Chapter 10: Searching for Vengeance: Butter Re-Awakening
Man this river is cold like snow. I walked out from the river and looked at the devastated Ichiban District. This place is sooo dead. How this baka Dario could leave me here alone ? Man, when i find him i tore him into thousand pieces. Help me ! Someone shouted. I looked behind me and i saw a man with head put in the wall.
- Hey, are you this man which fought with Daimaou recently ?
- Yes, i am. Can you help me ?
- No way you fucking psycho ! You almost killed me with your kick. Now it's time for payback mwahahaha
I went to this idiot and started to kick him in his ass.
2 hours later
Man i'm so tired, because of kicking you. Hey, are you alive ? Hmm he's not answering. Maybe, he got coma. Wait, what's that. The ground started to shaking. If that's another event, caused by Dario i'm gonna fucking meet Sherlock Holmes in a matter of time.
- Yo, what's up dog ?
I looked behind me. I couldn't believe what i saw. It was... Sherlock Holmes
- Are you Sherlock Holmes ?
- Yes, i'm
- But, you are dead for hundreds of years !
- No, i'm not. As long as they gonna do movies about me, i will never die
- Glad to hear that, but what are you doing in this place ?
- Well, you really don't read newspapers do you ? Many specialists from all over the world were sent here to investigate this fire from the sky case. We must look for clues, witnesses and a man called Butter with dynamite. We must catch him and bring him to Uchicha Sasuke, that will interrogate him. By the way, what's your name ?
I've been terrified. I had to remain calm.
- My name is Billy. Billy Hoyle. I'm your number one fan. Could you give me your autograph ?
- Yes, of course no problem. So, Billy are you living here ?
- No, i've came here for my vacation. My brother runs a shop called Burning Kuso
- Hmmm, so you didn't saw, that fire from the sky ?
- No, i arrived here just moment ago and i was shocked
- Well, don't worry. I'm gonna just bring you to police office and then you gonna tell all what you saw here to Sasuke
Fuck i need to do something, because this Uchichafuck will do something nasty to me. Think Butter, think. I've got it
- Okay, but before we go we must drink my soda, before it will become radioactive
- Sure, no problem. Here fill my bottle with it
Haha this guy is such a idiot. He can't be Sherlock. I'm gonna just give him this dieoactive soda and farewall Holmes, farewall mwahaha.
- Here you go Sherlock
- Thanks, but can you drink it before me ? Sasuke told me, that in Ichiban District, there are many people, that try to rape innocent mans.
Fuuuck. This Uchicha fucker. How could he know my plan ? Hmm just calm down Butter, calm down.
- Glad, that Sasuke thinks about you so much
- Yeah, he's very nice and c..
Suddenly i crashed his bottle on his head. He fell down on the ground. Fuck, that was not good. Now, i'm gonna be chased by a bunch of detectives.
- Butter with dynamite ! Lay down on the ground and take your hands in the air now !
I looked around myself. I was surrounded by Delta Force squad. What can i do, what i can do ?
Suddenly a smoke bomb came out of nowhere, blinding me and those freaks. I felt, that someone grabbed me and took me to the car. We started to escaping, but this thing, just covered my eyes, so i couldn't see anything. After a while my eyes were uncovered and i saw someone very known.
- Uzumaki Naruto ! Just what are you doing here ?
- Shut up you dumbass. They all gonna hear us and chase us, because of your stupidity
- Sorry, but who sent you ?
- Really, you don't know ? Daimaou convinced me to have an eye on you, because you can be linked into another shit, like, that in Vietnam 2 years ago
- Wait, so this giant Fox, that escorted me to American border was you ?
- Yes, you idiot. I rescued your ass many times, only because Dario told me to do it
- I can't believe, that Dario is so worried about me
- Well, he's not worried about you, but about his reputation. If some punk like you was captured and tortured. You simply revelled every secret about him, so he decided to cover you for almost 5 years
- So, when i was in junior high, when those bullies try to beat me up, that giant bee was also sent by Dario to help me win ???
- It was not giant bee. It was Killer Bee and how can you even remember this ? I think, that Men in Black cleaned your memories about it.
- What ? Men in black are real ?
- Yes, what did you think ? That Aliens don't exist ? Look around you man, you even can't realise how many times Master Chief was sent to kill all of Xenomorphs on Tatooine.
- What the fuck are you talking about ? Those things can't be real
- Well, don't be suprised when a fucking Predator will blow your head off
- Wait, what ?
- Just shut the fuck up and let me drive. My mission is to escort you to the District 9. It will take 15 minutes to get there. When we gonna arrive there, Sammy The Brave and James Bond will take care of you
15 minutes later
- Alright we're here. Oh look there it's James Bond. Hey come over here
I saw Sammy The Brave and James Bond heading to our direction. I looked at Sammy. I couldn't believe, that this stupid dog could talk. And i really couldn't believe, that Naruto is the real Naruto. Something wasn't right. Suddenly Sammy bite me and i started to fading out. I saw, that Naruto was killed by pistol bullets. I woke up later. I was sitting in front of Chuck Norris in some dark room. Where am I - I asked but there was no answer. Chuck took my phone and called to Dario.
Meantime at United Katsura Country
- Hmmm, Chiki give me your phone i must call to Butter and apologize him.
- Okay, but just keep walking, because you can get lost on this island without me
- Yes, i know
- Hello, Butter ? Well, i'm sorry that i left you on th..
- It's not Butter. It's Chuck here
- Just what the...
- I have Butter with dynamite here and i'm really mad
- So, what ?
- If you not gonna surrender now, i will have to kill your best friend
- So, go and kill him. I'm kinda tired right now, so can you call me later on this number ?
- See, ya !
I saw suprised Chuck face. He said to me:
- He just turned off his phone
- WHAT ?
- Man i thought i captured best friend of Daimaou, but he doesn't care about you
- So, what you gonna do to me ?
- Well, GUARDS !
- Yes, sir !
- Throw him into a dumbster
- WHAAAT ?
Guards took me and throw me into some shitty dumbster on some poor street. Where am I ?
Chapter 11: Dumbster Adventures
- Hey, Chiki this castle is still kinda far, so can you give me your phone again ?
- For what purpose ?
- Well, i must give call to James
- Okay, here take it. I have other phones, so i give this one to you
- Thanks, men. You're polite like a burning neko
- What ?
- I mean like a very good person
Meanwhile at unidentified location
James Bond & Sammy were in some underground russian base. Everywhere were guards and atomic rockets. Fight has started. James was shoting his enemies with a M-16.
- Hey, Sammy bite this poor bastard in this ass !
So, as you can read, Sammy really can talk. After James order, Sammy started to bite every enemies he saw. When on battlefield was only one bad guy he turned on the bomb.
- James come quickly here. This idiot turned on the bomb !
- How many time is left ?
- 2 minutes
- Okay, so i just take this scissors and... wait Sammy i'm color-blind. Which wire is green ?
- Well, it's this on l..
- Hold on, someone is calling to me
- Hey, James we're in the middle of something !
- Shut up, it's Daimaou
- Hello, James. Are you busy right now ?
- No, i'm just trying to turn off the bomb that will destroy whole Europe, so yeah i'm not busy
- But, James..
- Shut up ! I wasn't talking to you Dario. So, what do you want ?
- I have transmitter in Butter eye and i can see, that he sits now in the dumbster on some dirty street in Berlin, so can you go there and save him ?
- Yes, just wait a minute. Now Sammy which wire is green ?
- That on your left side
- Okay, so i'm gonna cut it... now
- Wait !!
- What ?
- I mean on my left side
- So, which is my side ?
- Okay, so i'm gonna cut it
- But, what's gonna happen if the right wire is red ?
- Then, whole Europe will become post-apocaliptic like Africa
- But, Africa isn't post-apocaliptic
- So, what ? I'm cutting the green one
Bond cut the green wire and the counting to bombing has stopped.
- Hurray, it was right decision. Now, Dario we'll going to Berlin, so don't worry we gonna save your friend
- Okay, that's good, but he's not my friend
10 hours later
Fuck it's so cold in this dumbster, i can't get out my legs from it. God, why you forsaken me ?
- I haven't forsaken you, you're just an idiot
- Wait, who said that ?
Butter looked down and he saw some old guy looking like Dumbledore.
- Hey you old geezer, get the fuck out of here, i'm trying to win Oscar here !!!
The old man vanished
- What the fuck was that ? It couldn't be god. Unless...sorry man you probably was Gandalf, so i'm truly sorry about my mistake.
Now where was i ?
- Hey, Butter how long do you plan on sitting in this shitty dumbster ?
Butter looked down again. He saw Sammy and James.
- We're here to rescue you so get off of this thing and come with us
- But, i can't. I'm stuck here !
- Don't worry. Go shuriken no jutsu !
The dumbster was cut into 2 pieces
- Sammy you idiot, you could just separate my legs from head. But, wait, how did you even throw shuriken, when you're dog ?
- Because, i'm a PRO. Now follow us, we're going to United Katsura Country.
- Okay, i understand
And so, the very not important heroes of this crappy book went to United Katsura Country, but they were suprised, that the island was separated from the land by water, so they never really get there.
Used characters from animes/movies:
Uchicha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Killer Bee from Naruto
Dumbledore/Gandalf from Harry Potter/The Lord Of Rings
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