Alita: Battle Angel

I remember the days when I thought Robert Rodriguez was a promising talent if he could mature a little without losing his personality. It seems like he's done none of that.
 
After watching the most recent meh trailer. I think it's safe to say that Detective Pikachu is our only hope of a good western anime adaptation.
 
Ryan Reynolds will save anime faster than Cameron will destroy it. Think about that.

As much as I'm not a fan of post Titanic Cameron, he's really not to blame. His name is all over the promotional materials, but he's only a producer. It's Robert Rodriguez that's in the director's chair. Cameron is too busy with his avatar sequel to fuck this movie up. If Cameron were more involved the story would be just as meh looking, but the CG and action wouldn't look so plastic.
 
Robert Rodriguez is directing? The last time that worked was in the mid-late 90s with small budgets. He's lost his charm ever since those CGI bullet holes in Once Upon A Time in Mexico.
 
To the shock of absolutely no one early reviews are saying the effects and world are great, but the plot and character are boring and shallow. Right now it's at 49 percent. It'll be interesting to see if it holds steady there or goes down. I very much doubt it will go up. Even the positive reviews are praising the effects, but calling the plot mediocre and kind of a slog.
 
Time to e x p a n d

Full disclosure, I haven't finished the manga, but I have read up to and past where the film ends, and I know how it should go and the important story beats.

But before I take it apart as an adaptation, let's take it apart as a film in its own right. Getting some positives out the way, the film looks pretty good for the most part, I think some of the casting was particularly good when the script allowed them to shine, which isn't often. Er... That's it.

So, yeah. Uhm. I don't get it. This doesn't feel like a Cameron movie, or a Rodriguez film, it feels like a very forgettable Sci fi action movie, which is exactly what it would be if it wasn't dragged into shit territory by one of the worst on screen romances I've seen in fucking years. It starts of slightly creepy with Alita in her young teenage body, and it's not really alleviated by getting her more... developed body later in the film, as it doesn't change her naivety and childishness. Hugo just feels too old for her for most of the film.

But it's not just the ick factor, it's so appallingly acted by both Alita and Hugo, and so badly scripted, that it's like watching Hallmark try and make an edgy Sci fi romance (the romance in the manga isn't great to be fair, but at least it's not the focus).

The action lacks any force and weight, partly because its all CGI, but the scenes just aren't storyboarded very well, so when Alita is supposed to be fucking shit up, the only reason she seems to win is because the exposition tells us she should, the physical blows themselves don't feel particularly hard. They do, however, make a very good job of making her seem like the world's greatest gymnast.

I hated the fighting style they gave her, like some bullshit cross between wing chun and some other mystic Chinese kung fu that has never been practical in the history of mankind, it's also another reason the blows lack weight when she's spinning every where when she should be hitting shit really hard.

The plot is only slightly changed from the manga, which is to say it's there, but passionless and cold. Some of the events are conflated together, Hugos character is the biggest change, trying to make him sympathetic rather than the goal driven, conniving asshat he is in the manga. It doesn't work though, because the actor is dreadful and I hated every minute he was on screen.

The lack of blood and extreme 90s violence hurt it. I don't usually care for it unless it's done really well, but taking out completely felt really fucking wrong.

Also a dog dies and I ain't good with that shit.

1.5/5
 
"Eyes are too big?"
"JUST MAKE THEM BIGGER!"
"YOU'RE LAUGHING BUT THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT WE DID, PROBLEM SOLVED!"


I've just a few trailers pop by, it doesn't really look like my kind of movie but I've been enjoying all the news that the movie generated.
 
"Eyes are too big?"
"JUST MAKE THEM BIGGER!"
"YOU'RE LAUGHING BUT THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT WE DID, PROBLEM SOLVED!"


I've just a few trailers pop by, it doesn't really look like my kind of movie but I've been enjoying all the news that the movie generated.

Honestly just proves that anime eyes in real life don't work at all and it looks creepy and stupid as fuck. I still have no idea who thought that was a good idea.
 
I.... honestly didn't notice there was anything wrong with the eyes until I noticed this thread.

Edit/additional comments: Honestly. I really didn't. I'm, uh, -really- bad with names and faces, so most people look like most people to me.
 
WAIT WHAT THE FUCK???

goddammit American filmmakers, you did it again! angrily shakes fist

They paid 200 million to make this. No way are they taking a risk of it getting banned in China or an R rating in the US.

This will flop in the US, but I predict it will kill in China. Making it profitable in the end. Same thing happened with Ghost in the Shell.
 
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