Dungeons & Dragons Thread

I've never played actual D&D (I've played various D&D related computer games like Baldur's Gate and Pool of Radiance) but these posts are fascinating. Maybe someday I'll finally get around to checking it out...
What you wanna do is play with a group of buddies. That's half the fun.

Does this actually happen in some D&D games? xD
Way back in our first campaign, our Paladin pulled a phrasing by saying "I drop to my knees in front of you". The entire table laughed. Every time he stopped to pray, we all yelled "To suck his dick!"
 
We played _alot_ of D&D 4th ed. More or less 2 times every week for a few years. It was great and gave all characters and classes shining moments and the adaptability to be almost anything they wanted but still have the flavor of their class. Effects in the game were smooth and had keywords that always meant that something worked in a specific way. A blast was a blast and a spray was a spray, line of sight was a thing and cover had a coherent mechanism.
Then they realeased the books that tried to be both 4th ed and work like earlier editions and they whacked up the balance of feats and gameplay. Then they released 5th ed and went back to the old times where clerics heal, wizards cast unbalanced spells and warriors hit things with their sword, and effects were subjective again. So we more or less said fuck this.
Now we play StarWars.
 
We had a 4th player death. We're currently in a sunken boat in a dry sea location (basically that one fallout 2 location) and we had to bust out one important npc from prison, then blow up the middle stairs to captain's deck to isolate rest of the town, then bossfight the ""captain"". It was funny how much we've grown since the last one, now instead of looting him right at the spot and risk more attention we tactically left one player behind to do it, then join the rest of the battle afterwards if he can.
 
Then they released 5th ed and went back to the old times where clerics heal, wizards cast unbalanced spells and warriors hit things with their sword, and effects were subjective again.
The Cleric I DM for wrestles enemies and fucks up people with lightning storms. Not sure who this "healer" you speak of is.
 
Cleric or Bard are probably my favorite classes to play in 3.5, though this time around my buddies and I are playing a non-magic and total mundane (no elves, dwarves, tieflings etc) campaign and I've got a beastmaster/alchemist (I need to be able to heal when I play). She's basically a crazy medieval hedge-witch that uses Norse myth to justify how she was able to make penicillin and thinks anyone who uses science is backwards and ignorant. My smol 4'5" master of modern medicine is a beautiful person with a very well trained bear.
 
The one with _alot_ less options than the one in 4th ed.
Clerics in 5E get eight Divine Domains to choose from. Only Wizards have as many subclasses currently, and only one of those subclasses makes the Cleric a "healbot."(and said subclass also gives the cleric heavy armor proficiency)
The rest give a whole bunch of different specialties across the spectrum.
 
And that is all good and well. But it is still less versatile than in the fourth ed. And quite alot less versatile. As are all the other classes.
My peeve with it is that they went backwards instead of forwards in the fifth ed.
 
I had my first player death this week. May there be many more.
I remember the (So far only) death we've had in a campaign. Our Paladin (Or a Wizard. I forget which) got all mad that our Necromancer tricked a bunch of guys into becoming our zombie pirate crew. She tried fighting him. He rolled a nat 20 and made her heart explode.
 
I had my first player death this week. May there be many more.
Ech. I've yet to experience that outside a oneshot yet.

I've had a good few sessions lately, though I still suffer from chronic under-preparation syndrome for the specific session notes.
I seem to only get into my writing mojo when there's a strict time limit, though it's good I otherwise know the setting.
I actually for the first time ever managed to make a complete battlemap pre-session, using expendable grid paper.
A lot of my dungeon maps are actually just repurposed cool shit I find on the internet, and it's great to be able to actually show the players pictures to help them visualize.
So for this battle, I could have my players look at this image:
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And then have them battle on this grid drawn with permanent marker:
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I added several props on top of it as well.
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So my players managed to sneak their way to and steal the Mcguffin, disabling the newly found superweapon of the pirate baddies.
They didn't quite manage to pull off the stealthy attack they wished, and ended up immediately alerting the entire lair once battle did break out, causing combat to become a rush before the lair could descend on them.
Some well placed thunder spells let them jam the thick steel doors long enough to make away with the McGuffin, though they almost had the dang thing fire off in the process, which would have vaporized them instantly just by being in the unprotected vicinity of it (and would maybe have wiped half the town below off the map, and having the other half catch on fire). Even grabbing the pulsing crystal container required a dex check to see if the sorcerer would be able to grab it while the pulse was on the low. (at the start of this campaign, a similar McGuffin almost one-shotted the sorcerer because he grabbed two of them at once without regard for their pulse rythm)
Then there was an extremely hectic chase as the right hand woman of the arc's BBEG was among the first to breach the chamber(and they were tapped for most their spells, and generally wounded), and I kept a very frantic narration pace as they were running through corridors, and I was constantly pressuring them for what they would do next to sabotage pursuit.
When they finally reached the top, there was a mad dash for the nearby forest, athletics checks all around, baddie hot on their heels.

Yeah like that.
As they entered the forest, baddie used a 300-foot range screech ability to try to paralyze them for a round. Half the party failed and fell to the ground, but the other half managed to lift them away before Evard's Black Tentacles was used on the exact same spot they fell just moments before.
Had they failed this very last challenge, they would have been done for, but they got away and are at the moment safe from immediate pursuit while dashing through the forest, though not for long...
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I'm basically going to have the pirates burn the dry forest down after them next session. They'll reason the Mcguffin can handle the heat easily and can then simply be found afterwards.
The party will be hounded by fleeing beasts, and when they try to find rest there will be scouting parties out and about.
And the abandoned farm to the west of the forest, which the town's resistance folk pointed out as a hiding place, will have some unexpected inhabitants as well...
Let's see how the party deals with that!
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One of my players implied he might buy the Dwarvenforge starter map tile set, even though he doesn't DM.
I, of course, would be allowed to play around with it.
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