Naruto Shippuden Movie 5: Blood Prison - Reviews

This is the eighth Naruto movie, made around the time of the Kage Summit, after Raikage is introduced. The movie’s premise is quite absurd and it’s an easy way to dislike it in just the first few minutes. In fact, it is tormenting with the protagonist for so long, it is better suited for people who DISLIKE the anime and not people who are still fans. Seriously you guys, you must watch this only if you dig the idea of watching Naruto being molested by prison guards, ravaged by dogs, acting like a prison bitch, saved by useless girls, and constantly rolling over on mud or stormy waters without having the slightest superpower… And that is why I liked it, lol. This is a movie made fo the haters and it’s great service. So please, consider all my remarks that follow as sadistic satisfaction out of a franchise that is now a joke.

The movie begins with Raikage discussing with his personal team about a weird hidden box that can fulfill wishes. This will make you think it is the objective of this movie but trust me, it’s not. Immediately afterwards someone who resembles Naruto attacks them and although he fails, the whole scene makes no sense. He uses a sleeping gas that knocks out elite ninjas in seconds! If they had such a thing why didn’t they use it all these years more often? Anyways, as soon as the assassin escapes they all wake up immediately and stand up like nothing much happened and we get the first lol of the movie with what Raikage comments about this.

“Forget about the whole box crisis that can destroy the world. Just change our priorities to taking Naruto to prison.”

HAHAHA!

The second scene is about apprehending Naruto back in Leaf Village. Anyone with even basic knowledge of what is going on with the show will immediately laugh at what Tsunade is commenting.

“Hey Naruto, I know you are the hero of legend who saved our asses a dozen times but now we have this guy who resembles you so we must send you to prison. Don’t mind how every rookie ninja in the world can easily disguise himself to look like anyone he likes; we will just pretend you traveled half the world, killed several ninjas in three different countries, and returned here before dinner to just tell us it wasn’t you. Now get into that cage and cry like a bitch fool!”

HAHAHA! (this later is proven to be a troll btw)

The third scene is about him taken to prison, where his powers are stripped… and so are his clothes as he is strip searched for possible weapons he may be hiding in … hard to notice body areas. Yeah guards, molest that defenseless cute little gay boy!

HAHAHA!

The next part takes almost half the movie, as Naruto constantly tries to escape in order to prove his innocence … which by now is already taken by the guards, lol. And how exactly do you prove you are innocent by becoming an escape convict? Anyways, since his powers are drained in this place, he is incapable to even throw a punch before dropping on four and twitching like his tummy hurts. And as he is constantly trying to escape he ends up being beaten like a bitch by the warden, tied up on a torture table, ravaged by guard dogs, and almost gets drowned and is saved by a girl, which as we all know is the most useless creature in the Narutoverse. What a lovely way to see that gay ninja getting his ass served on a plate every 5 minutes.

HAHAHA!

Now this prison is one weird place. First of all, there are no prison uniforms; all the convicts still wear their regular ninja uniforms. So even if we pretend Naruto has a wardrobe full of identical clothes, in this place he is wearing the same clothes for months. He must stink like a pig, unless the clothes magically mend and he has out of screen baths. DON’T DROP THE SOAP NARUTO! The security of this place is a complete joke, as Naruto manages to get out of his cell three times in ten minutes. It took longer to do that in those old Jrpgs I used to play. And the punishment for trying to escape is just spending a few days in isolation, where he shits and pisses in a 3X3 room. Priceless! And his beard (or whiskers) doesn’t grow not even an inch all this time. I bet he doesn’t even have beard to grow yet. Or his balls didn’t drop. Anyways, in that isolation instead of learning the hard way not to try to escape, he instead grows even more restless to get out of this place. Nice reform system they have here. He also conveniently learns by a passing-byer that by beating the warden his powers will return. Oh the great things one learns in prison, only to return after his release as a law-abiding citizen.

Oh, speaking of law-abiding, all inmates in that place are ninjas who failed in a mission and were accused by their villages of being soft or traitors for that. So practically everyone in there is an assassin who failed in killing all the defenseless women and children his superiors ordered him to off and was caught afterwards. So imagine Naruto’s face when he is surprised to hear how people are imprisoned for NOT killing more children and women.

“What are you talking about? We are ninjas; we do not kill people. We only save nations by beating bad guys!”

Fifteen years in the field and that dumbass still has no idea what the hell his profession is all about! Not to mention all the hundreds of ninja assassins he fought all his life.

But anyways, his constant determination to escape makes the rest of the inmates to get to like him and clap their hands after he gets his ass served a dozen times but still keeps trying. And it is really funny to see how he thanks them for that by getting on top of a table and dancing like a gigolo. Seriously, this movie constantly zooms on his ass shaking like a fat, hip-hop dancing, black woman. Especially when he is on his knees and in pain because of the sealing of his powers. He takes a doggy style pose and shakes his bottom like inviting all the sexually deprived inmates to come pay a visit to his colon. Priceless.  

Now the news about how they can get out of this place spread and suddenly everybody attacks the warden in hopes to beat him and get his powers back to escape. The warden is one weird guy; despite knowing he is targeted by a hundred desperate inmates he calmly has walks in the prison yard and freely allows anyone who has the guts to attack him. All the rest of the guards in the meantime just look surprised at how useless their security is at stopping riots.

There is another lulz scene, regarding one of the inmates turning out to be a woman pretending to be a man. Naruto finds that out after she saves him and her wet clothes reveal her body figure. She punches him in the face because Sakura is not around to do it in this movie and threatens him not to tell anyone about it. Yeah, it must be kept a secret, it’s not like the prison guards did a strip search when she first entered this place.

HAHAHA!

Ok, here comes another anecdote. Turns out that box in the beginning of the movie was in the possession of some scheming bad guys, one of which was… the warden! And this entrapment was just a ploy to bring someone with huge chakra close to the box so they can open it with Nine Tails. So the joke is that if Naruto had managed to escape, he WOULDN’T have managed to prove his innocence. 

HAHAHA!

And then the second half begins, which has some of the most elaborate plot twists and epic fights in the whole franchise. Seriously you guys, up to now I was laughing with how bad it is and now I was thrilled with this sudden turnaround. The battle with the major bad guy was awesome and I loved how there weren’t useless underlings to waste time in secondary battles. Naruto goes frog-fox and summons that huge toad and kick ass, while the villain could predict all their moves by reading their minds, while a doomsday devise in the background is sucking up people in horror. IT WAS EPIC I TELL YOU!

Although still quite naive in overall, it gets better along the way and ends with a bang. Though it still feels completely cheap in how they managed to beat the villain. Imagine three people whose chests where impaled clear through with spikes the size of your foot still running around and fighting without any problem at all. Lol, the undying kitsch of shounen strikes again! Oh, and don’t miss the end credits, as they include important scenes as well. Nice touch there; made it more mysterious this way.

As always the production values are quite good and the animation fluid, making it a hundred times better than the tv series. I must say it is by far the most enjoyable Naruto movie yet. Although not always for the right reasons.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5nzKw-XIxw

*This review may contain spoilers*

Overall:

I'm at an impass, I don't know whether to continue to reject the movies and hate on them, or accept them and take them as a joke. The boy inside of me clings on the hope that they actually make a good movie, but I should probably just not indulge that hope.

ANYWAYS.

I'm almost tempted to give it a 8/10 because it was so much, SO MUCH, better than most of the other movies, but once you get past the terrible expectations you had for this movie, you see that it really doesn't deserve more than a 2, maybe a 3/10 because it was so much better than the other movies. That being said, it was still absolute filth and I'm still furious over the way they are butt f*cking the franchise. They just will not cease to try to exploit it, because they know people will watch it, just because the series is so famous. Greedy bastards. I've come to try to enjoy the movies by pointing out the flaws and laughing at it. Also, it's nice to see Naruto get anally raped (no, I'm serious, anally. raped).

The premise was kind of dull, but I think they did a way better job than expected and it could have been way worse. What pulled it out of the 1/10 category was probably it's nice dark ending that differs from the others and the fighting. I still hated the fighting, and even more so the appearances that were made, but we'll get to that later. The part before the ending however, is absolutely beyond f*cking ridiculous. If you see it, you will understand what part I'm talking about. Though I would advice against seeing it.

Story:

Sadly, the set-up  does not differ from the other movies. A flashy opening, a conflict based on the flashy opening, a lot of talking that's supposed to build the background and get you excited (and fails at it), a new conflict that somehow renders the first conflict void, some touchy stuff, all his friends appear doing ONE f*cking move and then just deciding that they don't have to help, they can just stand and watch and the power of friendship will solve it all (even when Naruto is more or less missing 1/5 of his body), a lot of fighting that really doesn't make any sense, and of course the one power to end it all: RASENGAN!

At the beginning, Naruto is framed for attacking the Raikage (which he obviously didn't do and it's just absurdly stupid and I could rant a lot on how it was f*cking retarded) and killing a lot of people. He is then sent to a prison run by the people/descendants of the grass village. However, there is more to it than meets the eye, and it seems the higher ups of the grass village are using the prison for vile purposes to accomplish some sort of evil plot.

To some this sounds interesting, to others a bunch of crap. And honestly, it is a bunch of crap. There are holes in the plot everywhere, unnecessary events and maybe it's just me, but I felt like a couple of things were just left unexplained. 

Animation:

What can I say? It looks great. It's not exceptional but comfortable to look at and I have no complaints really. I didn't notice anything that would push the extra two points though. 

Sound:

I honestly don't know. I can't remember. That means one of two things. Either it wasn't especially good, or it was the exact same stuff they use in the series. Neither of these scenarios are positive, I think they should make an effort to make at least one thing new for the movie, but then again, they might have, I just don't remember. Voice acting. It's the same it always is I guess. Nothing bad, nothing exceptional. It's just good I guess.

Characters:

There are three central characters introduced in the movie. It's been a while since I saw the movie so I can't remember their names but there's the Head of the Prison, the person Naruto calls an "okama" (gay, drag queen, tranny, whatever you wanna call it), and the Head of the Prison's "henchman". None of them are any special. None of them develop. Maybe the "okama" opens up a little but I wouldn't say she was closed to begin with.

The only noticeable thing that makes it a 5/10 instead of 2/10 is the Head of the Prison guy's actions. I guess he is a somewhat good character, though his actions 2/3 into the movie don't really make sense. Without spoilng, let's compare it to cooking. He desired a dish but he had to use a special ingridient. But he freaking looooves that ingridient and there is only one of them. The dish is more important though, so he makes the dish anyways. He fails, the ingredient is lost, and when they have a better ingredient to complete the dish, he makes the dish into the ingredient he lost. IF YOU LOVED THE INGREDIENT ENOUGH TO SPEND 15 YEARS TO DECIEVE EVERYONE AROUND YOU AND RECREATE IT, YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE USED IT!!!!!!!!!

I have the same complaint with this movie that I have with all of the others—I don’t really care too much about how things turn out because I know nothing major can happen and none of the cast from the show can die. As such, I really wish they would create Naruto movies about smaller events, that don’t deal with the fate of the world as we know it.

Not that this movie was horrible, as it was interesting to see Naruto in a new environment, stripped of his normal powers and friendships. And this movie certainly isn’t not the worst of the Naruto movies. Though, it definitely still has its flaws.

This movie did a great job at showing just how far Naruto has come as a ninja, and it certainly was an interesting idea of how to handle ninja that could be potential threats if left to wander free. Honestly, I feel like the hidden villages would take care of these ninja themselves, so as to not let any secrets get out, but this special prison was a neat alternative. Though, I feel like the pacing of the movie was a little slow, as I felt like it just dragged on and on with no real action for at least half an hour, if not more.

I don’t have much more to say without getting into spoilers, so… SPOILERS BELOW!!!

  

First off, how easily everybody in the village turned on Naruto and didn’t believe he was innocent. Which, I realize that was a trick and they never thought Naruto was guilty in the first place, but I only learned that AFTER the movie was almost over. Watching that beginning scene for the first time, I was immediately pulled out of the movie because I really thought it was bad writing for the sake of the plot.

Then, there’s Ryuuzetsu. I did like her character design and she seemed kind of interesting, but it was super obvious she was going to die from the moment it was revealed she had a special jutsu but using it would kill her. I mean, how much more obvious can you get? I probably would have liked her better if I hadn’t known for most of the movie that she was going to die.

Then we get to the big fight scene at the end. So, Naruto’s stomach is just a gaping hole in his body and he can still move and fight? I feel like he should have died right then… I don’t know how long somebody can live when they’ve got a hole where their stomach should be, but I don’t think it’s for very long, even if you are an overpowered ninja like Naruto.

So, final conclusions. I liked the idea of Naruto not having his powers and having to use his brain a little more, but the situation felt a little forced, and the stakes didn’t mean a whole lot to me when I knew the only characters who would die would be the ones introduced in the movie itself. Which, I did feel some for Mui in the end, and that might be part of the reason I don’t think this movie is as bad as some of the others, but I wish I could have cared more earlier on.

Blood prison is the worst naruto movie of the ones i have watched (at the time im making this i have seen the last and road to ninja). The story is a 2 becuase its very weird. Someone fakes that naruto tries to kill the raikage and tsunade sends naruto to blood prison. later in the story tsunade and the others tell naruto that the were sure he wasent the culprit its just weird. animaton is a 6 its good but it could be better. sound is also a 6 becuase the sound is good but could be much better. characters is a 4 becuase the new charatchers are streched there is not much backstory for the new characters. overall i would give blood prison a 4 its not the ideal movie. if you want to watch every naruto movie watch this if you want too but its sadly just not that good.