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  • Horror Stories of an Anime Streamer (#1 – #5)

Horror Stories of an Anime Streamer (#1 – #5)

24 AUG

Anime streaming has taken over my life, and I’m certainly not complaining. However, there are unfortunate happenings that I run into over and over again while I’m trying to watch my shows. And they drive me absolutely BONKERS!

So, like any hassled streamer, I’m going to complain about them here.

To my surprise, there are actually a lot of misfortunes I put up with, and you better believe they are all true stories. So this will be the first part of a four part series. Enjoy.

Theme of the Day: Web Player Mechanics

Spontaneous Shockwave Self-Destruct. At the prompting of the Gods of Internet Misfortune, your flash player decides to self-destruct. There is absolutely no reason for this. You have given your flash player all the updates and upgrades it could possibly want. But it obviously serves higher masters. When this happens, the refresh button will be your only friend in the world (and it will loyally remind Flash Player who is master time and time again for you). However, Flash Player will betray you at a moment’s notice, cutting your streaming experience short more often than your patience (or sanity) can withstand.

The Cursed Web Player. Every streamer has a go-to web player for the times when the Gods of Internet Misfortune are harassing them. This web player, much like the Refresh button, is your loyal and doting servant, bringing you hours of anime when other streamers are cursing their fates. However, this web player’s reliability makes it the perfect (and preferred) target for the vengeful Gods, and they will curse it from time to time just to piss you off. When this happens, your go-to web player stops working. As you and the Refresh button try to resuscitate your dear friend, the Gods of Internet Misfortune laugh at your despair. No matter what you try to do to coax it out of its coma, it will not respond. Tragic, really. And absolutely infuriating!

Deceptive Video Length. The web player says it’s 24 minutes long, but the video ends 5 minutes into the show. It’s even worse when the “you might also like these videos” window pops up. Um, excuse me. Like? Why on Earth would you like another video when you hated this one?! How could you even call this teaser-trailer-wannabe an episode?! Don’t they understand there is no greater sin than wasting an anime streamer’s time? This was nothing more than an elaborate scheme to get “views.” Bastards.

Smeared Video. Scenes meld together, creating a pixelated mess of color vomit. Of course, the audio continues without you, and if you’re unfortunate enough to be watching this particular episode with subtitles, don’t worry, you’re subtitles were also smeared with the video. As a result, you have no idea what Character A just said. You better hope the Gods of Internet Misfortune did not have their eyes on you; otherwise, you have just missed a key bit of information. If you managed to dodge that bullet, count on another scene (of more importance) being smeared by the time the episode is through. 

Mismatched Audio/Video. While watching your episode of choice, you notice the audio and the video are not in sync. You start to lose track of who is saying what in an extended conversation. That deep, manly voice does not belong to the pink-haired girl. No way in hell. And that character is definitely not a barking dog. Wait, who the heck just said that? Who’s talking? That cat may be speaking, but that varies from genre to genre. Was this anime one of those anime? See, now look what you’ve done, cursed Gods of Internet Misfortune! Watching anime is not supposed to be this taxing of an experience! CURSE YOU!

Over To You:

What have you experienced and/or drives you up the wall? Anything from the list above?

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MisanthropElii avatar MisanthropElii
Mar 27, 2014

This was wonderful lolTruely captured the struggle. 

I find that going to certain sites and sticking to them helps a lot. But for the most part I just use my roku box to watch anime that's on crunchyroll. If they don't have it I go to anime-exceed. 

kingshivan avatar kingshivan
Dec 26, 2013

Interestingly enough, I started accounts on Funimation.com and crunchyroll and... I gotta say, it's actually not too bad. I'm okay with paying either of them too, depending on what series they have during any given season. Crunchyroll feels better though, funimation is a little annoying to use.

I've also found it's fun to watch in a livestream with chat. It's difficult to watch anime with people, in my experience at least, in real life. Even if you're totally sure they're into the same genres it's still weird to me unless it's a slapstick or super-action-bloodfest. but livestreams are pretty fun. you get the feeling of enjoying it privately, but can also chime in with your thoughts in real time with a select group.

kingshivan avatar kingshivan
Aug 17, 2013

Great post! (Very cracked.com-ish!)

I would say the most annoying thing I have to deal with is my lag. I only have cell phone internet, 3G, and I live in the boonies, so my connection fluctuates more than the emotions in Fushigi Yugi.

As a result, the biggest, most soul-destroying piece of time-wasting misdirection on the internet is BUFFER BARS. THEY ARE ALL LIES! Why, if the bar is like 3 feet to the right of where the current time is at, does it suddenly stop to buffer?!?!?! WHAT GOOD IS THE BAR THEN?!?!?

PurpleCatAngel avatar PurpleCatAngel
Aug 26, 2012

What I've experienced while watching anime. The constant buffering, the wrong subtitles, constant pausing and little fritzes that happen in the middle of the show.

kitsune89 avatar kitsune89
Aug 26, 2012

That is exactly why I don't watch anime online. Well, except for One Piece, and yes, I have experienced everything listed above.

Anime streaming has brought me to despair!

All hail the mighty torrents and God have mercy on your soul if torrent is banned/no seeders/ACTA comes back.

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