. With headphones on.

 

[g3data]

how to watch?

Preferably alone. With headphones on.

 

[Starletka]

Paging my fellow masochists @interregnum @Gens @g3data @Thrawn @Franconator and anyone else who's willing to join in

Are you all ready for your eyes and ears and brain to bleed? I sure ain't, but I'll be seeing you on the other side. So this is a friendly reminder that we're "officially" starting tomorrow (but start whenever you feel like it), pace individual, and you need to bring your own vomit bags (and booze) (and heavy drugs). But the most important thing to remember is

And, hey, if you actually manage to finish this, you'll get to cross out that one space for the ABC game, so... Absolute win?

 

[interregnum]

Are you all ready for your eyes and ears and brain to bleed?

Oh boy! I am ready to get down with the sickness!

 

[Thrawn]

Paging my fellow masochists @interregnum @Gens @g3data @Thrawn @Franconator and anyone else who's willing to join in

Are you all ready for your eyes and ears and brain to bleed? I sure ain't, but I'll be seeing you on the other side. So this is a friendly reminder that we're "officially" starting tomorrow (but start whenever you feel like it), pace individual, and you need to bring your own vomit bags (and booze) (and heavy drugs). But the most important thing to remember is

And, hey, if you actually manage to finish this, you'll get to cross out that one space for the ABC game, so... Absolute win?

 

[randomredneck]

Maybe I'll join you guys. I got a rewatch square for bingo, and I haven't seen this in a dog's age. See if it's still as shamelessly fun as it was in 2015.

 

[interregnum]

Spoiler: 1 & 2

RAD.

AS.

F***.

Spoiler: Long Version

God-damn do I love this. It's like Prison School knocked up SUPER HxEROS, but better because they're all chicks. This is incredible.

Extraneous erotic shots? Check. "B-B-But we're both giiiiiiiirls"? Check. Cyborg Butterfly dominatrix? Check. They even have some of my favorite characters' VAs voicing the main cast.

I repeat: rad as f***.

No, seriously: that MILF from the OP shows up in every episode, we're talking this show dropping into in Top Ten of all time.

...okay, not really, but I am genuinely loving the hell out of this, so far. It's ludicrous, but it rolls into it without blinking, obviously using the scintillating sexytime stuff as a shield against the inane premise while also bolstering the sexytime stuff by so deftly incorporating it into the aesthetic of the plot. It's absolutely gratuitous, but it's expertly employed. (Again: shades of Prison School, in that regard.)

Spoiler

Honestly, this is a class on how to be deliciously naughty, overtly and shamelessly erotic, and utterly gratuitous with simultaneously no purpose and absolute purpose.

Is it stupid as hell that so-and-so's bodice is loose enough that her tits jiggle-physics up to show her areolas with every other motion? Yes. Is it sexy as hell that this happens? Yes.

And it's not just that you see naughty things that makes it sexy, either; it's the moments they choose to make those moves that makes it work.

Okay, "moments" is a little misleading, since it's a constant flow of this stuff, but maybe I mean more that it's that there's always this deliberate sense of teasing, even with the flagrantly sexual scenes. Like, the Lithe Bikini Babe goin' at Buxom Bikini Babe's ample bosom clearly isn't a tease, on it own, but this changes once you consider she's doing it (in part) to unsettle Pigtail Protagonist.

(In fact, a lot of it works because she's there to blush and be shocked about it. But...I've gone on for long enough, haven't I.)

And, to that end: I love this cast of characters. I'm least impressed by our protagonists, who I find the dullest of our main gaggle--and yet I still like them both (and not just because of their spectacular racks), which is noteworthy only in that they are both character archetypes and designs I tend to frown at.

Similarly, the over-the-top sexy girls (women? are they teachers? the "lady/lady" pair) are so isn't-this-sexy-boys that I should find them visually crass, but...I dunno, it just works for me. As does the arrogant cruelty of Nails Girl and the straight-laced indifference of Commander Short Skirt, whose designs I both frikkin' love. Heck, I should find wacky Glasses Girl (Cowboy Girl? I guess?) annoying as hell, but I don't--to the point where I'm a little disappointed we didn't get more of her.

Really, I'm just impressed with the whole thing. And I'm still not sure who my top kink girl is.

Spoiler

I lie: it's Commander Short Skirt.

...except Nails Girl's got those shoes...and that bodice...

Plus, we haven't met OP MILF, yet.

Damn the character depth! How can a man choose?!

Let's hope it can keep this up.

Oh, and, for the record: I like the "Miss Virgin?" "It's Tokonome!" running gag.

...though not as much as I like that ED. (That is a good time.)

 

[Starletka]

1

Spoiler

I get it. She's slow, and for that she got isekai-ed.
What do men see in baloon titties?? Seriously. They scare me.
Must have some moves, if she can make another girl come from rubbing the outside of her hip.
Okay, but the nipple fucking was so ridiculous it actually made me burst out laughing.

I already regret my entire life that has led me to this moment. You know how I said Citrus was bad? I take that back.

 

[interregnum]

Spoiler: 3

Okay, MILF was a little bit of a letdown, in terms of her personality, but...still hot. Not just in that she's, um, shapely, but in that I am old, and so I appreciate the way in which a sensible casual outfit can be sexy.

Also, some plot happened. I guess. I dunno. Still had a great time, thought.

Thoughts and highlights:

• Pigtail Protagonist should really stick to keeping her hair down. It's a way better look.
• The Governor is soooooo not a dude.
• Holy s***, there is nothing subtle about the Lady/Lady motorbike. And I am down, yo.
• Look, show, you need to decide if Pigtails Protagonist is busty or stacked. 'Cus you keep flip-floppin'. And not in a good way.
• Logically, Buxom Bikini Babe must not like rope/whip stuff, 'cus she didn't turn into a weapon during punishment.
• Why does the Castle not care that there's a town of runaways a couple of blocks away?
• Nails Girl can't travel without a menagerie of whimpering sex slaves? Yes please.
• So, wait, is that because she needs them all to make her wings-and-gauntlets weapons?! Dude!
• Wait wait--if that's true...does Mechanical Butterfly Dominatrix's partner just, like, never un-horny herself???
• Man, it's too bad no one had any time to stop our main duo from making out for 5 minutes so they could escape.
• 90% sure that, despite Nails Girl's whole...deal...Commander Short Skirt is my girl. Kick force that tears her stockings? Yes please.

Still utterly ludicrous. So, yeah, I'm still fully on board.

What do men see in baloon titties??

They're...big? And they move all jiggly-like? I...don't know how to explain this without hand gestures.

Seriously, though, I think it's just hardwired into our DNA: the squishy bits that emphasize the hourglass shape make the brain chemicals go all happy. Like, don't get me wrong, Lithe Bikini Babe was suuuuuper hot. But I'd be lying if I said my animal brain wasn't constantly drifting my gaze away from her magnificent washboard abs and squarely onto the lush balcony of her compatriot--despite me technically thinking Lithe Bikini Babe was the hotter one.

Presumably it's something something something feeding babies.

 

[Thrawn]

Episode 1

I'm not ready

Spoiler

Now I'm ready

Japan giant boat kinda shit, it's carrying ballistic missiles
Wait what
It's a
Oh, I guess it's still carrying missiles in a missile

I don't understand too because they ain't explainin shi hold up dat bloomers

Alright alright alright, that's a start

Oh shit, agents, spooks, and she pretty stacked

Nice legs, and they didn't let her CRAB
CRABBY
CRABBBBBB
CRABCRAB

LOOK AT IT CLACK IT'S PINCERS

CRAB

Yes, it's a beach and nice lip gloss

Remember to yell or some shit to see if there are totally non-hostile natives

Ooooh, very nice
Glasses and they all got some nice racks

I don't approve of this slacking off and not being roduc
Oh
Shit
Son

Yoooooooooooooo
Shake it bake it boooty quake it

Oh yes... It's very hot indeed

Small chest is good, but that on with the watermelons is hlla wtf its a jungle, don't they teach you shit in school

huhuhuhuhuh them boobies gonna have so much sfx

loll them titties be bounc
ROFL VIRGIN

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HER NAME IS VIRGIN OLOLOLOLOLOLOL
TOKONOME IS VIRGIN

She's so easy to bully

A what or a what? More like liberating me of these pants amirite

Oh god ye- oh wait this is censored brb

Back and god yes! Look at them big ol areolllllllllllllll

God I love this show

Wait what

Titties turned into a drill gun cannon?

Small tits is pretty fit

Isn't that more like a killing call?

Ok, I rewinded and Glasses command girl's boobs bounced like massively

wut
Why all the caution shit?

lol she just penetrated that field
That is a lot of hair
And a lot of titties

Nice panties
OH SHIT YO THAT IS GANGSTA ASF
YOOOOOOOOO YOU SEE THAT SHIT FUCKIN AERIAL KINDA SHIT THAT'S BALLER AF
FUCK YEAH

Fuck that, she can be whatever she wants me to be amirite

Not even her ample hair

Nice boobs

lol it is love comedy

lol wut

Like, transfer into a gun or sword or some shit
Probs sword, swords are cool

Nice rack

So tittis is liberator and smaller titties is exers, lik she's prob some sword or some shit

Oh GOD YES THAT IS MY SHIT JUST GIANT EXPLOSIONS AND COLOUR AND SHIT
Hold on, there were titties
Oh dang, Blue was holding back! She is stacked! Not like either blondie but shit, nice titties all round!

lol dat booty smack sfx

First episode is called holy shit them titties are just bouncing like that top ain't holdin shit
Shit, had to rewind that

Right, episode is called I'm Getting Deflowered
YOOOOOOOOO HOT AS SHIT

lol they ain't even coverin her titties cuz there ain't enough blanket

Mermaid Academy?

Does Blondie have amnesia and can't speak due to trauma from her childhood? Not that she's naturally mute or anything
That would be a twist tho, the birth mute part

The fuck is all the snakes doin there
Bitin her- nice snake! tickle that booty

I love when they use German words

Balloon titties with listener over there

Saejima probably has them scary eyes

How the fuck wou- oh, she's leading. Probably knows shit

Crybaby eh?

She could use some headpats or something

WTF that is some fairy tale shit
Literally fairy tale kinda shit
Even the music is fairy tale shit

Saeka Busujima would also have long, dark hair, probably sword, katana, either not busty or incredibly so
Huh, I got dark hair right

That's kinda hot
I could use some of that too

Oh dear sweet yes

Wait what
Not that, what
I'm kinda... turned off

Yoooooo pinkie got even more massive knockers than I expected

Holy

Oh shit, what's going on? I totally lost track
Wait what, they're fighting?
Oh, that's a nice voice

Wait, what? They're fighting? Again?

OH SHIT SON
BIKER LADY
EVERYTHING ABOUT HER PANTS IN AND OUT

I'll sum up the above in a gif

Thank you for reading.

 

[Starletka]

Spoiler: 1 & 2

RAD.

AS.

F***.

Spoiler: Long Version

God-damn do I love this. It's like Prison School knocked up SUPER HxEROS, but better because they're all chicks. This is incredible.

Extraneous erotic shots? Check. "B-B-But we're both giiiiiiiirls"? Check. Cyborg Butterfly dominatrix? Check. They even have some of my favorite characters' VAs voicing the main cast.

I repeat: rad as f***.

No, seriously: that MILF from the OP shows up in every episode, we're talking this show dropping into in Top Ten of all time.

...okay, not really, but I am genuinely loving the hell out of this, so far. It's ludicrous, but it rolls into it without blinking, obviously using the scintillating sexytime stuff as a shield against the inane premise while also bolstering the sexytime stuff by so deftly incorporating it into the aesthetic of the plot. It's absolutely gratuitous, but it's expertly employed. (Again: shades of Prison School, in that regard.)

Spoiler

Honestly, this is a class on how to be deliciously naughty, overtly and shamelessly erotic, and utterly gratuitous with simultaneously no purpose and absolute purpose.

Is it stupid as hell that so-and-so's bodice is loose enough that her tits jiggle-physics up to show her areolas with every other motion? Yes. Is it sexy as hell that this happens? Yes.

And it's not just that you see naughty things that makes it sexy, either; it's the moments they choose to make those moves that makes it work.

Okay, "moments" is a little misleading, since it's a constant flow of this stuff, but maybe I mean more that it's that there's always this deliberate sense of teasing, even with the flagrantly sexual scenes. Like, the Lithe Bikini Babe goin' at Buxom Bikini Babe's ample bosom clearly isn't a tease, on it own, but this changes once you consider she's doing it (in part) to unsettle Pigtail Protagonist.

(In fact, a lot of it works because she's there to blush and be shocked about it. But...I've gone on for long enough, haven't I.)

And, to that end: I love this cast of characters. I'm least impressed by our protagonists, who I find the dullest of our main gaggle--and yet I still like them both (and not just because of their spectacular racks), which is noteworthy only in that they are both character archetypes and designs I tend to frown at.

Similarly, the over-the-top sexy girls (women? are they teachers? the "lady/lady" pair) are so isn't-this-sexy-boys that I should find them visually crass, but...I dunno, it just works for me. As does the arrogant cruelty of Nails Girl and the straight-laced indifference of Commander Short Skirt, whose designs I both frikkin' love. Heck, I should find wacky Glasses Girl (Cowboy Girl? I guess?) annoying as hell, but I don't--to the point where I'm a little disappointed we didn't get more of her.

Really, I'm just impressed with the whole thing. And I'm still not sure who my top kink girl is.

Spoiler

I lie: it's Commander Short Skirt.

...except Nails Girl's got those shoes...and that bodice...

Plus, we haven't met OP MILF, yet.

Damn the character depth! How can a man choose?!

Let's hope it can keep this up.

Oh, and, for the record: I like the "Miss Virgin?" "It's Tokonome!" running gag.

...though not as much as I like that ED. (That is a good time.)

I'm actually kind of offended you compare this to Prison School. This shit ain't got nothing on Prison School.

 

[Franconator]

I'm here, I'm here. Let's party.

Spoiler: episode 1

Ay, it's the stuff of pre-teen wet dreams: jiggling boobies, ass shots, EXPLASHUNS, fondle-activated superweapons, a deserted island, and a girl whose t-shirt's got "virgin" plastered all over it. Well okay, so it actually just says her name, but that really just makes it better. Almost. Marginally.

Feeling kinda bummed virgin girlie's the weapon and not the weapon-holder. Is that weird? I think that's weird. Maybe this is why Japan's got a population problem. Won't someone think of all the virgin lads at home simultaneously terrified and aroused by the idea of weaponized female sex? How are we gonna get them all to find real girlfriends this way?!

LADY LADY cracks me up. Like imagine if there was an all-guy version of this and the super mysterious pair was called MAN MAN. Speaking of LADY LADY (I don't know why I feel the caps are necessary either), wouldn't it be the best shit ever if that one LADY turned into that sweet motorcycle instead of those lame-ass weapons?

Spoiler: ahoy!

Franco, jumping into this blind: ME NEITHER

"Aye, I'mma shoot you with this real quick and then you'll really need a wake-up call!"

"IT IS I, LEIUTENHANT, AND I WOULD LIKE TO FILE FOR ONE MORE LETTER TO BE ADDED TO MY TITLE."

A Giant Breasts Producer. They have a Giant Breasts Producer. Always stick around for the end credits, kids, you'll never know what you'll find.

I feel like this is gonna be appropriate for every time I watch this.

 

[interregnum]

I'm actually kind of offended you compare this to Prison School. This shit ain't got nothing on Prison School.

Insofar as its employ of gratuitous nudity and sexualization is concerned, I think it's definitely similar--though, no, neither exact nor as skillful. But I'd definitely put them in the same camp, in terms of integrating purpose and naughtiness.

That said, Prison School is definitely better, make no mistake, if only because (structurally) its plot/characters/comedy comes first, with the rampant sexytime stuff being a product of the rest of the show--or, at least, an outgrowth of the author's absurd, hyperstylized aesthetic.

Here it's all about the sexytime stuff, with everything else being an excuse for the sexytime stuff. But I think there is a similar brazenness to the whole thing, especially with the stupid-ass plot for this show being actually not that intolerable, despite being held together with two details and jiggle-physics.

I guess it's that I think they both have that illusionist ability I like to think the (semi-)best storytelling has: look over here, now over here, and now over here--and you're amazed! And didn't notice how none of this holds up to scrutiny, because it all felt like it flowed...and doesn't that feel good?

That said, see my above post about brain happies.

Spoiler

Ay, it's the stuff of pre-teen wet dreams: jiggling boobies, ass shots, EXPLASHUNS, fondle-activated superweapons, a deserted island, and a girl whose t-shirt's got "virgin" plastered all over it.

"Pre-teen" means, like, 11 to about 111, right? Because yes.

Feeling kinda bummed virgin girlie's the weapon and not the weapon-holder. Is that weird? I think that's weird.

Weird that you want this or weird that it's not this?

Assuming you mean weird that you feel this way, I'd say it's not a setting that would allow for it, since they were placed in immediate danger and Pigtails Protagonist is absolutely not ready to defend herself from anything.

On the other hand, it's not weird at all that you have this impulse, because it'd be an interesting dynamic to explore, if this were more like, say, (criminally underappreciated (if admittedly flawed)) Assault Lilly BOUQUET.

wouldn't it be the best shit ever if that one LADY turned into that sweet motorcycle instead of those lame-ass weapons?

It would.

"IT IS I, LEIUTENHANT, AND I WOULD LIKE TO FILE FOR ONE MORE LETTER TO BE ADDED TO MY TITLE."

That 's just...funny. Well done.

A Giant Breasts Producer. They have a Giant Breasts Producer. Always stick around for the end credits, kids, you'll never know what you'll find.

There were...words on the screen, during the ED?

Great catch, by the way. That's genuinely incredible. I love this show.

That only problem is, I'm a little annoyed, now: I can't believe I didn't know this job was available to me!

I clearly got my masters in the wrong field (English, rather than bating).

Sidebar: watching this is keeping me from continuing with Prisma Illya, so...thank you to everyone who made this possible.

 

[Franconator]

Weird that you want this or weird that it's not this?

Assuming you mean weird that you feel this way, I'd say it's not a setting that would allow for it, since they were placed in immediate danger and Pigtails Protagonist is absolutely not ready to defend herself from anything.

On the other hand, it's not weird at all that you have this impulse, because it'd be an interesting dynamic to explore, if this were more like, say, (criminally underappreciated (if admittedly flawed)) Assault Lilly BOUQUET.

Weird that I would want it is it. brb, adding Assault Lilly Bouquet to the watchlist.

There were...words on the screen, during the ED?

This is the new "I buy the magazines for the articles," but I know nobody will believe me if I say that.

I am an incredible multi-tasker, however.

 

[Starletka]

2
Listen, I can take the huge melons all around, and the nonsense "plot", and the overall ridiculousness and shit, but ... the MC ... the child ... the literal infant ... both in mind and body ... is too much for me. Maybe it's just me, but I don't find kindergartners sexy.

Spoiler

She always dreamed of having a stripper's wedding dress? Why am I not surprised?
Wait, so the weapons can never actually have sex? Since they turn when they get excited?
LOL. You rub her boobs around a little bit and expect her to be ready to go? Worst. Lesbian. Ever. You have a dick, don't you? You expect girls to have a button you press to make them implode, like all dick-wielders do. And that's one of their very best? I would laugh in her face so hard.
Please. You're 5 a 25, fuck off.

Well, I think it's safe to say the only saving grace for this shitshow is the redheaded bifauxnen.

 

[interregnum]

You expect girls to have a button you press to make them implode, like all dick-wielders do.

Um...wow.

I thought we didn't tolerate hate speech, around here.

 

[Starletka]

Um...wow.

I thought we didn't tolerate hate speech, around here.

Okay. Like those who made this show do.