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roriconfan

  • Thessaloniki, Greece
  • Joined Dec 22, 2011
  • 33 / M

This is the eighth Naruto movie, made around the time of the Kage Summit, after Raikage is introduced. The movie’s premise is quite absurd and it’s an easy way to dislike it in just the first few minutes. In fact, it is tormenting with the protagonist for so long, it is better suited for people who DISLIKE the anime and not people who are still fans. Seriously you guys, you must watch this only if you dig the idea of watching Naruto being molested by prison guards, ravaged by dogs, acting like a prison bitch, saved by useless girls, and constantly rolling over on mud or stormy waters without having the slightest superpower… And that is why I liked it, lol. This is a movie made fo the haters and it’s great service. So please, consider all my remarks that follow as sadistic satisfaction out of a franchise that is now a joke.

The movie begins with Raikage discussing with his personal team about a weird hidden box that can fulfill wishes. This will make you think it is the objective of this movie but trust me, it’s not. Immediately afterwards someone who resembles Naruto attacks them and although he fails, the whole scene makes no sense. He uses a sleeping gas that knocks out elite ninjas in seconds! If they had such a thing why didn’t they use it all these years more often? Anyways, as soon as the assassin escapes they all wake up immediately and stand up like nothing much happened and we get the first lol of the movie with what Raikage comments about this.

“Forget about the whole box crisis that can destroy the world. Just change our priorities to taking Naruto to prison.”

HAHAHA!

The second scene is about apprehending Naruto back in Leaf Village. Anyone with even basic knowledge of what is going on with the show will immediately laugh at what Tsunade is commenting.

“Hey Naruto, I know you are the hero of legend who saved our asses a dozen times but now we have this guy who resembles you so we must send you to prison. Don’t mind how every rookie ninja in the world can easily disguise himself to look like anyone he likes; we will just pretend you traveled half the world, killed several ninjas in three different countries, and returned here before dinner to just tell us it wasn’t you. Now get into that cage and cry like a bitch fool!”

HAHAHA! (this later is proven to be a troll btw)

The third scene is about him taken to prison, where his powers are stripped… and so are his clothes as he is strip searched for possible weapons he may be hiding in … hard to notice body areas. Yeah guards, molest that defenseless cute little gay boy!

HAHAHA!

The next part takes almost half the movie, as Naruto constantly tries to escape in order to prove his innocence … which by now is already taken by the guards, lol. And how exactly do you prove you are innocent by becoming an escape convict? Anyways, since his powers are drained in this place, he is incapable to even throw a punch before dropping on four and twitching like his tummy hurts. And as he is constantly trying to escape he ends up being beaten like a bitch by the warden, tied up on a torture table, ravaged by guard dogs, and almost gets drowned and is saved by a girl, which as we all know is the most useless creature in the Narutoverse. What a lovely way to see that gay ninja getting his ass served on a plate every 5 minutes.

HAHAHA!

Now this prison is one weird place. First of all, there are no prison uniforms; all the convicts still wear their regular ninja uniforms. So even if we pretend Naruto has a wardrobe full of identical clothes, in this place he is wearing the same clothes for months. He must stink like a pig, unless the clothes magically mend and he has out of screen baths. DON’T DROP THE SOAP NARUTO! The security of this place is a complete joke, as Naruto manages to get out of his cell three times in ten minutes. It took longer to do that in those old Jrpgs I used to play. And the punishment for trying to escape is just spending a few days in isolation, where he shits and pisses in a 3X3 room. Priceless! And his beard (or whiskers) doesn’t grow not even an inch all this time. I bet he doesn’t even have beard to grow yet. Or his balls didn’t drop. Anyways, in that isolation instead of learning the hard way not to try to escape, he instead grows even more restless to get out of this place. Nice reform system they have here. He also conveniently learns by a passing-byer that by beating the warden his powers will return. Oh the great things one learns in prison, only to return after his release as a law-abiding citizen.

Oh, speaking of law-abiding, all inmates in that place are ninjas who failed in a mission and were accused by their villages of being soft or traitors for that. So practically everyone in there is an assassin who failed in killing all the defenseless women and children his superiors ordered him to off and was caught afterwards. So imagine Naruto’s face when he is surprised to hear how people are imprisoned for NOT killing more children and women.

“What are you talking about? We are ninjas; we do not kill people. We only save nations by beating bad guys!”

Fifteen years in the field and that dumbass still has no idea what the hell his profession is all about! Not to mention all the hundreds of ninja assassins he fought all his life.

But anyways, his constant determination to escape makes the rest of the inmates to get to like him and clap their hands after he gets his ass served a dozen times but still keeps trying. And it is really funny to see how he thanks them for that by getting on top of a table and dancing like a gigolo. Seriously, this movie constantly zooms on his ass shaking like a fat, hip-hop dancing, black woman. Especially when he is on his knees and in pain because of the sealing of his powers. He takes a doggy style pose and shakes his bottom like inviting all the sexually deprived inmates to come pay a visit to his colon. Priceless.  

Now the news about how they can get out of this place spread and suddenly everybody attacks the warden in hopes to beat him and get his powers back to escape. The warden is one weird guy; despite knowing he is targeted by a hundred desperate inmates he calmly has walks in the prison yard and freely allows anyone who has the guts to attack him. All the rest of the guards in the meantime just look surprised at how useless their security is at stopping riots.

There is another lulz scene, regarding one of the inmates turning out to be a woman pretending to be a man. Naruto finds that out after she saves him and her wet clothes reveal her body figure. She punches him in the face because Sakura is not around to do it in this movie and threatens him not to tell anyone about it. Yeah, it must be kept a secret, it’s not like the prison guards did a strip search when she first entered this place.

HAHAHA!

Ok, here comes another anecdote. Turns out that box in the beginning of the movie was in the possession of some scheming bad guys, one of which was… the warden! And this entrapment was just a ploy to bring someone with huge chakra close to the box so they can open it with Nine Tails. So the joke is that if Naruto had managed to escape, he WOULDN’T have managed to prove his innocence. 

HAHAHA!

And then the second half begins, which has some of the most elaborate plot twists and epic fights in the whole franchise. Seriously you guys, up to now I was laughing with how bad it is and now I was thrilled with this sudden turnaround. The battle with the major bad guy was awesome and I loved how there weren’t useless underlings to waste time in secondary battles. Naruto goes frog-fox and summons that huge toad and kick ass, while the villain could predict all their moves by reading their minds, while a doomsday devise in the background is sucking up people in horror. IT WAS EPIC I TELL YOU!

Although still quite naive in overall, it gets better along the way and ends with a bang. Though it still feels completely cheap in how they managed to beat the villain. Imagine three people whose chests where impaled clear through with spikes the size of your foot still running around and fighting without any problem at all. Lol, the undying kitsch of shounen strikes again! Oh, and don’t miss the end credits, as they include important scenes as well. Nice touch there; made it more mysterious this way.

As always the production values are quite good and the animation fluid, making it a hundred times better than the tv series. I must say it is by far the most enjoyable Naruto movie yet. Although not always for the right reasons.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5nzKw-XIxw

3/10 story
8/10 animation
8/10 sound
5/10 characters
6/10 overall

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MOJ says...

Spoilers....but since this review was so funny, i'll let it go. I have to watch this movie, but something tells me i won't be able to stop laughing because of this review.

Aug 13, 2012
Goshin says...

good review, i was just glad it did not end with a cheesy resengan.  i've come to realize that some kinda demographic must be liking these movies or else they wouldm't continue to make it, kinda like pokemon, sentei etc....

Jun 5, 2012
ShuichixYuki says...

Have to agree with Tiny on this one. Lots of (sexy) Naruto exploitments (oh god, the pants.. *drools*) and to top it all: A huge monster trying to kill everyone and everything, reading other people's fears and still getting beaten by Naruto. Well, that's normal (for this franchise), BUT I didn't expect such a hideous and frightning character.

We definitely need more of this, although the other movies were good as well, only this being my favorite. It was a good read.

May 11, 2012
Tinydestiny says...

Hahahahah! Hilarious, I laughed through half of the review. Accurate depiction in my eyes. Good read.

May 1, 2012