DISCLAIMER: Massive spoilers. If you like this show, I have no ill will. Obviously, everything I say here is to make fun of Miura, because fuck Miura.
Employee: Sir, the first episode of season 2 has one of the most important scenes for Rin and Shirou’s relationship.
Miura: How about we make Rin sound like a tsundere, and have a lot more screaming and jokes. And then we get rid of the original soundtrack that means so much to the fans.
Employee: Miura-sama, we have 12 more episodes to fill, should we go in depth about some of the explanations in the VN?
Miura: Haha, silly boy. How about we expand Caster’s backstory, but get rid of the actual point of it? And all the foreshadowing about Caster and Kuzuki’s relationship? Yeah, don’t need that. And now that’s 3/4 of the episode. Oh and let’s have Gilgamesh be completely badass, and Shinji be a bitch, for set up.
Employee: What is that setting up?
Miura: That the next episode is going to be good, of course.
Employee: You’re a genius, Miura-Sama
Miura: Alright, now let’s take about 2 minutes of the VN and make it an episode. Oh, and after that super slow pacing, CRAZY RUSHING TIME. Archer and Lancer? They can fight for 30 seconds. Then, we can just not go into depth at all about the plan they had in fighting Kuzuki and Caster. Caster’s power level? It can just fluctuate throughout the whole show, who gives a shit? And now Kuzuki and Caster can go out like shitty fodder villains with no depth, because we changed their backstories. I know, I’m a genius.
Employee: It’s time for the legendary moment. Unlimited Blade Works’ first appearance.
Miura: Alright, let’s set the stage. Saber and Archer fight like One Piece characters, standing there, talking, then fighting. And let’s show the headaches, because that’s totally fine considering we haven’t shown any of the others ones. UBW can just be CGI, and we can use the budget on more Saber fan service shots.
Employee: We rushed the shit out of the past few episodes, so I assume we are going to go into detail about any future scenes that need it, and speed up unimportant scenes.
Miura: That could work. But here me out. The whole next episode, could be all Shirou and Archer basically having a “Is so” “Is not” argument for 20 minutes.
Employee: But this Shirou is a completely bland, cookie cutter protagonist, why would anyone care about his ideals?
Miura: Who cares, money money money! Alright, first, we do a great job with Lancer’s final moments. Then, we have Shirou and Archer stop and talk, instead of talk while fighting. So that way, instead of this being one episode, it can be 3. Also, Archer should cast UBW, because fuck power scaling. And also, projections can just kinda chip now, because we never explained in this version why they disappear when they chip. And even though Archer casted UBW, we can just use it as scenery, because he doesn’t use it at all. Let’s finally have a great moment, with a Aimer song playing in the background and everything, but it makes literally no sense if you haven’t read the VN. And even if the anime onlies figure it out, it doesn’t mean anything because of how bland Shirou is in this anime.
Employee: Yes master, what genius.
Miura: And instead of just getting rid of monologues entirely, let’s only give them to characters that don’t need them. Let’s have Saber, Rin, Archer and everyone else monologue, get flashbacks, etc, hell let’s give a fucking Grail a flashback, while Shirou remains blank slate. Let’s spend all our budget on pointless landscapes while we replace fights with sfx clashes and use poor CGI for Unlimited Blade Works. Everything that made the original Answer so magical, let’s just remove it for padding! Rin still caring about Archer because she loves Shirou? Removed, let’s just have her cry for no reason. And Gil’s shitty explanation for leaving? Let’s make it shittier. This is Shirou’s moment. What defines him. Yeah, say goodbye to that bullshit, Gil exposition.
Employee: What are we going to do with the next whole 4 episodes?
Miura: After skipping out on literally all the depth the whole show, lets waste a whole episode on fucking nothingness, have a random Saber monologue that means nothing. And, lets add the high jump scene, but take out the reason that scene means anything.
Employee: It’s time for the climax
Miura: Saber and Assassin’s fight. I have an idea! What if we get rid of the fact that Assassin only lost because of his sword being bent, and just have Saber win because? And Shirou not being shown to do any of the shit he does in this episode? Let’s add some lighting effects and screaming, because our fans are clearly idiots. And why not turn the grail into an arm?
Employee: But we’ve only shown Shirou to be a blank slate, how can we show this fight?
Miura: How about he tanks Ea face on? Genius, I know. Then, padding, padding, and more padding. Then, next episode, we give Shirou a 5 minute monologue that came out of nowhere, and no one cares about because Shirou is stupid. We could also have a hot blooded fuck you speech from Shirou and lighting and lasers and shit for UBW, without explaining what UBW actually does.
Employee: That’s only 50% of the episode, what else do we do?
Miura: Pointless Holy Grail filler of course. And Shirou vs. Gilgamesh? Let’s have Shirou jump 50 feet in the air and deflect all the swords by hand, instead of sword raining.
Employee: Final episode, what do we do?
Miura: Filler. Filler my young one. And let’s make this filler wrap up no loose ends, yet make it the most enjoyable episode of the series, for anime onlies and VN fans.
Employee: Wow, you nailed the 6th Kara no Kyoukai movie, and now this? True genius.
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