For past month I've observed and studied all biographies I came by. Even though my notes on growing potatoes were inconclusive, I have found out, how to make the perfect bio.
Start off by writing your name and age, although they are likely the same as your username and that very small number below it. Follow it up by describing your boring life in detail, so you give material to stalkers and lose everyone else - don't forget to throw in a couple of generic cringy jokes! To spice things up, spam as many anime covers and pictures you can find - remember, the more they scroll, happier they are they reached the end. Now it's the time to link your other profiles on actual social networks, unless you have no life, in which case just write farewell and try to motivate people to post something on your wall, although it will most definitely be in vain, because something as simply following is way easier to do (actually, it's even easier passing by without doing either - so go on, run away! I don't care anymore).