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  • Canada, eh
  • Joined Dec 27, 2009
  • 25 / M

Kakumeiki Valvrave

Jul 17, 2013

Story: To set the tone right off the bat, most of it is an orgy of pink bubblegum explosions and laser spams, and I mean a fuckton of lasers, bullets from chainguns (IN SPACE), a buttfuck fuckton of missiles because shit blowing up, you know? You know. Shit blows up. A lot. And mecha just tearing shit apart. Action in every single episode of this batshit insane, stupid ass series with twists up the wazoo. Wazoo? Think of it as ass because why not. It's chock full of 'em, irregardless of how illogical, stupid or silly they are.

But to start off coherently or sensibly, it's pure, action-packed fun. I mean, it starts with a man and a woman, two co-workers all la-de-da when they get shanked by a big ass blade that's made for shanking. In space. In the first minute people die! You know you're in for something and know what? It keeps it up by some world building throughout the episode and the climax which should not be spoiled for how random it is. And by random I mean "Naked guy wearing a tophat waltzing down the street and whipping a rubber chicken from his butt-crack and whipping your knee-caps with it" random. Or weird. Or simply the tits. But it builds on that twist concept with some badass mecha battles in the following episode. There's mecha action in every episode and aside from the first, these Valvrave mecha things fuck shit up (Along with badass and it's suffixes, I cannot say that enough). And I mean fucking shit's shit up. It escalates until it reaches an orgasmic peak of dumbfoundery and badassitude that it's just plain awesome. Sure it's stupid as all hell but there's no way you'd stick with it for that long if you were expecting something intelligent.

Fun, fun fun fun. Crazy fun. Non-mecha time is spent with the students, and it's pretty fine all on it's own. Pretty good even. Certainly nothing political intriguing or plotting plots, hatching schemes, vile villainy or some... incredibly convoluted non-teenager intelligent shit but I found it to be enough to not make me hate it or mildly dislike it for not being shit blowing up.

For the actual plot, ... it's simple enough. Survival and shit. But it's mainly between Space Germany, Space America and Space Japan. To be fair, it's more like Super Germarussia or the Galactic Holy Roman Empire (Think Teutonic here, or just think of a badass militaristic state of Germany and Russia combined), Space America (Built on diplomatic alliances and shit, but still America. In space) and Space Japan, which is Neutral and totally... not as superpower-ish. There's no other nation in the planet, or on Earth-2, which is where most people are because it's space. Some political shit goes down bada-boom, badda-bing, you got your Colony thrown into the fires of Space Germany and shit gets real. It doesn't get much farther than the two nations wanting the Valvrave and Space Germany fighting tooth and nail for it, because it's Space Germany. Super crack-squad of murder specialists are sent and shit just happens.

Really, you aren't here for the plot. And since there's a second season to explain what the fuck happened in the last episode because the fuck man, the fuck. But despite all the shit that went down there, it still retained it's badass flare and kickass fights because if there isn't at least one fight per episode, you're probably watching some pussy ass anime that isn't about shit blowing up in space and mecha face punching some bitch ass ships.

You heard me. Some guy in a mecha uses his fists to kick some ass instead of laser spams. Because if he used his massive balls, the show would be over once he appeared.

Animation: Now, I know this is strange and the animation probably doesn't deserve a 9 but it's because it just looks so... new-age to me. The character designs in particular, they look pretty spic and span, something recent stuff would look like. A bit more polished to the stuff I was used to prior to watching this and I liked it. Felt slick, you know. And the mecha designs, those I loved. From all the colours of the rainbow and the way they moved when they fought, the special abilities looked GORGEOUS and it was just so amazing and fun to look at! It was fast, it was energetic and baby I loved it!

And the pink bubblegum explosions. Now that's creativity.

Sound: Um... I... kinda skipped the OP/EP but I did enjoy the OP and the EP was snazzy, I guess. The VA I have no problem with and I can't remember the music from inbetween the OP/EP. BGM, if you will. Yeah.

Characters: Characters? Psh, who needs deep characters when you have shit blowing up and orgasmic battles of testicular exploding magnitude. Not this one, that's for sure. Main guy Takeru? He's cool. Gets cooler as it progresses so he's good. Elf, he's badass. Actually, if you're Space Gerussian, you're badass. It's a requirement for joining the Space Corps. Black Haired Gal, a friend of Shouko? A friend of brown-haired chick is pretty cool. She has backstory and depth. I like that. Sakura- Brown-haired chick, she's pretty cool. What she does later on is wicked.

... what would you expect? The characters are hardly deep and some are total jerks at times but it's a badass show about pink explosions and space fights. Some are badass, sure, but I can't be judging characters solely based on badassery as I'm biased enough as it is. You may care for some but for the majority, you could care far less. Hell, I can only remember three names and one of them is Colonel Fucking Cain.

Overall: Say what? A 9? The fuck Thrawn, lay off the milk. And let me assure you, I based the 9 on how much fun I had with it. It's not deep, logical, sensible, intellectual nor sophisticated and the story development is stupid- well, most of it is stupid. But what it is is unbriddled fun with some crazy twists, illogical and improbable situations, mecha on 20 ship action, pink explosions, stupid ass developments and overall, an action-packed space fare. I just had a blast with it and I didn't need to use my brain once.

6/10 story
9/10 animation
7.5/10 sound
5/10 characters
9/10 overall

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ManBearPig06 Nov 12, 2013

I just finished the first season, and I think this review is awesome. I like your humor as well, laughed more than a few times while reading this, thanks for that :)