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At Least It Wasn't A Real Sermon

11 DEC

The moment I heard the performance was at a church, I probably should've seen it coming.

My neighbor invited the other neighbors to attend her performance/recital that she had been practicing for. In a spirit of neighborlyness, I and two others went to her performance, at one of the many local multimillion dollar churches that can be found every other block.

At first, it was completely enjoyable. A fun performance with bells, each bell with a different pitch, and people ringing them in patterns. Quite challenging to implement, and fun to listen to. The orchestra in the pit wasn't that bad, though the trumpet player could have used a bit more of a warm-up and probably didn't need the microphone.

And then the choir came out.

I am not a religious person. I don't ever see myself being one, though I welcome the opportunity to be proven wrong. I just don't understand "faith" and the desire to belief that the universe isn't just random chance. I don't really see how believing in a god brings someone comfort, but if that makes you feel better, go right ahead. Just don't try to sell your beliefs to me, because that's where the trouble starts.

And then the personal testimonials began.

I'm sorry, but to claim your god is all-merciful and forgiving and follow it up with a declaration that he was going to let you burn in hell because you lied is quite counterproductive. That's all I'm going to say about the logic used, because if I were to continue, I wouldn't get any sleep at all until maybe after my last final had finished four days from now. But after the first person, the others gave the impression that it was a competition to see who could kiss god's ass the hardest and sloppiest.

And then the children's choir came out.

Children, many of whom did obviously not want to be there. Borderline panic to complete apathy. I know you're free to raise your own children as you please, but do you honestly think that showing them off on stage benefits anything other than your own ego? I swear, that girl looked like she was about to break down right then and there. If they volunteered, fine, but if you volunteered them and forced them to conform to your beliefs, then you should not be a parent. This is my one legitimate complaint that is made without any humor or sarcasm.

Honestly, what the hell.

On a plus note, I have once again completely disproven the existence of the Christian god by remaining in a church for over an hour without simultaneously combusting. Fortunately, the show ended before I had been inside for another full hour, thus preventing the church itself from catching fire and proving once and for all that their god existed, until recently. And since I've got my church for the next five years, I am now free to eat babies and whatnot since god will forgive my sins and welcome me into heaven, where I will be able to continue my rampage of deliciousness.

Japanese final tomorrow, followed by History on Tuesday. This'll be fun.

Support capitalism and big businesses; donate to your church today!
~J Thrynn

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