Once there was a plucky young boy from Canada, with $5 in his pocket and a chip on his shoulder. He set off on what would end up being one of the greatest adventures of all time. He had decided that he, and only he, could slay the beast to the North. Of course, being in Canada, going north is extremely dangerous. Everyone knows that going north in Canada will bring you to the land of Ice, where everything is made of Ice and the people have to eat Ice and live in Ice and they are actually made of Ice.
"How can I help you young lad? Have you come to slay the Ice Beast?" Spoke one HORRIBLE ice person to Rov. But Rov was never one to take shit from some ice guy. So he pulled out his sword that was made of Love and Courage (and also metal) and cut off the demonic humanoid's heads. Two heads. He had TWO HEADS! And just like that, he fell. Rov ate like a king that night—all the ice person he could stomach. For, tomorrow, he would finish his quest to slay the monster that had ruled this awful land for far too long.
The next morning he awoke to find himself surrounded by more horrible ice people who DEMANDED he apologize for their friend’s death. But this was a quest, not a trip—a guilt trip. So once again, Rov hacked and slashed his way through the grotesque monstrosities. Once out of his shelter, he followed the path of the Ice Beast to its lair. But his path was blocked by a door that only one with a righteous heart could open.
"Screw this," thought Rov, then he kicked down the door. There, in the main room was the Ice beast, it stood 30 stories high and had wings, three of them. Also it had horns all over its face. Rov drew his sword and stabbed it in the gut. But when he tried to pull his sword back out, he was shocked to find it stuck in the ice! The beast swung at him with one of its nine paws and Rov was thrown across the room.
Just then, Rov killed the monster and started watching anime and that’s what he’s been doing ever since. I am Dr. Rov Bokchoy.