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28 DEC

So, I just recently joined this site because of someone I met. I guess I've decided to embrace this site above all others. No one from my family is aware of this site, nor are any of my regular friends, so I can probably be most honest here without having to worry about any rammfications.

As it stands right now, I am trying to watch as much Anime as possible to reconnect with what I know I am most interested in. I have such a hard time figuring out what I should do or where I should go. I feel so lost, I have no answers. I don't know what to do. I've been searching for a job for a month now, since I graduated from college earlier in December. I know the economy is supposed to be bad, and thus jobs are hard to come by... but still. I feel so beaten down by not being able to find something. I guess something will come along eventually. All I can do is keep moving forward.

This past week, since Christmas Eve, I have more or less given up though. I haven't done much but drink and play games or watch anime. Where as the past few weeks were spent adamantly putting in job applications, this past week has been apathy. And I justify it with the fact that it's Christmas and New Years, but stlil. I know that I need to get my shit together.

I guess I've just been lonely lately. I'm very disconected from many peopel who are in my life. I've been trying so hard to find someone to be with, but I've had less luck at that than I have with finding a job. There are people who care for me, but I just don't care for them as much as they do for me. I want to find my own path, one that is separate from what I've done so far.

Anyway... I've been watching Mirai Nikki all day, today. I'm on episode 10 at the moment and so far it's good. I'll probably finish the series by tonight. I really don't know what else to put in here. I guess I was just venting. I can thank my photography teacher for that. He always said that it was good to just sit down for a few minutes out of the day and write the first thing that came to your mind. Maybe I need to listen more to what he was saying. I honestly feel like, coming out of college, I haven't learned anything. At least I can do one thing that was said to me.

On a final note: I feel like I have no reason for living. I am simply existing and drifting...

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