Six Angels Review

story 2/10

After sitting through approximately 90 minutes of episodes (6 in total), I can tell you that I still have no idea what the hell just happened. At first, it woos you with pretty CG images and a decent intro talking about how the world has abolished capital punishment, is basically going down the toilet as far as nuclear waste and threats of war, and how there is a rumor of a fallen angel. Sounds interesting, right? Unfortunately, past that point, the story takes a nosedive and goes down faster than a chihuahua in a cage match with an elephant.

Since nothing is spelled out very well and we don't care enough to pay attention anyways, there are some fragments you can still glean from the supposed plot. There are a bunch of prisoners down in a place called Neo Purgatory. These prisoners all have bandaged faces and huge eyes, which look exactly like one of the monsters from the Mermaid's Forest TV series. Do we know why the prisoners are all bandaged? No, not really. Do we care? No. The Guard of Rose are a group of six freakish looking women that protect women from men's violence (why the hell was this even put in the series?), and they somehow get involved in a sinister plot by the villainous Donn Canyon to destroy humans, since they are polluting the planet at too fast of a rate. At this point, you'd probably be fidgeting at light speed and wanting nothing more than to go watch reruns of the worst show ever (besides 6 Angels) to escape the pain, but alas, it continues. We also have an angel who comes out of nowhere (that we know nothing about, except that she was found in a reactor... I think), odd interjections from the President of the United States, a robot alarm clock that flies around helping everyone out, lots of helicopters, nuclear missiles in space, and lots of other completely random things. Stir it all together with a heavy dose of suckass, and you have the plot attempt of 6 Angels.

I honestly don't think many people out there could understand the plot better than I did, because it's weak and terrible to begin with. Around the halfway point I stopped reading the subtitles as intently and focused on laughing at how bad it was. And when I say bad, I don't mean hilarious in a good way bad like Baoh, I mean really bad like Wild Cardz. I wasn't laughing in enjoyment, I was laughing in pain that I had to keep watching it. Death by ham sandwiches would have been preferable, but alas, I am out of ham at the moment.

animation 5/10

Visually, 6 Angels alternates between really interesting and really, really terrible. There is a great deal of CG to be found throughout most scenes, mostly of sci fi looking things like panels and robots, or aerial shots of helicopters, or nuclear missiles in space. Some of this was fairly seamlessly integrated with animation, and other times it was Panzer Dragoon style bad, with a cheesy fake looking floor with anime characters running along it. The regular animation looks decent from far away, but scares the hell out of you once you are close up. The character designs in particular were especially scary, with Marilyn, one of the main characters, looking like the manliest transvestite I've ever seen. Seriously folks, her body looked like a man, her face looked like a man, and Dave and I were convinced she was a man for a long time. All the characters had these strange detachable looking breast cups on the outside of their outfits, though in one woman's case, once we see her breasts exposed FOR NO GOOD REASON AT ALL, they are way larger than the detachable cup thing would have suggested. I kept wondering what the hell this aspect of the armor was there for, but alas, I never could figure it out. The hair colors looked like they were chosen at random out of a box of crayons, and looked silly to boot. Marilyn, for example, had bright platinum blond hair with PURPLE highlights. The evil Donn's hair not only stuck up and made him look like a tree trunk, but his hair even changed color between two of the episodes! Last I checked, Hypercolor died in the 80s. I should know, I owned two shirts. Gee, what else. There's the eye highlights which were shades of such things as bright Dune spice eyes blue, or bright red. Who the hell has red highlights, seriously?! Combined with potentially blue or purple hair, this looked incredibly ridiculous. Maybe the art designers were bleeding all over the frames, that's a potential hypothesis to explain what otherwise would be a completely ridiculous decision. The angel's character had huge bug eyes that made me think she was going to suddenly transport herself to S-Mart and scream "I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!". Too bad Bruce Campbell didn't pop in for a cameo to blow her ass away with his gun.

The robot clock was cute, but had no real purpose. The designs of the prisoners, as mentioned above, was weird and strange for no reason at all. I've decided that everything about 6 Angels was engineered to make no sense. This way, the odd graphical things combined with decent CG makes sense, just like everything else in the series... .. .. . right?

sound 5/10

The audio for 6 Angels really wasn't that bad given what type of show it was (girls kicking ass against bad guys), but it wasn't great by any means, either. It consisted of mostly synths that were quite cheesy in general, but again, the cheesiness fit the overall tone of the series. I didn't have a problem with any of the voice actors.

characters 0/10

Well, we've already discussed how freakish the characters looked, and unfortunately, I don't have as much to say about the characters themselves. Everyone to be found was completely shallow and lifeless, and we didn't know pretty much anything about any of them. There was zero character development, and plenty of shallow roles to be filled for both the primary and secondary characters. The weird random character of the day award goes to the robot clock, whose purpose I still don't understand. Many of the characters were introduced, and die or go away without you knowing who they even are, let alone why there were in the series to begin with. Other characters are with you the entire series, and you still don't even remember your name (or perhaps you are just blocking it mentally in your mind because of traumatic shock of having to watch this). The characters seem random and have random quirks (not in a good way), though the entire series is random so this makes sense I suppose. Truly laughable characters with absolutely nothing to redeem them. NOTHING!

overall 2/10

6 Angels was bad, very, very bad. I gave the overall score a 2 for the pretty CG. Normally if a show just had pretty CG, I'd rate it a little higher, but 6 Angels was so bad that the rest of the bad stuff overpowers that visual score. The characters are ridiculous, the animation style is HORRID, the music is average, and the plot is nothing more than various samples of vomit that have been mixed together to form a new strain of supervomit. This vomit is then forced down you, the viewer's, throat and then regurgitated heartily. Seriously folks, I can't think of anything good to say about this except that the CG is decent. Other than that, my god.. why are you even watching this? It doesn't even have enjoyment value for being so bad it's funny... this is so bad it's just... bad.