Master of Martial Hearts

Alt title: Zettai Shougeki: Platonic Heart

OVA (5 eps x 30 min)
2008 - 2009
2.446 out of 5 from 1,301 votes
Rank #17,996

When school girl Aya Iseshima intervenes in a street fight between a pretty shrine maiden and a busty air hostess, little does she know what trouble she's gotten herself into. Being forced to fight, Aya soon finds herself competing for the Platonic Heart - a prize that will grant your deepest desire. Failure means expulsion to the dark realm, and when original competitor and friend Miko goes missing, Aya finds herself battling against other unique martial artist to find out the truth behind the competition.

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       Watched it on Netflix Foreword Welcome to the world that is Platonic Heart where clothes are made out of paper! This show fucking sucks. There, I said it, this foreword will be the final word. This show sucks incredible amounts of ass. I honestly regret watching this and hopefully this review will save some people the precious time us humans have and not waste it on this shite. Story The plot of the show goes like this. Magical crystal lottery heart thing grants the winner of this tournament any wish they want. Strange enough apparently you have to be a niche fanserivice character to enter. Enter our hero   *sigh* Girl A. I don't remember her name and I shall not do a quick search that will only take about 2 seconds to figure out, this show doesn't even deserve that. I shall call her Girl A and you will be ok with it. Girl A is a fighter she's been fightin her whole life like Russel Crowe Tugahhhhhhhhhhhh!   She's been fightin so much she has no friends. Aww so sad :( No friends EXCEPT Girl B! Girl B is her only other friend and understands the deep inner turmoil she faces everyday with living with the fact that she fights. Ok hold on for a second, she has no friends because she can fight and everyone is afraid of her...That's a serious thing? It's not like this girl is freaking Bruce Banner calm the fuck down please they probably had it coming Not Girl B though she is the ghramm cracker to her S'more a true pal...Shit happens and they stumble upon a flight attendant fighting a shrine maiden with an elastic bag that also comes equipped with a bladed end...    Yes you read right     This bitch's purse thing is a fucking flying guillotine. This makes no sense whatsoever, this is the same shit that put down THE Bushido Brown RIP Bushido, you were badass even though you were an asshole   Back to this bullshit though. So shit happens and they fucking beat the flight lady and meet the shrine maiden who's name I actually remember. Only because it's a fucking dumb choice for a name to begin with.       Meet Miko Yes Miko her fucking name is Miko. For those of you who don't know Miko means shrine maiden and what is she? A fucking shrine maiden. I swear the creators gave zero fucks when they made this shit I imagine it was something like this finally found a use for this They hit it off and decided to become friends they even exchange phone numbers and then one day Girl A goes to check up on Miko or something. Something happened and she went back to her house and found this    GASP!   So Girl A vows to get her friend back (whom she's only known for a couple of hours) by entering the tournament for the Platonic Heart! She's going to win and wish her back no matter what...   You literally could wish for anything! Fucking money, the ability to fly, HARUHI SEASON 3. But no you want to save your bitch ass friend you only knew for like a second. the rest of the show is her fightin until she can claim the prize. This story sucks and feels completely forced this isn't even a story. Maybe i would've liked it better if it was just women fighting in dress up for no reason at all. That's what this anime is anyway. The story get's a 0.1 since it's the lowest score I can possible give it Story 0.1 Animation   Animation, whew haha that's a good one. This show IS animated so i'll give it that. They made things move and that's the highest amount of praise they're getting from me. The animation sucks. For a fighting anime the characters are mostly standing or walking and when they do fight it makes zero sense.     Punch to the face and shirt flys off The sheer absurdity of this show surprises me. The animation in this show is going to get a 1 for the sole fact that it is animated I'll go ahead and give em that.  Animation 1 Sound That opening alone is enough to give the sound in this anime a negative score. That shit was terrible it sounded like they grabbed some random 10 year old girl playing Rock Band in a arcade somewhere and decided it'd be a good idea to record he.Then at the end of the song a disgruntled  employee ran into the booth and stabbed her in the foot. I only watched the dub and boy was that an experience. I will never watch this show again so I can not speak for the sub but i'm sure it was shitty in it's own right just like the dub. Aside from the opening I can't even think of anything music realted from the show. nothing comes to mind, because NOTHING was memorable. The sound for this shit is getting a 0.1  Sound 0.1 Characters My lord the characters are about as interesting as a wall. I take that back a wall has probably seen more interesting shit than these characters have to offer. They make no sense, are 1 dimensional, and by the end of the story make even less sense. i won't even go into detail about the characters cause besides Girl A, B, and Miko nothing else really matters. Every opponent is just another niche character who will be beaten and naked by the end of the fight. Characters will be getting a nice 0.1 Characters 0.1 Overall   The fucking end though THE FUCKING END. School Days was  bad but at least the end was so bad that it helped a shitty show become a shitty show with a satisfying ending. This show's ending is the definiton of stupid. It comes out of nowhere and not in a clever way either. It's like if you where watching Titanic and in the last 20 minutes they tell you that the titanic is really a time machine that can fly into the atmosphere and then Rose and Jack use miniguns to murder all the fake robot passengers on the ship. Makes no sense right? Betrays the movies entire tone right?  RIP Billy  Not only was the Titanic a flying time machine but a robotic Christopher Walken gets the final scene and it ends on a fucking cliffhanger. I wouldn't even call that a cliffhanger they dropped the viewers off the damn cliff. Not to mention the AMAZINGLY CONVINIENT deus ex machina know as Girl A's Mom  Yea...she shows up and things get...'crackin'   Her fucking mom shows up out of no where and is- You know what fuck it. Fuck it all This show is stupid and I hate myself for watching it. This isn't something you just drop, it was so bad I kept watching it, it was like a train wreck. I saw this on Netflix and it's only 5 episodes and that's 5 episodes too long. I give this anime a fucking 0.1 cause that's the lowest score i can possibly give it on this website. I give everyone the suggestion of NOT BUYING OR WATCHING avoid this anime it is a waste of your time. If you are going to watch it  just know that I warned you.    Final Score: 0.1   Rating: Throw it in...      This score is reserved for the most terrible animes. It is an achievement in itself that something could be this bad. It’s something so bad that if you went back and time and showed it to people in the 1800's they’d probably hate it too. Something that deserves to be thrown in The Room must be avoided at all costs, because this means I wish i could get the time I wasted watching this but know that I cannot. If something has this rating steer clear. And as always this was your boy Wirusan and you can catch me on my blog or on Youtube under the channel SwordnKey. Make sure you stay the hell away from woodchippers             


In this world, there exist all kinds of anime. There are good ones, bad ones, as well as REALLY bad ones. And then… there are some that transcend the idea of good and bad, so much so that one cannot simply express their opinion of it by means of such trivial things like “numbers” or even “words”. This is one of them. Only 5 episodes long in length, the story is supposedly simple, for something of its kind anyways . Our protagonist, Aya Iseshima, one day finds herself participating in the tournament Martial Heart, and is determined to win the tournament so that she can have her wish fulfilled. The first four episodes are pretty dull, and kinda just mediocre overall. Boob and panty shots are in no short supply, everyone apparently like to wear clothes that explode on impact, and so on. Pretty silly and generic even, but whatever. It is what it is. If that were the case, I would have just given it a 3 or something and move on with my life. Of course, if it were all that simple, I wouldn’t be writing this as though I just got home after a war, writing about my experiences from the battlefield as the horrors of what humanity is capable of doing to their own kind unfold in front of my very eyes. This brings us to the final episode. In 20 minutes, it goes from a generic ecchi fighting OVA to something much greater than that, one that would make End of Evangelion look like nothing. Try as you may, you will simply never be prepared for what is in store. M. Night Shylaman ain’t got shit on the true masterpiece that the men behind its production have created here. It is one that leaves you speechless by the credits. One where you may actually have an out of body experience, as the reality you once knew crumbles apart. When it is all over, it will forever be seared in your conscience for as long as you are able to retain memory, no matter how much you want this to happen or not. There are no words. Only tears. Whether it is from grief or laughter is your choice. It doesn’t matter, nothing matters anyways. All that said, watch it in the dub. Yes, we can party it up like it’s the mid 90s all over again and have 40 page long wars over subs vs. dubs, but there is simply no contest here. Funimation already generally makes some pretty solid dubs when not working on something like this, but the bar set by the original audio is fairly low to the point that you could replace the entire cast with alpaca noises and it’d still probably better. And so there you have it. Anime of the year, all years. Forever.

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