Before I proceed with my review of the timeless, popular classic that is Ninja Scr - I mean, Ninja Resurrection, I would like to ask a few probing questions. Don't be shy. Just answer as honestly as you can. Are you a rapist? Do you enjoy murdering children? Has Satan always held a special place in your heart? If you answered no to all of the above, then might I suggest, instead, the eye-gouging class taking place next door? If you answered yes, however, then Ninja Resurrection is exactly what you have been searching for all your wretched little life.
Opening with a narrated slideshow of ancient Japanese art, Ninja Resurrection looks like it might be another boring, snobbish political commentary on the eternal conflict between government and religion; but no need to panic, because Ninja Resurrection is just getting warmed up! Quicker than you can say the word ‘skilful', everything collapses rapidly into a random sequence of rape and violence. I mean, what could be more relaxing with your evening cup of herbal tea than a woman writhing in pain and distress, all the while the camera makes sure to capture the titillating jiggle of her boobies?!
Getting bored is physically impossible as Ninja Resurrection spews forth a series of events designed to appeal to the witless degenerate no doubt lurking in every one of us. Time and time again, I found myself on the edge of my seat, wondering whether I should go watch my paint dry some more. Then, suddenly, (despite all efforts) I'd be drawn back by the positively jubilant rape of some warrior woman who blatantly deserved it, or Jubei's epic sword-wielding against that legendary dragon-made-of-bricks.
Moreover, with a lead antagonist made famous for his penchant for eeeeeevil (let's face it, what could be scarier than the devil himself?), and with demons lifted straight out of The Evil Dead director's cut, Ninja Resurrection is clearly an innovative and genre-defining work of horror. If you weren't afraid that Satan would be resurrected in human form through the devious actions of a short, ugly old man before, then you certainly will be now! Truthfully speaking, I haven't enjoyed so many ‘wtf?!' moments in a long time; and when I think about the deep, pockmarked impression Ninja Resurrection has left upon my psyche - and quite possibly, my soul - I know I never will again.
Do you like gore? Do you like gore especially when it involves children? What about massive tits? Because, if you do, then the bland character designs, barely average action sequences, the fit-inducing repeat frames, and frequently contrived desecrations of Christian symbols will be barely noticeable!
Again, Ninja Resurrection can border on the pretentious with its uppity orchestral themes reminiscent of all those 1950s Hollywood classics. Fortunately, it manages to remember exactly what kind of anime it is, and drags us all screaming back into reality with the hackneyed voice acting of the entire cast.
All of the protagonists are easy to identify with. Unless, of course, you don't like salt-of-the-earth types who live hard, fight hard, and devil-worship according to their native Japanese traditions. I, for one, can't help but admire their ability to defy all the rules of characterisation and character development; in fact, the sheer lack of either is truly astounding.
Strong and infinitely silent, Jubei the warrior slashes his way across Japan, taking down innocent priests and monstrous apparitions alike; although his motivations are never fully explained (since Ninja Resurrection has been left heinously unfinished), I suspect that what he wants - what every humble and self-sacrificing hero wants - is to fuckin' kill shit!
On the other hand, while Shiro the priest may seem like a do-gooder plot device at first, even he doesn't escape the Ninja Resurrection treatment, and is soon causing havoc with new and delightful consequences. I cannot even begin to describe the other characters, as I feel the English language doesn't contain enough words to capture their distinctive level of complexity.
If Satan, in all his fiery majesty, paid you a personal visit and told you to watch Ninja Resurrection, then it would probably be wise to do as he says. On the other hand, if you don't get visits from metaphorical religious characters, then you're most likely not in the right frame of mind to appreciate such a masterpiece anyway - you just wouldn't get it.
Christianity has been banned throughout the land by the Tokugawa Shogunate, but a small sect in the hills continues to practice the forbidden religion. Unbeknownst to them, a demonic force seeks to exploit their innocent faith and only one warrior who has been sent to assassinate their leader – Jubei Yagyu – can stop it. What follows is a journey of savagery and terror as Hell itself spills out its evil influence into the world.
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I'll review anything as long as there are words in the dictionary to describe it. Disagree with me? Want to leave feedback? Please do, but take a look at my personal rating scale first.