Diabolik Lovers

TV (12 eps x 15 min)
Fall 2013
2.784 out of 5 from 16,122 votes
Rank #16,511

After her father moves and leaves her behind, Yui Komori arrives at the mansion she must now call her home, unaware of the horrors that await her. For Yui’s new housemates are vampires, and she’s been sent to live with them by the church as their prospective bride-to-be. But what sounds like the subject of a romance novel soon turns to despair, as these fanged beauties are delighted to have a new plaything to torment and will stop at nothing to force themselves upon her and drink her blood. Yui must now learn to cope with her new life of being sadistically abused at every turn, whether she’s called derogatory slurs, forced to feed the vampires’ bloodlust against her will, or being treated like the garbage they see her to be.

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First, you need to like reverse harem animes. If you don't like multiple bishonens and one stereotypically flat-chested girl, then move along. You still here? Ok, let's break this down.  Story-wise, this is a mess. Some things make sense, but a lot of the time stuff is just said or done without any rhyme or reason. Like, how does she not become anemic by day 3 with all of them just randomly biting her whenever they feel like it? There are also situations (the effing school for one) that are brought up and then unceremoniously dropped. It's like the writer wanted to emulate Vampire Knight for just 3 scenes. There's also the whole "mother" thing, how does someone known in politics have 3 wives and no one comments?  The animation is quite lovely. It's pretty average for the animation the past few years, and it's not unique. So, it gets a 7 overall.  I liked the opening theme. It definitely defines the male characters. The end theme wasn't very remarkable, though. And here we come to the lousiest part of this anime. Usually, with a reverse harem, you like the male counterparts; you cheer for your favorite to win the girl's affections. Not this anime. When the boys were introduced, I relabled them: iPod, Butler, Pancake, Bitch-san, Crazy face, and Subaru. They remained these names for the rest of the anime. Because I cared for none of them. They had little to no redeeming qualities, treated the girl like crap, and just came off as creepy bastards.  Overall, this was a meh anime, even by reverse harem standards. 


Vile shitbags draining the blood of a young, helpless, maiden against her consent in ever-escalating, creepy sadistic ways. I've seen a hefty load of shitty anime in my days, but this... this is on par with Funny Pets, one of my most hated shows ever. In all seriousness, this has to be one of the most vile, disgusting, repulsive and humanity-slapping series I've had the unholy misfortune of watching while lacking anything redeemable or anything that might qualify as a guilty pleasure for that one specific trait. Not so bad it's good, no so bad it's hilarious, not so bad it's bad, but so bad that it makes kicking puppies look like happy fun hour. It's that bad. Where do I begin? Where do I begin? I have no clue. Everything's terrible so I don't know where to plant the shovel in the pile of shit. It's not even a pile, someone made a sadist mansion out of it and right when they finished building it, a shitnado came down and fucked shit up. But logic dictates that I start somewhere and speaking of the heart-wrending plot would lead to speaking about the douchebags that inhabit this house of douche. Plots, where a young, high school girl named Yui is unknowingly lured into a mansion of symbolic rape, false emotion (It's all quite real, all of them are a bunch of demented, sadistic fucks whose only pleasure is showing her pain and assaulting her whenever they can), some... age old plot of old world vampires and a whole bunch of stupid shit that leads away from the whole "rape" thing and into some non-rape intrigue which is infinitely better than the shit that is normally there, more lies, misogny- chauvinistic? A whole bunch of anti-female shit and treating them like bitches. I lost my place, but the plot is almost episodic in a way, or character specific for the first god-awful six episodes, or seven. One for each brother having his way with the young, scared, lonely, abandoned by the world girl. There's no plot to be had that is even remotely decent as it's mainly a series of symbolic assaults on her body for her blood in a variety of places, in and out of the mansion. And it is vile. Truly, very, vile. I came to dread every time an episode was released, as it would be more "Bitch-Chan" this, "Pancake" or "Flat Tits" that, name-calling, assaults, rampant douchefuckery, attacking an innocent girl and again, probably again, it escalates. The next episode finds some way to top it. The main plot is in the second half and before then, you would have long stopped to care about any plots or any "character development" to make these bastards look "sympathetic" or some stupid shit like that. There is history to be had and some tragic shit is done but it in no way makes them redeemable, sympathetic, woobie or anything but a bunch of vile criminals above the law who need to die a slow, painful and agonizing death. How bad are they that no amount of backstory could make them troubled rapists? Well, if I go into detail I would degenerate into a profane-riddled paragraph or two about all their bad traits so I'll limit myself to a few of them, the more... "memorable" ones. I of course mean the most hated shitfucks in their bastard family: First up, Hats. There's no point in giving names because nobody is paying attention to shit like that. You recognize them for what they look like and their vile mannerisms towards Yui. But Hats, who doesn't even know her name and is considerate enough to call her Bitch-Chan whenever he can in English or Pancake because she isn't stacked like a Qwaser. Every time he opens his mouth or appears I want to punch a hole in my screen. It culminates in his sacriligious (There is no god in this show) episode which was a true turning point in how I saw this series and took it to a whole new level. His constant verbal assaults and sadistic boners mixed with his fetish for biting everywhere is so wrong on geneva levels. I've got to talk about something else. The animation? Hate it for showing this shit, and while it starts off as serviceable, I grew to hate it more and more as I saw more of these douchefucks. No, just no. Sound, not much better. I just skip the OP and EP to end it quicker. The same tracks play almost once per episode and nothing good can be said as it just goes on. But, I just want to give a shout out to plots again before I move back to characters. That ending? Some of the most retarded shit I've ever fucking seen. That ending was no fucking ending. Shit just fucking cuts off because the animators finally had enough and couldn't take anymore of this shit because it claimed so many lives and half their coworkers were now monkeys in the union, and even they knew better. This has to be one of the most anti-climatic, piss-poor endings I've ever seen that is actually still on par with everything that came prior to it. Truly, completely, worthless and I nearly flipped my shit because I sat through 8 minutes of fucking bullshit to get to it in the final shitisode. I could have been staring at a wall for 8 minutes instead, watching paint be paint. Next up for characters in a series of six repulsive bachelors du vampire, that little shit with the dolls. 1:1 sized dolls. As in grown woman sized dolls. As in that little fuck, among the dead, had all those fucking dolls in his underground rape dungeon where- wait, wait wait wait. Yes, he is repulsive. Yes he is psychopathic sociopathic sadist fuckface who needs to get his face stabbed off but you know what helps push him past the rest of his asshole bretheren? His teddy bear, Teddie. As in that soulless eldritch abomination that he carries with him everywhere he goes to steal souls and rape spirits through his one, lone soulless eye. If it doesn't take your soul, it surely sullies it beyond recovery. That bear... that bear scared me beyond all reason. You're never shown what's behind that eye-patch, or behind that malice-filled grin, one that promises that there will be no lube, no remorse, no mercy... but you can tell, for it to live among them, to have others carry him around, to own that dungeon with all the life-like dolls, to watch and not say a word, you know, that he, that bear, is the true demon. The secret character in the game, the secret, true ending, the end to all things... the mastermind behind it all and the one who will take all their souls as he did to others before. That bear... his soulless gaze pierces the heart and sees all. None shall escape, and all shall have scars. The bear....

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