It always irritates me when I watch something that has a misleading title. For example, if "Scary Blood Fest of Evil" ends up being a light school kid comedy about love and relationships, I’ll be a little annoyed. Equally as offensive is something called "Funny Pets" which didn’t up being funny at all. Watching ants crawl all over my foot and bite me a million times would be funnier. Making a delicious ham sandwich, only to have it stolen by rabid boar and devoured would be funnier. Watching rats eat themselves would be funnier. Vomiting all over my pants on a plane with no change of clothes (and then being attacked by snakes... on the plane) would be funnier. Pretty much pick anything you can possibly imagine, and it would be funnier. And not only was the series not funny, but the characters themselves weren’t funny. If I had to retitle this in a more appropriate fashion, I would call it "Scary-looking Idiotic Perverted and VERY NOT FUNNY Pets".
I know, I know... I’m getting ahead of myself. So what was the story of Funny Pets? News flash! There isn’t one. From the intro we get the impression that a spaceship crashed to whatever planet they are on, carrying a moon and sun "person". For whatever reason, they are living in a house with a woman (who looks like a sex robot and has little to no brainpower) and get involved in wacky misadventures which usually involve the moon feeling left out, whining and bitching and crying, and then somehow making himself look like an ass in front of the sun and girl.
Yes folks, it’s that interesting. There is little to no content that appealed to me, and really, that should appeal to anyone. At first glance it seems like Funny Pets is supposed to be aimed at children, yet there are some very disturbing episodes that seemed overly sexual to me, but that could be related to the fact that it’s been a few days since I’ve gotten any. Literally the only reason I gave any points to this section is because there was one episode that was so bizarre and almost morbid that I have to give some credit. In this episode, there’s a rainbow on the horizon. For whatever reason, any time the moon turns his back the rainbow rises, showing that it’s actually a big creepy eye. The moon suspects something is going on so he REMOVES ONE OF HIS EYES and turns his back, then holds up the eye. When he sees what’s going on, he turns towards the eye and throws both of his eyeballs towards the eye, then realizes he can’t see, staggers around, and steps on and breaks his eyes. What the hell?!
Overall I felt like I was watching a very poor version of Animal Crossing, which had to be created by someone who was on 27 hallucinogens at once, thus giving him or her poor judgment, which ultimately resulted in this pile of garbage being created. Hey Mr. Creator, I have some feedback: NOT FUNNY.
Funny Pets is 100% CGI. And by CGI I of course mean Crappy Garbage Inside. A first year graphics major could have designed this stuff. Again, I felt like I was watching a bad version of Animal Crossing. And what’s up with the freakish character designs? The empty headed girl always wore something that looked like a cross between a corset and a leotard, with enormously disproportionate breasts jutting out from it (and this is supposed to be a children’s show?). The moon character seriously looks like he’s going to go postal and eat your face off, a very large percentage of the time. He has human teeth with googly eyes and a strange mannerism. I’d be afraid that thing would put a roofie in my drink, for god’s sake! The sun character is a lot less creepy and more stupid looking. In general the graphics are terrible, the animation is terrible, the scenery is terrible, and the creators are terrible (and clearly have nothing going on upstairs) to presume this looks even remotely decent. 0.5 points for the scene with the rainbow eye and the moon’s eyes getting smashed. 0.5 points as well for the two scenes where the moon died, one of which he was bleeding!
You know how dogs and other animals react to high-pitched noises? I reacted the same way to the absolutely horrible attempts at dialogue noises coming out of the characters’ mouths. A bunch of blubbering (that sounded somewhat like Dutch o_o) is supposed to be mimicking speech, since there is no actual dialogue. Instead it just sounds like complete crap, making me want to yet again stab the creators in the face. Whose brilliant idea was it to make the creepy moon character even creepier, by giving him such creepy mumbling? The music sounded like Animal Crossing, what can I say? Boring on every level. â€“10 points for the creepy dialogue, -500 points in general for this series sucking so much (just thought I’d throw that in). +1 point for the stock breaking bottle noise, which is heard over and over in Wet Hot American Summer for laugh-value, so I recognized it here and had a chuckle.
There are three main characters in Funny Pets: the girl, the moon, and the sun. The girl, as mentioned before, is pretty much brain-dead. My theory is that she’s some sort of refurbished sex robot whose AI chip was replaced with parts from an old Atari 1040ST. She doesn’t do much except cry and do stupid things. The moon, as I’ve mentioned over and over, is just a creepy bastard. He’s always moping about how he’s ignored, and then does stupid shit to try to get the girl’s attention. The moon is very childish and pretty much acts like a useless toddler.
We also have a variety of secondary characters including some messed up gophers of sorts who provide the only humor (when they smash the moon’s cake... HA HA... TAKE THAT CREEPY MOON), a whale that comes out of a book, and a cabbage that has a face drawn on it. 1 point goes to the gophers for smashing moon’s cake. Otherwise I think all of the characters deserved to be thrown into a meat grinder.
Funny Pets has no redeeming value at all. Literally. It’s not funny, it’s not cute, the animation sucks, the music sucks, the dialogue is creepy, and the characters are from a freak show. It’s not good for kids, it’s not good for adults, and it’s even not good for a torture device. Seriously, just go masturbate or smash your head into the wall or something. I gave Funny Pets a generous 0.5 just because of the few violent moon scenes, because that little bitch deserved to die! Otherwise, Funny Pets only positive point is that it got me incensed enough to write a ranty review, and that’s always good times.
Disclaimer: Swearing aplenty but completely warranted for the Moon alone. And I've learned that the harlot's name is Funny. Yeah.... She's still a ho.
Story: At the start of every god-forsaken episode, the Sun and Moon crash land on some planet and move in with a whore. It's shown after a creepy full moon opens it's mouth and spaceships pour out. The Moon, probably the driver is most-likely high or drunk or both and gets them both stranded. Basically it's nonsense, hardly important.
Apart from that, you have wacky adventures of the trio doing stupid crap, with the Sun and Whore doing some shit and the Moon wanting in but can't because he's a creepy fuck. Otherwise, he's doing all the work or getting some pain for his malicious intentions and because of what he is. It's god-awful crap most of the time and a complete acid trip once or twice. The Rainbow episode (7), that was some faulty crack.
To be fair, it's morbid, vaguely sexual crap. This isn't meant for children, not just the serial murderer Moon or the whore who had the bottle one time. There's completely warranted death, abuse, violence, murder, willful murder, arson, thievery, something about ripping into the flesh of a baby thing, the Moon, polluting the world without burying the dead, spontaneous combustion and some deeply twisted attempts at humor.
Have to give it a one for the rainbow and the Moon getting roasted by his own arson work. He had it coming. And where he dies 20 seconds in; best intro in the series but got creepier.
Animation: It looks like shit. ReBoot in it's first season pulls CGI better and it was made in the 90s and the first fully CGI show. It's not just that everything looks like shit, but the wacked out physics. Arrows, the UFO bouncing around like a tennis ball, everything. This was made on a budget on the cheap, they probably didn't even pay the animators anything more than a can of peanuts.
Another one for the rainbow, which turns out to be even trippier than I expected.
Sound: Good god.... getting this out of the way, the voices. Nobody can even pronounce the simpliest of words and just get by with grunts, giggles, looks of pity, some kind of horndog laugh or playboy laugh; it's just awful. And the music is noticable for being utter shit. The OP, the EP, everything. Nothing redeemable here.
Characters: The Moon, first off, is one of the creepiest bastards I've ever seen in my life. The guy always has a psychotic look and looks like he wants to kill someone or get into the ho's pants corset. With his laser gun he shoots at will, nothing is safe from his homicidal tendancies and violence. He is also mentally deficient but the smartest of the trio. Don't look directly at him.
Then we have the Sun, who is as dumb as they come with a black hole in his mouth. Also cries a lot and a fortunate victim of the Moon and his crimes. He had it coming. Third and certainly least in the brain compartment is the whore, who dresses in a corset every day and who could give less than a crap about the Moon (Her one... non-shortfall). It's borderline obscene how much she appears to hate the bastard or not care about him but it's completely warranted.
Have to give some props to the gophers, who don't take crap from the Moon and are the best of the bunch, with the manly dad in the Three Matches episode. The only reason it's a one and not lower is because they made the Moon the creepiest fuck alive. Sothis is right on the nose with that creep.
Overall: I have to compare it to my next hated anime and think, "Is this shit worse than that shit"? The short answer is yes and I can't demean that shit by putting this shit on the same level. And because I can't mention it enough: That moon is one creepy motherfucker.
Is your brain in desperate need of a lobectomy? Are your dreams far too peaceful and devoid of creepiness? Do you hate yourself and our depressing world? WAS POPEE THE PERFORMER TOO NORMAL FOR YOU?!
If you've answered yes to all of these questions, you've come to the right place! Look no further, dear psychopath friend, because from the twisted, twisted mind of Ryuji Masuda comes Funny Pets! The story involves two creepers abominations ALIENS, shaped like the moon and the sun, who crash their UFO here on Earth (presumably somewhere in Australia... Not joking) and become the pets of a bimbo girl named Funny.
That's where their fun and educational adventures begin! And by 'fun and educational' I mean 'sick, deranged and horrifying'. Most of the 6 minute long episodes involve Crescent, the moon guy, being ignored or mistreated by Funny, who obviously loves Corona, the sun guy (or girl? I have no idea), more than him. Then he tries everything he can to gain her love. The result is 90% nightmare-inducing and 10% idiotic. The first couple of episodes at least try to pretend that they have a charming story to tell, but it all goes downhill from there. Episode 7 scared the shit out of me. DON'T WATCH IT.
Animation and sound... Well there's not really much to say, except that it feels like your eyes and ears are being stabbed by rusty butter knives. Repeatedly. While your face is being set on fire.
Now for the characters. First of all you have the two titular pets, Crescent and Corona. Both of them are disturbing and idiotic - the former moreso than the latter - and very, very creepy. Especially Crescent, who laughs like... Well, there are no words to describe his laugh, but trust me when I say that you don't want to hear it. Corona is a bit more likeable, as he is less likely to do crazy stuff. And to complete the trio, we have Funny, the dumbest person - in fiction and in real life - to have ever graced the world with her presence. I cannot even begin to describe what kind of brainless idiot she is. Everytime she came on screen I had to protect my forehead from all the facepalming that would ensue. There are also some gopher-like animals, with ridiculous, dong-shaped noses, who kind of serve as antagonists I think? Anyway, they're the reason Crescent suffers, so all's well.
Funny Pets does have its normal, or rather not-too-disturbing, moments. Most of the time that's followed by an episode even more WTF than you've seen already. So, if you're ready to say goodbye to some of those precious braincells of yours, go watch it. Oh, and if your brain hasn't been violated enough afterwards, there's a second season. Mankind is doomed.
3. On New Year’s Eve, people go out to have fun with their beloved, their families and friends. Me, on the other hand, decided to watch the notorious Anime called Funny Pets!, together with fellow Anime-Planet member Brokensaint058. The only way we were able to finish the whole thing, was by turning it into a drinking game. And so we did. Apparently, a brain-dead girl called Funny takes in some homeless aliens who have the head of a sun and a moon. The sun has the characteristics of a baby. He gets all the attention from Funny. While the moon is being an ass all the time and tries extreme measures to get Funny’s love and caring, even up to the part of killing the sun if he has to. Not that it really matters, though. 95% of the episodes end in at least someone dying, but in the next episode, they seem to be alright. It’s like a vicious cycle.
Plot and pace
2. There are 12 episodes, each of them taking about 6 minutes. I can be brief about the plot: there is none. Each episode features a different story/adventure/issue these morons have, and each one of them is more ridiculous than the previous one they had. It’s like the show creators were running out of ideas! You’d say, because each chapter is so short, that this must be an ‘Anime’ meant for kids. But no kid would sleep well after watching these guys.
0. No cliffhangers, no points. You’d think that someone dying could be a great cliffhanger in ANY Anime series, but since these totally-unfunny-pets are practically like cockroaches - you can’t destroy them - not even that keeps being interesting.
1. Each ending is different, but this score rather means the ending of the series as a whole. There is no real conclusion, but that’s only natural for a show that’s lacking plot development. I don’t even remember what happened in the last chapter. Everything’s so random that you could just switch each episode with another one and no one would notice.
4. Believe me, this show is SO BAD, you will one day have to see it again before you can accept it how much they fucked it up. Still only a 4 because healthy people won’t watch this again, other than to get trolled.
4. You have Funny, who dresses up like a hooker, but other than that nothing important can be said about her. Then there’s the sun-guy. He’s always behaving like a baby and asking for Funny’s attention. Then there’s the moon, an evil thing that’s always moaning and complaining about being left out and not getting any attention at all, so he decides to go on a killing spree each episode.
0. The conversations are nothing more than some random simlish. If you guys ever played The Sims before, you know what I’m talking about. For the moon and sun, coming from an entirely different planet, I could still accept that. But even Funny seems to be suffering from Dyslexia, Dysarthria and Huntington disease at the same time.
3. This doesn’t even look like Anime. This is just some CGI drawing. Nothing more, nothing less. The animations are boring and unappealing.
3. Everything happens either inside Funny’s house, or just outside of it. From killing ants, to flying a balloon and shooting cannonballs at the sun’s head. Yes, these are actually what some of the chapters are about.
Music and sounds
1. The only good thing about the intro song, is that it gets stuck into your head for the rest of the year if you hear it. Wait, that’s not even a good thing… Other notable sounds include Ooooooh and Uuuuuw, like when they get some kind of bright idea in their heads, and the moon laughing like a possessed maniac.
... What the hell is this and why does it exist?
There isn't a story AT ALL, so zero.
The animation is some craptastic CGI.
The sounds are awkward and the language they speak is like worse than Sim language.
The Moon is a douchebag who always dies, the chick is a dumbass, and the Sun is just kind of there...
Admittably, I did laugh a few times at how dumb it is. So 1/10.