ikaretababy's avatar


  • gensokyo
  • Joined May 31, 2010
  • ? / M

diary of notcatfish, eva janitor

---"my supervisor just bitched me out. caught me smelling the used lcl after asuka had been in the entry plug. im lucky i didnt loose my job. she spoke to me today. i was cleaning unit 02 and she walked past and told me to make sure the shoulder restraints were scrubbed. my heart nearly stopped. she was so beautiful...

---"i dont know what she sees in kaji...so what if he is ruggedly handsome and can grow facial hair. hes such a stupid...jock...ugh...i need to clear my head and shinji got stuck in some fucking..like blood-filled marble or something and unit 01 is FILTHY so im going to go in to work and have them order another 700 palettes of soft scrub. sometimes i hate this job."

---"fucking ritsuko goddamit i hate that bitch. today she paged me because the plug sockets were dirty and needed to be degreased.... hello??? its not my shift. jesus christ. she didnt care. i guess some fucking big ass eyeball thing was attacking and they were scrambling to get the evas ready for that or whatever cause everyone was flipping out and shit. i managed degrease the plug sockets. i didnt have a lot of time or enough warning to order solvent so it was a miracle that i got it done at all. does ritsuko care? no. "i guess this will have to do" seriously bitch? are you serious? do you know how long it takes to properly clean one of those things? their fucking huge just fyi. i thought you were some sort of scientist. jesus christ."

---"welp i really did it this time... the pilots were doing some sort of simulation. anyways everyone was in the control room observing...at fields or syncro ratios. whatever. no one was around so i um "let" myself into the girls locker room. i was just going to take a pair of asukas panties or something. anyways im opening up all the lockers trying to find which one is hers when gendo fucking ikari comes in. i dont think he saw me at first cause he goes right up to rei's locker and starts rummaging around in her underwear when he notices me. "ummm...err...youre the janitor right??" i dont know what to say so i just nod liek an idiot. he slips some of rei's panties into his pocket and says "well...remember to spray that giant holographic table we have in the command room. weve got ants" and walks out. HOLY SHIT"

---"wow i had a terrible day. first of all the NERV cafeteria served sloppy joes for the third day in a row. jesus christ its a multi trillion dollar, internationally funded organization and they cant afford something better than sloppy joes?? second of all that girl who works in the laundry room, rachel, turned me down. i thought for sure she was flirting with me but when i asked her out she said she was dating some guy from the recovery unit. typical. girls always go for the recovery hotshots. big fucking deal. does anyone have any idea how important my job is? maintenance is a big deal on a 20 story tall bipedal robot. improperly lube up the joints after every mission? guess what? the eva isnt going to move and some big ass diamond just killed us all. yeah. without me youd all be toast."

---"nobody realizes how important i am to this operation. commander ikari is just about the only person here who has higher security clearance than me. oh yeah make fun of the janitor but i bet my clearance level is higher than yours. yeah you simon. you think being division supervisor of engineering makes you a big man? im head fucking janitor. who do you think windex's the creepy ass tanks in the secret rei cloning room? oh you didnt know about that did you? yeah cause your not fucking allowed in there. oh yeah. theyre naked. ever smoked a joint and than mopped the floor, surrounded by 400 identical naked 14 year olds, blasting sabbath? didnt think so. cause youre bush league simon. youre going nowhere. have fun working with super bitch ritsuko every goddam day you poor sucker. i almost pity you."

---"i really think rei has like some sort of personality disorder or something. i put a sign in the girls bathroom that says "please do not flush tampons"(they clog up the toilets and than i have to fucking clean up after) and still every day i get a page from misato "girls bthroom flooding". i know its rei too cause everytime i go in there to snake the clog and drain the floor, shes lurking around outside smiling and i think one time i heard her say "stupid janitor"

---"kaji took a shit in the urinal today. god i swear hes like 12 years old. what a stupid frat boy. i filed a complaint against human resources but since i couldnt prove anything they said the report got waived by upper management. i think misato might have had somethign to do with it. one time i got on the elavator after they got off and it smelled like cum. i had to hold back the barf the whole ride(the geofront is nearly half a mile under the surface of the earth so its almost a 15 minute trip by elevator)"

---"had to pull another all-nighter scrubbing shinjis entry plug. obviously theres no bathroom on an eva so if you gotta go..well i guess you just go. i understand and all but couldnt he go to the bathroom before the mission? now my hands smell like pee and i have a blind date in a couple hours."

---"i asked misato for a personal day friday cause maiden is doing a show in tokyo 3. she said it was fine, so im in the car with derek driving to the show rocking out in his mom's chevy cavalier when i get paged. oh god...i almsot tell derek to turn around but its maiden and theyre only in town for one night. thank god i was rocking too hard to hear my pager going off every 5 minutes. i get home too exhausted to check it and pass out. i wake up to about 700 frantic voice messages. i guess some stupid monster got into terminal dogma. leave it to nerve to get their asses kicked by a monster with toilet paper for arms. anyways, unit 01 is a fucking mess. it needs brand new paint and i have nothing left in our budget for 3000 gallons of "1398 passion plum violet" so i guess its going to have to wait until i can get a special budgetary restriction waiver from seelee and we all know how long it takes to get anything done through that beurocracy, ill probably be retired by the time i get the paperwork back."

---"so my friend derek works in laundry with rachel(aka recovery slut--seriously that unit has passed her around more times than a joint in a room full of mexicans-no disrespect to my buddy jose in weapons matinance, hes a good guy and we were both in the same EVANGELION TECHNOLGY AND PROFESSIONAL PRACTICES program at tokyo 3 community college(class of 07))well anyways derek says that normally they throw away plug suits after a certain number of uses...interesting...he made a duplicate of the laundry room key so i could smoke him out on his breaks. might just help my self to a couple of asuka's old suits. i might as well et something out of this deadend job. gendo just cut our benefits(apparently those rei clones are liek a cool 40 billion a pop...jesus. if nerv even knew how many of those gendo has gone through for his own..."personal use" theyd freeze our spending faster than you can say "i cloned my dead gay wife"). anyways i think i deserve something for the work im doing especially since the solvent we use to clean lcl is giving me a rash and the doctor says i need some special cream which obviously isnt covered by the new plan. thanks a lot gendo."

--- "err....wait...youre the janitor right???" UMMMM actually ritsuko im the HEAD CUSTODIAN... of this entire facility. but yeah. to a stuck up bitch like you i guess im just a janitor. guess after over a year here she can be bothered to remember my name. its fucking jeff. it says that right on my name tag. you know, the one i wear everyday. so anyways as im leaving for the day she flags me down. "before you go we need you to to oil the powerlifts, we have a sortie tomorrow and blah blah blah something about a big fucking bird in space. who cares." i told her my shift ended 4 minutes ago and im going to need overtime before i even so much as touch the power lifts or i'll file a grievance with the union so fast youre head will spin finally i stood up to her. ill probably have a pink slip on my desk tomorrow morning but it was worth it. oh yeah i dont have a desk i have a fucking closet. the head custodian cant even get a desk in this goddam boondoggle of an organization. have you seen gendo's office? i have cause i have to vacum that weird, completely unnecessary shit on his floor(i think its like some magic rune or something). that thing is solid marble it probably cost as much as i make in a year. whatever its friday and i dont have to deal with this bullshit for another 48 hours. *slams whiplash dat tape into walkman, hits play, waits for bus, purposefully takes route that goes by asuka's highschool*

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