At St. Mihailov Academy, strange things are happening. Not only did the dean disappear, leaving his daughter Tomo and adopted daughter Mafuyu alone, but girls in the nearby city are being killed by an unknown foe. However, the blades begin to fly when a Russian boy named Sasha arrives. He is a Qwaser, a person able to manipulate the elements after ingesting Soma, breast milk, and he’s not the only one. Soon Tomo and Mafuyu find themselves in the middle of a battle between two groups of Qwasers whose goal is to protect or steal the Theotokos of Tsarytsin. With more allies and enemies arriving, who will survive the assault?
"Seikon no Qwaser is a tricky mistress." This is what I say to anybody who asks me to explain what this show is. Additionally, I would never recommend it to anyone out of the blue. Not because I don't love it (because I do) but because it's a "niche anime". The premise of this show is--no, not breastmilk, I'll get to that later--really a "battle shounen" archetype. The main character fights evil lackies throughout the show, and ends up defeating the Big Bad at the end. In this sense, the show is a masterpiece. Driven by a very clever (if not always scientifically accurate) idea of people having the ability to control a particular element (as in the periodic table of elements) in almost the same way as Benders from Airbender do--except in far more chem-nerd and varied ways. As for the ecchi? Well, the show really doesn't need it, but you know what they say: "sex sells". I wish the show had taken the same route as the manga, and depicted nudity in an artful, symbolic manner, rather than the more-than-often prepubescently immature scenes rampant with faux-lesbianism intended solely to get the audience's rocks off rather than contributing to the overall plot. Thankfully, these kinds of scenes are few and far between. By the way, are you bothered that virgins are spurting breastmilk, when that's nigh impossible in real life? Only Qwasers can pull out Soma; normal people can't make other normal people lactate. The music is EXCELLENT. The battle tune and the first OP never fail to get my blood boiling. The rest of the soundtrack is varied and never misses a beat--every single song on the OST makes for easy listening. The main character, Sasha, is a perfect example of bishounen Bad-Ass-MotherF**ker. His character development lies in what begins as uncultured mannerisms, having not been provided with a healthy childhood. The love interest, Mafuyu, does not take well to the change her life is going through, nor Sasha's uncultured mess, but eventually comes to in very tender character development. The best friend, Tomo, is a moe mess, but manages to gain a little bit of my respect because she's sickly, and doesn't go through any character development beyond being a plot device. Katja and Hana solely exist for the masochistic lolicon's fanservice, but are pretty legitimate characters when they feel like it. Lizzie is the tomboy fan's fantasy and goes through alliance conflict. Teresa isn't much more notable than just being an awesome battle nun. The rest of the cast is, appropriately, extremely minor. Miyuri is the only one that manages to make me truly hate her--she's the typical arrogant bucket of fail who pretty much ruins the show whenever she speaks. (Don't watch episode 14. Just don't do it. COMPLETELY irrelevant to the plot and nothing but Failbucket.) Provided that you're going into this show already diddling yourself, and are looking forward to this "battle shounen" previously mentioned, you will find yourself alienated by the ecchi. Alternatively, if you're going into this show begging for tits, you will find yourself alienated by a rich story and action sequences. That is why this is a "niche anime"--the only people that will love this show are battle shounen fans that are comfortable with sexuality edging in on the territory.
In a word: suckage. In more than one word: a fanservicey show that uses breasts as a distraction to prevent you from realizing the plot has numerous holes and things left unexplained. Don't get me wrong; I don't mind nudity when it is relevant to the plot; I actually liked the first couple of episodes of Freezing, since the nudity involved was the result of actual battle slashes (that series also quickly went downhill, but I digress). I also don't mind hentei when I'm in the mood, but this was far from even being satisfying in that regard. If you're going to do porn, do porn; don't half-ass it in this manner. Also, whoever wrote this fails biology forever. Story: 1/10 Okay, so apparently there are these people who have control over an elements like Iron. They can manipulate it and such to fight with. For reasons that are never explained, they need to drink soma, which is essentially the breast milk of virgin women. Yes, you heard that right, and are probably wondering: "Women only produce breast milk after giving birth, so how...?" Well, don't expect them to ever explain. In fact, get used to having nothing really explained, partly because the characters are dumb enough to never ask. Animation: 4/10 No real arguments here, although it's nothing to write home about, either. Quality also varies depending on where you're watching it (TV, webcast, or BD/DVD). I will say that battles are craptacular. They barely last 30 seconds to a minute, and there are plenty of times that speed lines are used. But hey, you're not watching this for the battles or plot, but for the copious amounts of boobies. And I suppose it delivers on that end... in the standard horribly inaccurate portrayal of female chests. Whoever wrote this has pretty much never touched a real breast, but then again, anime is is fairly famous for consistantly never getting it right. The way they jiggle, defy gravity, and get smooshed like marshmellows, means they apparently never consulted any females. Instead, whatever seriousness this show intends, is destroyed by comically inaccurate boobies. Considering the importance to the plot, if they had at least treated them decently instead of a 12-year-old-snicker-snicker-you-said-boobies way, they might have had something. Seriously, though, I've seen hentei with more realistic tits. Sound: 5/10 Probably the best part of the whole series, but that's not saying much. I rarely notice the music except when it's bad, but the music fit the mood as required, and the second opening theme was fairly good. Characters: 1/10 Dumb as shit. Mayufu never asks about soma, when a normal girl definitely would. "Oh wow, some 13 year old kid is sucking on breasts... why? And why am I suddenly producing breast milk when I'm being sucked on?" That should freak any girl, but we're not dealing with real women here, which I suppose makes sense when the writers obviously haven't dealt with any real girls, either. I got a headache at one point, where one boy sucks the chest of a surprised girl in a classroom with everyone watching... and no one (including the girl) thinks to ask "Why the hell did he do that? And how the hell is she generating breast milk anyway?" I don't care who you are; that is going to freak any girl out. Characters never explain things when they should. Why? Well, gotta keep the viewer in the dark for hte surprise factor! I really wanted to smash my head against a wall half-way in, when *SPOILER ALERT* a certain character has another presence inside them... and no one bothers to tell the cast and explain, which might actually help. Tomo, in particular, was the dumbest of the bunch; she was basically a walking plot device who didn't really do anything on her own. Of course, I rarely expect much from an airheaded character, and she was just there to showcase the biggest boobs of the bunch (in another stroke of comedy, no 15 year old has a chest that huge). So, Tomo was just basically a pair of giant walking tits that people want to suck for some reason. She supposedly produces really, really good milk, but we're never told why that is, and no one stops to ask. Perhaps because she has huge tits and no brains, which might be a subtle message: Hey girls, you can raise your value as women by having huge tits and not thinking at all, and tripping all over yourself like a clumsy oaf! Men really like that! Overall: Not worth your time. Well, unless you have a fetish for watching a 13-year-old boy suck breast milk from various women. That is the sole redeeming feature of this anime, and the only reason anyone could overlook the flaws. Then again, you could find hentei better than this. I watched mainly to see what the hub-bub was about, thinking that perhaps there had to be something good in this series. "It couldn't be all bad fanservice, could it?" Oh yes, it could. Save yourself time, don't watch. I wasn't originally going to, and am now sorry I did. In the meantime, I'll stick with good adult anime, that can treat nudity and adult topics well and still churn out a good plot. However, if you enjoy comical boobs that have very little basis in reality, and a milk-drinking fetish that needs new material, then by all means, go for it!
For the Buddy Group, you guys are the best! Story: Boobs. The plot revolves around sucking the milk out of innocent virgins. Already it's a load of illogical perverted shit and it gets shittier as it goes on. To it's credit, it integrates sucking on quivering nipples as an essential plot point. And the sexual assault of young women. Pure deviency for sure, but give it credit for being completely shameless. But alas, I'm neglecting the plot plot, which revolves around finding a macguffin, a "Theotokos of Tsarytsin" (Quoted from the Anime Entry). After watching it, I think I know what it is, but for 22 episodes I had no idea what the fuck it was and couldn't even remember the Russian name. It made no fucking sense! The reveal was so "The fuck is this shit" worthy that it was believable! After all the shit I had to endure, it felt more logical than it would have 15 episodes ago. The shit can be summed up as half filler crap, half... other macguffin... titty fight... crap, that twists itself into a macabre of plot at the last minute. From the near rape in a maid fetish episode, to a party, to some... magical girl filler that was actually decent (You know, decent to it's standards) for titty lasers, to whatever other crap it decides to do. It's hard to explain, but in other words: If it ain't filler, it's a fight. Both with boobs. Nothing is sacred, despite the rapees being Marias (I'm not explaining this one) and nothing is left out, including tentacles. "The fuck?" you may ask? I asked myself that every fucking episode. But it became a blur later on, as the final few episodes take it up to eleven, and after seeing what happened before, that's saying something. It takes the milk, the titties, the boobs and fucking runs with it. From the lake onward, it truly defines the season. In the most perverted, devient, sexual way possible. And a shout out to the first EP, for being so fucking illogical that it was illogical. Milk, it'll do your body good. Animation: Ten out of fucking ten. Not just for them titties that range from loli to super boobs (Literally called super boobs) and I assure you, I'm more sensible reasonable than that. But for dat milk, dat jiggling and all dat rampant sexual deviency. And tentacles. The animation starts off amazing, but in the last few episodes, like that shitty ass plot, it fucking skyrockets into the stratosphere. Sans episode 24. They just couldn't top 23. The last episodes shouldn't be spoiled, as they radiate pure erotic titty action, but the earlier stuff can be summarized as: quivering, jiggling, shaking, bouncing and groping. Which lends itself to high quality physics, and close ups, to satisfy the camera action, and I don't just mean seedy underground videos. At this point you may ask, "But Thrawn, what about the other aspects of the visuals? This can't only be about women's mammaries." And in a sensible reply, I can say fuck that shit, everything else that may be considered animation doesn't matter in the slightest. The only things that matter are boobs, nipples and milk. Oh, right. I can't leave without mentioning how the second OP made Phoenix look totally badass, but he's Phoenix. He always looks badass. And how it spoils so much of the shitty plot of the second half. And the second EP having heaving boobs and loli ass right when it starts. That is how you do animation for an EP. Sound: Loved the first EP. Loved the hell out of it. I would have given it a 10/10 if I was just grading that alone, but alas, it's not boobs and I thus have to grade it fairly. Marks against it for taking it out for a crappier EP. And they replaced the decent OP with a lesser one. If they kept the originals, this would have gotten a higher score. But points to the other aspects of sound, including slapping of titties on the abdomen; the sucking and gulping down of milk; the moaning; the... nah, that's about it. Characters: How many fingers do you have? Just for one hand. The amount of people who aren't rapists or who had their titties sucked are less than the amount of digits on that one that one hand. That's class. Know who aren't rapists? Minor characters and Phoenix. And Son of Hermes, who is one of the most decent guys in this titfest and is the only one who gets nosebleeds. And who got completely shafted in the element wheel. But this guy, he is the only one who holds himself back. That is one of the best fucking traits you can have in the show! Phoenix is also one of the best not just because he doesn't do any sexual assaulting, but because he is so stoic that he doesn't fall for the titty charms of all these bitches. But he appreciates small boobs, just because the writers didn't want him to stick out too much. If they are a Qwaser (Translated from Titty Sucker), then they are there to do the work of the unjust, to exploit women and make them feel good to get them powers. Overall, the other characters don't matter in the slightest: not emo titty-squeeze Sasha, not big tits, big heart, small brain Tomo, not obviously tsundere lackluster tits Mafuyu, Teresa matters for being so cute, not haters gonna hate Hana, not anybody else in this farce. If there is character development, it's probably shallow and wouldn't elict much emotion. Exceptions are few but, you know, the titty sucking will return shortly. Overall: It was shit. The saving grace was the titties, mammaries, jugs, hooters, nipples, milk machines, udders, boobs, breasts and the messy finish after sucking some. Not so much a saving grace but the only reason one should watch this. But I do have to give it credit for having enough titties to warrant a sequel.
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