StoryA buxom young female alien crash-lands her spaceship into
the middle of a bathhouse. Throw in a bumbling male lead and as many shots of
nude aliens – particularly nude female aliens – bathing as you can get
away with, and surely some ecchi hilarity will follow… right? Wrong. UFO
Ultramaiden Valkyrie takes a relatively simple and foolproof concept and
produces twelve of the most irritating episodes of anime I have had the
misfortune to watch.
The series centres on Kazuto, a quiet high-school boy who
runs a bathhouse, and Valkyrie, a princess from planet Valhalla. Kazuto happily
goes about his daily business, until Valkyrie literally crashes into his life
helpfully killing him in the process. In order to save him, the guilt-ridden
princess gives Kazuto half of her soul. In doing this, she reverts back to
being a child and soon begins living with Kazuto. To add to the "fun", Valkyrie’s
personal maid – cat-girl Sanada – and her younger sister Hydra follow her and
countless wacky events ensue.
The majority of UFO Ultramaiden Valkyrie consists of
pointless filler, with a measly episode and a half addressing its main plot.
Needless to say, by introducing, executing and concluding the series’ most
important arc in such a short space of time, everything feels ridiculously
rushed. Maybe the production team spent too much time staring at naked aliens
and forgot that the series needed to have at least some direction to it.
Perhaps the rest of the show demonstrates a subtle development in its central
relationship by showing how Kazuto and Valkyrie grow closer following every
bizarre incident imposed on them. Regrettably I fail to see how an entire
episode of Sanada transforming half of the female population into an army of cat-girls
shows any kind of progression in Kazuto and Valkyrie’s relationship.
While UFO Ultramaiden Valkyrie may suffer from a
deficit of enjoyable plot, it also languishes under an impression that
bombarding a series with overdone anime clichés will automatically offer
salvation. It doesn’t; instead, it pushes the series further into the realms of
the utterly dismal. While an abundance of fan service may appeal to some, this
series serves as a prime example that cat-girls, cutesy children and
big-breasted heroines cannot fully compensate for the absence of a robust plot.AnimationOnly a very small budget could explain the poor animation
displayed in this series. UFO Ultramaiden Valkyrie also relies too much
on recycled footage and such blatant repetition serves only to highlight
another of the series’ many failings. While recycling may be good for the
planet, the continued appearance of a banana alien in the bathhouse only added
to my utter despair for this series.
The only saving grace of UFO Ultramaiden Valkyrie’s
mediocre animation is a semi-reasonable transformation sequence. Though at a
gruelling forty seconds, its length leaves much to be desired. On the bright
side, having to watch the transformation grants a few seconds reprieve from the
visual assault inflicted by the rest of the animation. Overall, I found myself
wholly unimpressed with the series’ visuals and I would have expected more from
a post-millennium anime.SoundUFO Ultramaiden Valkyrie’s opening theme, while best
described as ‘happy-bubbly-cheesy-pop’, proves as generically awful as the rest
of the series. In fact I would rather drink a pint of cheesy-flavoured soda pop
than sit through the opening more than once. The series’ ending song fares no
better and is forgettable.
Clumsily incorporated into UFO Ultramaiden Valkyrie’s
score, the attempted nod at Wagner’s ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ merely serves to
show how someone noticed that a well-known piece of music happens to match the
main character’s name (clever stuff eh?). However, the rest of the series’
soundtrack remains unmemorable.CharactersI don’t tend to expect much from any characters in an ecchi or harem anime, especially from the token male lead. Even so, UFO Ultramaiden
Valkyrie managed to exceed my low expectations with Kazuto, the most vapid,
flat and crushingly vacant male lead I have ever seen on screen. His role for
most of the series is as follows: he stands around smiling and under-reacts to
every bizarre situation foisted upon him. Then Valkyrie kisses him so she can
transform and Kazuto resumes standing around smiling. Even his supposed
impassioned speech at the anime’s conclusion displays less emotion than your
average politician.
UFO Ultramaiden Valkyrie’s remaining cast also fail to leave much of a lasting
impression. I often found myself struggling to remember the names of some
supporting characters because I just did not care. Even now, after watching all
four seasons, I still find it difficult to remember what Kazuto’s sister and
best friend are called.OverallWhile watching UFO Ultramaiden Valkyrie I
spent half my time praying it would display just one redeeming feature
that would make it worth watching. The other half I spent contemplating whether
or not staring at my lava lamp for four hours would be a better use of my time.
Looking for a fun series with a good plot? Then you’re in the wrong place.
Instead, turn around and go through that door on the right because there are
far better titles out there that don’t make such a half-assed attempt at
entertaining the general populace.
Screenshots
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