Hand Shakers

Holy shit guy, I had to use the search bar to find this. This is barely on the third page of Currently Airing which must mean people think it's shit, they forgot about it or it's shit. My money's on the third one. And instead of watching the good shit of the season or Birdy, I'm watching this.

First 15 seconds and I can see why.

Episode 1: A Firm Grip

I can stand the animated angle flip thing because I'm lax like that and the MC being a pussy because this is a good scene to give a first impression of our pussy MC but the CGI fire and buildings and shit are shit.

You ever get that feeling of horrible dread in the pit of your stomach? I just did. This looks like shit.

The stomach pains are getting worse and holy shit the animation is getting worse. I am worried for my sanity and my stomach as every single part of the animation and art are complete and absolute shit. Usually I give zero shits about animation for non-titty shows but this goes above and beyond in being shit. This is the complete opposite of Onihei and I haven't even seen it. Watching it before or after would make Onihei look like a masterpiece and this look even shittier than it already is.

Barely a minute has passed and I can't bare to watch this anymore. I fear I may get projectile vomit on my screen.

"What is a Hand Shaker?" at the end of the prologue makes it less "Haha, what a dumb title" and more "I just ate something questionable and don't know if I have a minute to live or five".

I will take any other animation than the prologue shit. Dynamic camera angles and all. Seriously.

Also, I should not have gotten ginger ale. I need wine and lots of it.

Pause again. The CGI imposed with more "Traditional shit" makes me again, want to vomit. Fuck man, just... fuck.

Aw shit son, guy has gold chains on his kicks! The only good thing so far.

Oh my god... not even jiggling is saving this! WHY THE FUCK CAN'T THIS BE ANIMATED LIKE THAT WEIRD FETISH CRAP.

"Nimrod". This show isn't pulling any punches in being the most dumbfuck retarded ass shit of the season. This is the 800lb gorilla.

I miss Edgivores...

Holy shit guy! Even in scenes of shitty CGI, everything is dynamic camera angles! It's almost funny.

The phone is shit. His screen is shit. That guy should roll in a ditch for his phone.

To stay sane, I will accept that the president moving by mini-hop causes mad bouncing.

Told you MC is a pussy.
Bro tried to set you up you nutsack! Man, fuck this MC.

I have the exact same screwdriver. A set of them infact.

Oh man, will it turn into some Persona shit? ....nah, it can't be that interesting.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFF- THE PROFESSOR WOULD UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WANT TO GET SOME POON-TANG

Interlude with fixing a dude's car because this dumbfuck MC is a genius with all things mechanical.

Laptop looks like shit.
Fucking po-mo hipster furnishings.
No fucking shit there is something inside. People don't lock up empty rooms with electronic locks for shits and giggles.

I'm at zero sympathy for this MC and negative "Give shits".

I'm sure your sister had white hair.

You know, I prefer this than the gratuitio- wait, why is it- oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit ohshitohshitohshitohshit

This is some trippy persona-vibe shit right here, thankfully not shitty CGI chains.

Her hair got pink and her eyes changed. That's rad.
"Hand shaker", just hearing that now fills me with disgust.

Doctor got me two guffaws. Favorite character. Saying "Welcome Hand Shaker" in English with questionable animation and pretty much zero mouth movement puts him streets ahead of MC. Man, the art style is already going to shit in general. CGI/Non-CGI scenes are converging into an equal level of shit. Syncing is also kinda shitty.

All the fine honeys in this show are pale. That's rad.

Fucking predictable ass progression. Let go of hand, cutie dies. Wanking just got awkward.

Makihara-sensei ghosted the fuck out of there. He's smart because and earthquake occurs, a harbinger of a cruel and cold winter of shit.

They are between the ages of 10 and 18. Probably 14-18.

I guess smashing through rocks or breaking glass would produce a near universal sound.

Oh my god, what the fuck? I am actually rooting for that sadism douche. He is completely unlikable in every sense of the word and I want him to kill the MC.

NO FUCKING SHIT MC. THE GUY WHO HAS ALL THE CHAINS AND SHIT WITH A MASOCHIST CHAINED UP IS THE ONE WHO FUCKING CAUSED ALL THIS FUCKING DAMAGE.

I desperately do not want to watch this anymore.

Boobs work that way. Fact.

I really don't care that they're replaying the credits. It just means that it's ending soon.

Only a couple more minutes... Must keep all blood in eyes...

I don't care how many times his hair color changes.

I don't even care that the fight ended on a chiffhanger despite MC clearly winning.

I don't care how one is using gears and the others chains and the similarities between the two.

I don't care how much CGI they use.

I just care that it's now ending.

Preview looks like an improvement because it has less CGI. I'm sure it'll fuck up the bathing somehow.

TL:DR, this is one of the shittiest opening episodes for any series that I can recall. 95% of this was shit and 80% of that was the animation. Everything about it was shit. The CGI, the traditional Japanese animation that isn't shitty CGI, the meshing of CGI and non-CGI, the syncing, the boob physics, the art direction, the actual animation, the dynamic camera that accentuated the shittiness of everything. And EVERY FUCKING SCENE HAD A FUCKING DYNAMIC CAMERA ANGLE. EVERY FUCKING SCENE MAAAAAN. But seriously, there were more dynamic angles than non-dynamic angles.

The plot got more and more retarded as it went on, instead of being generic shit. It's like the amount of fucks given got to the point where they owed fucks that they just didn't have. This shit is so bad that it makes me want to watch Bloodivores instead and that was shit. There was barely anything redeemable and in this context, that is simply things that aren't shit. The Class President who is mad stacked and parts of that Scientist Guy are quite possibly the only redeemable qualities and even they have their flaws at the whims of the old testament gods "Animation" and "Syncing". The music and sound are completely unremarkable aside from the phrase "Welcome Hand Shaker" or something of the like in English. And the only iota of enjoyment I got from it was President bouncing around and two guffaws from Scientist Guy. That was it. Out of 24 long as fuck minutes that is the only positive I have for this. That is how fucking shitty this is.

TL:DR of the TL:DR, this show sucks ass.
 
Jesus, I have to make some popcorn before I read that full Thrawn rant. Missed 'em.

Everything I've read about this episode points to the same exact flaws. It can't be coincidence, the animation work and direction must suck serious ass. I'm almost... curious...
 
Good old Go Hands churning out complete and total shit like always. Can't say I'm surprised considering the only good tv series they've done is basically seitokai.
 
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Jesus, I have to make some popcorn before I read that full Thrawn rant. Missed 'em.

Everything I've read about this episode points to the same exact flaws. It can't be coincidence, the animation work and direction must suck serious ass. I'm almost... curious...
the glorious effect of @Thrawn's rants about shit is that it makes you watch shit, even though you know up front that it's shit

definitely checking this one out
 
I watched up to the halfway mark then ejected the player to go do anything else. This is what I got out of the first half.

-Spinning camera angles that don't look stylish or interesting, just silly and disorienting.
-Cringeworthy, random SM situation that had me lowering the volume in a hurry. My mother in the adjacent room likely thinks I was watching some shitty Chinese porn just now.
-Maybe the most awkward boob jiggle physics ever.
-Horrendous CG. How you fuck up a bunch of chains so badly, I may never find out.
-Actually competent work on backgrounds and regular animation gone to waste by virtue of lack of camera focus and shitty filters. K ended up being shit, but the cerulean-ish filter Go Hands used on that was way more palatable than this incohesive mess.
-Mediocre, jumpy ass storytelling.

And I didn't even make it to the second half, which I'm guessing is where most of the action takes place and thus most of what I said above gets amplified a bazillion times.
 
I watched up to the halfway mark then ejected the player to go do anything else. This is what I got out of the first half.

-Spinning camera angles that don't look stylish or interesting, just silly and disorienting.
-Cringeworthy, random SM situation that had me lowering the volume in a hurry. My mother in the adjacent room likely thinks I was watching some shitty Chinese porn just now.
-Maybe the most awkward boob jiggle physics ever.
-Horrendous CG. How you fuck up a bunch of chains so badly, I may never find out.
-Actually competent work on backgrounds and regular animation gone to waste by virtue of lack of camera focus and shitty filters. K ended up being shit, but the cerulean-ish filter Go Hands used on that was way more palatable than this incohesive mess.
-Mediocre, jumpy ass storytelling.

And I didn't even make it to the second half, which I'm guessing is where most of the action takes place and thus most of what I said above gets amplified a bazillion times.

Awww, fuck man. I resisted up to this point. Even @Thrawn 's glorious rant didn't tempt me, but you not making it past half an episode makes me too curious to pass this up. I'mma check to see how many episodes this is going to be. If it's only one cour, then I'll probably jump into this cesspit.

Edit: 12 episodes. DL'ing now.
 
Episode 1:

PkEg2UT.gif


Holy moly! You guys were not exaggerating one bit about what an utter anal prolapsed anus this episode was. I've not seen an action scene this poorly directed since the last time I watched one of the Bayformers movies. The whole opening scene reminded me a lot of Bay's soulless style with the meaningless swooping camera and constant quick cutting that makes a lot of the action incomprehensible. However, this was even worse than what I've seen from Bay, because holy shit that CG chains were the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. I'm with Link because I have no fucking clue how you can fuck up chains this badly. I mean fucking hell, you might not even realize they are chains if it wasn't for the constant clanking sound.

Wait a minute...an edgelord S&M Villain clad in leather and chains are his weapons? Fuck you with a rusty spoon Handshakers. I only recognize one fetish clad S&M villain that uses chains:

3GUqaYE.gif


The little douchebag in this episode thinks he knows pain? Pinhead would eat his candy ass for breakfast.

Oh god, well, five minutes into the episode. and I've got a fucking headache and my eyes are bleeding. Might as well keep going.

eMKNDVC.gif

Thanks Pinhead, I'mma need all the encouragement I can get to get through this episode.

Oh thank fuck, things have slowed down now that we're not in the middle of an action scene...HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER GAZONGAS? I mean, I saw Link mention this, but again in my naivety I though, yeah, but I've played DOA so I know how bad boob jiggle can get, but fuck my sideways this blows that out of the water. The tits in this episode function on a delay and their movement doesn't even bear the faintest relationship to how the rest of the body is movie. It's fucking disconcerting to see a character move and then a second later their milkbags will start doing the wave. I've never seen anything this fucked up.

OqxWsjc.gif

I'm trying Pinhead, I really am.

So the writing can't be that bad...right? Oh let me fucking tell you. Sure on the surface it just seems bland, but even then there are little cracks of shit seeping through and soaking my poor damaged eyes. Let's just have every fucking character mention how the protagonist is good with machines and then we'll have him mention that he just gets lost when fixing something three fucking times in three different scenes. Just stahp anime, it's like you realized that opening has caused me massive brain damage and now you have to splain everything to me multiple times.

After some cliche backstory, I recover a bit just in time for more fucking action scenes. God. damn. it.

zU5KSU0.gif

Yeah, I know I chose to watch this despite all the warnings.

The action if anything looks even more assy than in the opening scene. This time there's even more hentai moaning as S&M douche douches up the screen, while the main dude does fuck all until the last second.

Oh and can we just talk about all the dumb terminology. Nimrods, Handshakers, something about Ziggy Stardust...I don't know what the fuck S&M dick was talking about.

In summation don't watch this unless having a dick in a leather jacket grinding his foot into your crotch is your idea of a good time.

mLQ2pe6.jpg
 
This is disappointing. I was hoping this wouldn't suck. Based on everyone's reaction though... guess I won't bother with this.
 
Episode 1:

PkEg2UT.gif


Holy moly! You guys were not exaggerating one bit about what an utter anal prolapsed anus this episode was. I've not seen an action scene this poorly directed since the last time I watched one of the Bayformers movies. The whole opening scene reminded me a lot of Bay's soulless style with the meaningless swooping camera and constant quick cutting that makes a lot of the action incomprehensible. However, this was even worse than what I've seen from Bay, because holy shit that CG chains were the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. I'm with Link because I have no fucking clue how you can fuck up chains this badly. I mean fucking hell, you might not even realize they are chains if it wasn't for the constant clanking sound.

Wait a minute...an edgelord S&M Villain clad in leather and chains are his weapons? Fuck you with a rusty spoon Handshakers. I only recognize one fetish clad S&M villain that uses chains:

3GUqaYE.gif


The little douchebag in this episode thinks he knows pain? Pinhead would eat his candy ass for breakfast.

Oh god, well, five minutes into the episode. and I've got a fucking headache and my eyes are bleeding. Might as well keep going.

eMKNDVC.gif

Thanks Pinhead, I'mma need all the encouragement I can get to get through this episode.

Oh thank fuck, things have slowed down now that we're not in the middle of an action scene...HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER GAZONGAS? I mean, I saw Link mention this, but again in my naivety I though, yeah, but I've played DOA so I know how bad boob jiggle can get, but fuck my sideways this blows that out of the water. The tits in this episode function on a delay and their movement doesn't even bear the faintest relationship to how the rest of the body is movie. It's fucking disconcerting to see a character move and then a second later their milkbags will start doing the wave. I've never seen anything this fucked up.

OqxWsjc.gif

I'm trying Pinhead, I really am.

So the writing can't be that bad...right? Oh let me fucking tell you. Sure on the surface it just seems bland, but even then there are little cracks of shit seeping through and soaking my poor damaged eyes. Let's just have every fucking character mention how the protagonist is good with machines and then we'll have him mention that he just gets lost when fixing something three fucking times in three different scenes. Just stahp anime, it's like you realized that opening has caused me massive brain damage and now you have to splain everything to me multiple times.

After some cliche backstory, I recover a bit just in time for more fucking action scenes. God. damn. it.

zU5KSU0.gif

Yeah, I know I chose to watch this despite all the warnings.

The action if anything looks even more assy than in the opening scene. This time there's even more hentai moaning as S&M douche douches up the screen, while the main dude does fuck all until the last second.

Oh and can we just talk about all the dumb terminology. Nimrods, Handshakers, something about Ziggy Stardust...I don't know what the fuck S&M dick was talking about.

In summation don't watch this unless having a dick in a leather jacket grinding his foot into your crotch is your idea of a good time.

mLQ2pe6.jpg

Perfection. And just want to note that I thought his foot was heel deep in her. The camera angle was too dynamically shitty for me to really tell without this screenshot.
 
I'm not sure whether I should cave to my curiosity, watch this and regret it for the rest of my life; or follow my common sense and act as if this show doesn't exist at all.
 
I'd advise against anyone subjecting themselves to this potentially seizure inducing crap with zero payoff.......I mean zero.......literally nothing happens.
 
Episode 1:

PkEg2UT.gif


Holy moly! You guys were not exaggerating one bit about what an utter anal prolapsed anus this episode was. I've not seen an action scene this poorly directed since the last time I watched one of the Bayformers movies. The whole opening scene reminded me a lot of Bay's soulless style with the meaningless swooping camera and constant quick cutting that makes a lot of the action incomprehensible. However, this was even worse than what I've seen from Bay, because holy shit that CG chains were the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. I'm with Link because I have no fucking clue how you can fuck up chains this badly. I mean fucking hell, you might not even realize they are chains if it wasn't for the constant clanking sound.

Wait a minute...an edgelord S&M Villain clad in leather and chains are his weapons? Fuck you with a rusty spoon Handshakers. I only recognize one fetish clad S&M villain that uses chains:

3GUqaYE.gif


The little douchebag in this episode thinks he knows pain? Pinhead would eat his candy ass for breakfast.

Oh god, well, five minutes into the episode. and I've got a fucking headache and my eyes are bleeding. Might as well keep going.

eMKNDVC.gif

Thanks Pinhead, I'mma need all the encouragement I can get to get through this episode.

Oh thank fuck, things have slowed down now that we're not in the middle of an action scene...HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER GAZONGAS? I mean, I saw Link mention this, but again in my naivety I though, yeah, but I've played DOA so I know how bad boob jiggle can get, but fuck my sideways this blows that out of the water. The tits in this episode function on a delay and their movement doesn't even bear the faintest relationship to how the rest of the body is movie. It's fucking disconcerting to see a character move and then a second later their milkbags will start doing the wave. I've never seen anything this fucked up.

OqxWsjc.gif

I'm trying Pinhead, I really am.

So the writing can't be that bad...right? Oh let me fucking tell you. Sure on the surface it just seems bland, but even then there are little cracks of shit seeping through and soaking my poor damaged eyes. Let's just have every fucking character mention how the protagonist is good with machines and then we'll have him mention that he just gets lost when fixing something three fucking times in three different scenes. Just stahp anime, it's like you realized that opening has caused me massive brain damage and now you have to splain everything to me multiple times.

After some cliche backstory, I recover a bit just in time for more fucking action scenes. God. damn. it.

zU5KSU0.gif

Yeah, I know I chose to watch this despite all the warnings.

The action if anything looks even more assy than in the opening scene. This time there's even more hentai moaning as S&M douche douches up the screen, while the main dude does fuck all until the last second.

Oh and can we just talk about all the dumb terminology. Nimrods, Handshakers, something about Ziggy Stardust...I don't know what the fuck S&M dick was talking about.

In summation don't watch this unless having a dick in a leather jacket grinding his foot into your crotch is your idea of a good time.

mLQ2pe6.jpg
I don't know anything about this show, but this post gets a like for Pinhead.
 
Episode 1

5 minutes in and what the fuck
Are those chains supposed to look like those shitty chav chains that were big in the late 90s, early 00s? Like this?

sFWlgwe.jpg


That fucking boob jiggle. I knew something weird was going to happen, but I would not have predicted that. It's like the laws of physics are applying themselves differently to different parts of her body.

It doesn't end there though, it seems Pres likes to jiggle her tits when listening to music too.

There's some weird kind of uncanny valley feeling with the character designs too, something just looks very wrong, but I can't quite place it.

Please drop the filter. It's giving me a headache.

The guy fixes things. I get it.

That uncanny valley stretches into the movement too, it's like they have a kind of understanding how the human body moves, but they're missing a crucial detail.

That bike was surprisingly well drawn, but awfully animated.

IS THERE SOMETHING INSIDE THAT DOOR? HOW WEIRD WOULD IT BE IF THERE WAS A ROOM BEHIND THAT DOOR?

Flashbacks

It's too late to start with the "interesting" visuals guys, you've already shit the bed.

This is only half way through? Fuck me.

This doctor needs to fuck off, jesus fuck what the hell is even happening with him? Is that just a photo of a hospital bed with characters animated on top of it? The Chains of Edge are back. This time they are covered in fire.

H-HAYAI!!

These fucking sex noises. It's like watching a bad JAV.

Nimrod? Are they trying to insult me?

tfw not a hand shaker ;___;

More jiggle physics.

All these gears, fucking hell it's like some emo-kids 2002 DeviantArt profile.

White hair power up. Gear sword. This is so great.

Literally AOTS.
 
Hand Shakers: Episode 1 - The Phantom Handshake

... "phantom" because there was no handshake...

The first thing I can say to objectify how bad this is, is have you all take a look at the things this series is ripping off:
  • Double Arts, which did the "fight while holding hands" earlier and better
  • Soul Eater (and Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid) which did the "fight by syncing and crap" better (this aspect of the show hasn't been outright stated yet, but it seems obvious and I'm sure they'll give us some exposition next episode)
  • On a more direct level, Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid, since goth girl seemed to get stronger because of the power of horny and orgasm
  • Kagaku na Yatsura, which did the tentacle rape better
  • Dragon Ball Z (and Fairy Tail) which did the hair colour change to power up better.
  • Every anime ever where the MC has a sickly or dead younger sister
And I'm probably forgetting a ton of stuff here...

Next, the mammoth in the box (because the "elephant in the room" isn't quite the term I'd use here): the fucking animation, artstyle, cinematography and everything visual. Simply put, it's nauseating. The bad CG, the dynamic scenes (WHY TAKE A DYNAMIC SHOT OF THE BACK OF A CHAIR?), the chains, the fucking boob physics... like, did they use the stretching tool and just let some random student do whatever he wanted with those jugs?

The colour pallette also looks astoundingly bad.


It's like they wanted to recreate the audiovisual experience of K Project but forgot to do it in moderation... or actually forgot to make it look decent, for that matter

And apparently we're not doing anatomy anymore either
74i5EAp.png

For a company called GoHANDS they sure don't seem to like hands...


And then, last but not least: our MC is FUCKING TERRIBLE ALREADY. He's the kind of guy they throw in because they need an MC with whom the audience can sympathise at a minimum level. You can already tell that his obsession with fixing things comes from not being able to "fix" his sister, which is one of the most overused and annoying tropes ever.
And the whole "go into someone's room, open a door you're not supposed to open, walk up to a sleeping patient and stare at her because she reminds me of my dead sister" is fucking sick as well.
tl;dr:
HL6cjT7.png

 
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