Latest Thought 2: 2 Thought 2 Furious

[Vuh]

my apparent quantification obsession and FOMO.

I feel you my dude. Less in regards to anime and more regards to "holy fuck, all my friends are reaching the end of their graduate degrees and becoming lawyers, doctors, and engineers and I still haven't even taken the LSAT". I legitimately thought I'd have a JD and LLM by now.

 

[FoodLife]

LT: It's really hot and it feels like im being cooked alive

 

[SilentBookworm]

I feel you my dude. Less in regards to anime and more regards to "holy fuck, all my friends are reaching the end of their graduate degrees and becoming lawyers, doctors, and engineers and I still haven't even taken the LSAT". I legitimately thought I'd have a JD and LLM by now.

I'm in a somewhat similar position in that I want to pursue a Master's degree but I also want to gain at least some experience in my field, plus I've been specifically thinking about going to New Zealand to get it. What's been keeping you back?

 

[Vuh]

I'm in a somewhat similar position in that I want to pursue a Master's degree but I also want to gain at least some experience in my field, plus I've been specifically thinking about going to New Zealand to get it. What's been keeping you back?

If I'm being honest, a mix between time, money, and complacency. I've been hustling the last three years between the two jobs, so I don't have a day off, ever, without taking vacation days. The up-side is that I was able to pay off my student loans last year and improve my life situation as a result with all the extra money I brought in, especially after the pandemic turbocharged my income (with pay increases, stimuli, a shit ton of overtime, and hazard pay), so for the last three years I've been among the highest earners in my immediate group of friends and colleagues. But now as more and more of my friends start entering the professions, that's not going to be the case. To say nothing of the precarious position of working 70+ hours a week and burning out at both jobs on a regular basis. I think I'm going to register for the August LSAT tonight. The good thing is that I can use the GI Bill to reimburse the testing fees and pay for tuition, so money won't be as crippling of an issue the first time I tried to get a graduate degree (the entire reason I had to drop out of my MPA program six years ago was because I ran out of money and lenders refused to lend more to me, which is what led to me joining the Army in the first place).

 

[Gens]

If I'm being honest, a mix between time, money, and complacency. I've been hustling the last three years between the two jobs, so I don't have a day off, ever, without taking vacation days. The up-side is that I was able to pay off my student loans last year and improve my life situation as a result with all the extra money I brought in, especially after the pandemic turbocharged my income (with pay increases, stimuli, a shit ton of overtime, and hazard pay), so for the last three years I've been among the highest earners in my immediate group of friends and colleagues. But now as more and more of my friends start entering the professions, that's not going to be the case. To say nothing of the precarious position of working 70+ hours a week and burning out at both jobs on a regular basis. I think I'm going to register for the August LSAT tonight. The good thing is that I can use the GI Bill to reimburse the testing fees and pay for tuition, so money won't be as crippling of an issue the first time I tried to get a graduate degree (the entire reason I had to drop out of my MPA program six years ago was because I ran out of money and lenders refused to lend more to me, which is what led to me joining the Army in the first place).

I’ve gotta be honest, working that much doesn’t leave much room to actually enjoy life and sounds extremely unhealthy. I think I’d be completely miserable if I was a slave to just working non-stop.

 

[Vuh]

I’ve gotta be honest, working that much doesn’t leave much room to actually enjoy life and sounds extremely unhealthy. I think I’d be completely miserable if I was a slave to just working non-stop.

Oh yeah no it's miserable as shit. My friends, colleagues (from both jobs), and family have been asking me recently to take it easy and I've Blue Screened a couple times in the last year and a half. Thankfully my therapist from the military taught me a lot of resiliency exercises and methods to clear my head space to just last one more day. I think I only have a few more thousand dollars to clear before I'm comfortable enough reducing my hours to 48. I mean, I'm used to it since I've always had at least two things going on simultaneously since I was 16, but 13 years of either working two jobs or a job and full-time school is rapidly, rapidly taking its toll. I 100% can't sustain this pace to 2022.

 

[Starletka]

LT: What if I just don't do any work today? What if I just stare at an empty wall and dissociate for 8,5 hours and someone else does this shit for a change?

 

[SilentBookworm]

I wonder if every title deleted from a streaming service is due to copyright or if they'll sometimes arbitrarily announce they'll delete a title purely to drive people to watch it through FOMO.

 

[Thrawn]

LT: What if I just don't do any work today? What if I just stare at an empty wall and dissociate for 8,5 hours and someone else does this shit for a change?

You would be able to create a thesis on the philosophical intricacies of the dichotomy of good and evil with all that thinking time, like staying awake and not being able to sleep.

 

[Vega]

LT: Haven't been doing well lately. This is gonna be more of a vent post so I'll spoiler tag it.

Spoiler

I don't know what to do anymore. Loneliness issues creeping back in again on top of my other mental health problems and all the shit in my life that I know I need to address at some point. I have zero clue what I'm going to do in regards to income since I don't really know what jobs I can take that I can actually handle (plus I'll likely need to have an arrangement like having every other day off so I can take some time to chill, this would depend on the job of course but if it's another high stress one I NEED to have days off or I won't be able to function), the people I'd like to hang out with are too far away, and the worst part (and part of what led to me feeling like this recently) is that I've been trying to look for places and such that might be fun to check out but I can't find ANYTHING that I'm particularly interested in. As much as I've talked about moving out of this area to someplace with a bit more options I'm now asking myself, would things really be better or would I just be in the same situation I am now? Chances are things would probably just be the same, if I was alone.

To be honest I've always been adverse, or at worst resistant to trying anything new that I'm unfamiliar with but lately I've been coming to a sort of realization that maybe if I was with the right person this wouldn't be the case nearly as much. That leads me to my next point: I have no clue what kind of relationship I actually want or would be the most comfortable with. Like, do I want to be with just one person? Multiple people? Something on a more casual basis that forms a bit of a wider support network (not with everything all directed at myself of course but more like mutual love/support/friendship)? It doesn't help that I lack the experience needed to really figure these things out with certainty, and the one relationship sort of experience that I had was one in which I was manipulated into a relationship that I deep down really did not want. Long story short, when my abuser really wanted something she'd make vague yet extremely obvious implications that she'd harm herself if you didn't do what she wanted. I hate admitting this since it's been so many years since then (this was way before I joined AP) but it seems to have fucked me up so bad that the idea of a more traditional sort of relationship fills me with dread sometimes. At the very least I think it's a good thing that I'm at least trying to figure out what I want instead of just thinking that one way is the only way that exists. What I do know is I want a situation I'd be happy with rather than trying to force myself to conform with what society considers normal.

I know I can't expect all these issues to be fixed overnight but at this rate it feels like I'm going to be in an endless loop of sorts forever. I know life is unpredictable and such, as my best friend always tells me, and who knows what could happen in a few months/years down the road but I just hope I don't completely lose my mind before then.

 

[Franconator]

Been laying low IRL for the last couple of weeks, but I'm still so tired all the time. I've been sending in the random job application here and there because I don't want to live off freelance gigs forever, but lately I'm keeping myself busy with movies, TV, books, and um... anime. Geez. So much anime. I think I'll give it a break next season.

In other news, my brother and I just got into Garth Marenghi's Darkplace because he's watching Loki and I'm not and we usually try and watch something together every month, and it's been great so far.

 

[ZetsubouKaiji]

Went to adopt a cat today. Came home with two. A pair of black siblings. They are now Lucifer and Lilith. They are just feeling out their new digs. Their bro Perseus finds them a bit sus.

 

[Rascal]

Went to adopt a cat today. Came home with two. A pair of black siblings. They are now Lucifer and Lilith. They are just feeling out their new digs. Their bro Perseus finds them a bit sus.

Persus

 

[cotyy]

LT: God, i hate uniforms.
Its winter over here, right? And the uniform for girls is a skirt and a plain shirt. This set is fine for summer, but it sucks balls in winter. Its unfair that the guys get to wear pants and i have to freeze my ass off with this dumb skirt. My friend try to convince the principal so that girls could wear the guys pants in winter, and he basically just said, "That's fine, but what if a guy wants to wear a skirt? We can't have that" :) We have a P.E uniform we use twice a week that has pants, but I can't just wear it all week, all winter. You can use long socks with the skirt, but it's not nearly as warm as a pant.
Its just unfair.

 

[SilentBookworm]

"Maybe I should try an alternative writing program to get me focused" < "You'll never use it"

"I should definitely read my colossal collection of books, they'd provide inspiration and show me how to write" < "Do you really have the time or energy? Plus there's that massive streaming queue you're already waist deep in"

"I ought to go out to a nature reserve and just walk about, it could be nice to clear my head" < "You're not gonna think of anything new, it's just gonna be the same stuff or you're head will be empty the whole time"

It's times like these I wonder if maybe I'm a tad too self-critical and introspective.

 

[Vega]

LT: Wanted to mention that I'm feeling better than yesterday! Came up with a bit of a plan. Short version is that next time I see a therapist I'm going to primarily be there to at least get pointed in the right direction, if they can't do that it'll probably mean cycling through a bunch of shit until I find someone who can but we'll see what happens. My last therapist wasn't bad by any means but for the sake of my sanity I really can't afford to sit around for nearly a whole year only being told that I need to figure out everything instead of getting pointed towards something that has a chance of really helping. Also had some long conversations with a few friends of mine which really helped.

Here's hoping this little plan works but we'll see. I plan on setting stuff up after the weekend.

 

[randomredneck]

LT: The fuck, man. Saphie The One Eyed Cat just ended out of the blue. This blows.

 

[RogueLynx]

LT: God, i hate uniforms.
Its winter over here, right? And the uniform for girls is a skirt and a plain shirt. This set is fine for summer, but it sucks balls in winter. Its unfair that the guys get to wear pants and i have to freeze my ass off with this dumb skirt. My friend try to convince the principal so that girls could wear the guys pants in winter, and he basically just said, "That's fine, but what if a guy wants to wear a skirt? We can't have that" :) We have a P.E uniform we use twice a week that has pants, but I can't just wear it all week, all winter. You can use long socks with the skirt, but it's not nearly as warm as a pant.
Its just unfair.

if you can't have guys wearing skirts, then just get rid of the skirts altogether and make it pants (and shorts? in summer?) for everyone. y'all should hire some people to... persuade... your principal to wear a skirt for one winter's day. speaking more realistically, is there no way for y'all's parents to pressure him?

 

[Vuh]

if you can't have guys wearing skirts, then just get rid of the skirts altogether and make it pants (and shorts? in summer?) for everyone. y'all should hire some people to... persuade... your principal to wear a skirt for one winter's day. speaking more realistically, is there no way for y'all's parents to pressure him?

Skirts in the winter never made sense to me, even if someone is wearing something like leggings underneath. Like homie, it's fucking cold. There've been times where I've had to wear sweatpants or polypropylene cold weather gear under my jeans in the winter just to not die of exposure waiting for the bus. Fuck that.

LT: So many errands to run and tasks to do. So little vacation days. Fuck. If I'd known I'd have this many appointments and tasks to accomplish in the second half of the year I would've never taken a one week vacation in March. I've got the first stage of my NJ driving permit exam in July, gotta take two days off for the LSAT in August, need to see my doctor, need to visit a pharmacy, need to get new eyeglass frames. And that's just personal errands! I still have to clean the siding of the house, repair the fence, bring some old chemicals to the HAZMAT center. Too much to do!