Add manga entries here!

[cassiesheepgirl]

Originally Posted by Pippin4242

Well yeah, but it'd make the whole of the first book fairly boring if people realised that the power I'm alluding to came directly from the very first game he's shown playing with. Would you really like me to add that in? I'm obviously still on shaky ground here, and I'd really like to get the hang of it, because then I can edit the rest of my entries without bothering people too much. I've an awful lot of relatively unusual manga I've read too, and I'm looking forward to helping out as much as I can over the coming weeks. ^^

You don't necessarily need to mention what game it is - a lot of avoiding giving away to many spoilers is just trying to think of another way to put it - and sometimes it can actually add dramatic effect.

For example; say there's a group of four friends, bob, terry, fred and george. At the end of volume 2 of this imaginary 25 volume manga, terry gets run over by a car full of clowns and dies. Say this plot point is realy important to the development of the story but you don't want to give away exactly what happens and to who. You could word it like: but one day the group is torn apart by a tragic event. How will they cope after that fateful day, and will their friendship be strong enough to weather the storms ahead?

That's a ridiculous example, but yeah, you get the gist :)

I'll stop rambling now. I've had an edit of your synopsis, though mostly it is just slight re-wording and re-structuring.

Motou Yuugi is a shy teenage boy who lives above a game shop with his grandfather. Finding himself constantly lost in his own world filled with games and puzzles, Yuugi is both isolated and rather immature. His only friend is Mazaki Anzu, and while he is attracted to her, she insists on treating him like a younger brother. One day, a pair of bullies ruins one of his most prized puzzles and Yuugi is naturally devastated. However, he soon finds that his obsession has at long last paid off when he utilises his skills and unlocks a special hidden power. Now, through the use of his mysterious punishment games, Yuugi can finally get even with the school bullies, and maybe take his own brand of justice out into the wider world.

Does this still seem right in relation to the manga? (obviously with this bit "However, he soon finds that his obsession has at long last paid off when he utilises his skills and unlocks a special hidden power." I'm going with what I've gathered from what's been said without giving too much away)

[Pippin4242]

Hey, that looks really good! Guess I should be paying more attention to structure... it really pays off when you've got so little space in which to express yourself. ^^;
I really appreciate the help in your post. I might even go so far as to suggest that the description would be particularly useful if it were added to the first post of this thread?

A few dabs of rewording, for accuracy's sake. Also, I spelt the main character's name wrong. I've been out of the fandom too long. T_T


Mutou Yuugi is a shy teenage boy who lives above a game shop with his grandfather. Finding himself constantly lost in his own world filled with games and puzzles, Yuugi is both isolated and rather immature. His only friend is Mazaki Anzu, and while he is somewhat attracted to her, she insists on treating him like a younger brother. One day, a pair of bullies ruins one of his most prized puzzles and Yuugi is naturally devastated. However, he soon finds that his obsession has at long last paid off when he utilises his obsession-honed skills and unlocks a special hidden power. Now, through the use of his mysterious Punishment Games, Yuugi can finally get even with the school bullies, and maybe take his own brand of justice out into the wider world.

[cassiesheepgirl]

Cool :)

I'd say that changing obsession-honed skills to specially honed skills - the repetition of obsession is a little awkward.

As I said earlier, it all comes with experience. I've written quite a lot of anime synopses and a few manga ones, and it's amazing how much I've improved. I look back to my first submission and cringe a bit. XD

Anyway, it'll be good to see how you edit the others. I'll have a look when you post them :) (and be sure to check back for feedback.)

Right, I'm gonna finish reading this volume of Yakitate!! Japan (silly but fun) and go to bed - I should really get out of this 3am bedtime habit hee hee.

[Pippin4242]

Haha, I'm up late reading Eyeshield 21 myself, Yakitate's spiritual cousin. XD I didn't realise I'd repeated obsession actually. I'm trying to very slightly imply that he does eventually get the stolen puzzle piece back, since it's of great importance to the plot. I think I'll redo the ones I had a go at tonight in the morning, taking your advice to heart.
Thanks again! ^^

-Pips-

[thatdarnelmo]

Parasyte
Tags: Horror, Science Fiction, Aliens, Psychological, Seinen


Humans are putrid beings. If humans were destroyed, wouldn’t the world be saved? On the night of an alien invasion, Shinichi Izumi discovers the horrors of those deemed parasites, and rightfully so. Parasites creep their way into a host through openings such as the nostrils or ears. Shinichi is a strange case; his parasite accidentally wriggles its way into his hand, unable to reach his goal: the brain, where parasites kill their host and dominate the remains as a new species. Because Shinichi’s hand was taken over, and not his brain, Shinichi and his parasite, named Migi, have two separate thought processes. Shinichi has the upper hand in saving mankind by coexisting with Migi, but will he take the gamble and battle with those possessed?

Mars
Tags: Shoujo, Romance, Drama


Kira is painfully shy. Rei is the very definition of extrovert. Kira finds joy only in the gentle beauty of artwork, while Rei lives for the thrill of the ride, and we’re not talking only motorcycles here! Kira takes a step out of her feeble boundaries and asks Rei to model for a painting, and he agrees! When news spreads like wildfire around the school that Kira and Rei have a ‘thing’, not everyone is as overjoyed as the awkward couple.

MeruPuri: Marchen Prince
Tags: Shoujo, Romance, Fantasy, Comedy

Airi Hoshina is an average high school freshman, except for one minor trait that is seen by the world as having ‘abnormally high standards in men’. These expectations were hatched by Airi’s favorite television show Tales of Marriage on the Plains, where the philosophy portrayed is ‘true, simple happiness is earned in humble amounts’. On her way to school, Airi loses family heirloom, a mirror. Aram, a young prince from a different world deemed Astale, returns it to her, claiming to have used it as a portal. It is discovered that Aram’s older brother placed a curse on him: Aram ages in the darkness. Can Airi and Aram best the trouble that awaits them in Astale and tend a not-so-simple love?

Also, the anime series Gravitation, Onegai Teacher, and Onegai Twins don't greatly differ from their manga series. I've read all the manga for all three titles as well as watched all of the anime, and I think that the synopsises would suffice both ways. :)

[Kari5]

I've read MeruPuri and MARS, and those details are right, although Sothis might want to comment on the actual writing style.

[thatdarnelmo]

Originally Posted by Kari5

I've read MeruPuri and MARS, and those details are right, although Sothis might want to comment on the actual writing style.

Sothis already added two of my suggestions and said it just needed a little tweaking, so I'll leave it at that.

[sothis]

these are a good start - i have some feedback.

first, try to make them a bit longer as a best practice; you can do this by fleshing out the time/place, the background of the character, or the situations the character gets into. akira is definitely too short, the others are quite borderline.

for akira (you dont do this in the others) remember to not put anything that sounds like a personal opinion or review; this includes talking about the story in the third person ('[name] is about...' 'follows two characters named' - instead of 'A and B are two friends who live in the [bacground of where it takes place]). i'm also left with a lot of questions such as what is akira, and am fiending for more info on what their encounters with the military and such are (depending on how much is a spoiler, you can expand on it)

lastly, with the non akira ones you end them with a question in a certain way (namely, saying exactly what will happen) - i'd suggest trying to rewrite these. instead, talk about specific things (that are only based on a certain percentage of vols as i mentioned in the other thread) that happen and challenges the characters will face - it's a lot easier to end with a question that essentialyl spells out what will happen ultimately, but it also doesn't sound as good as a different way of putting it.

if the final end really is important to have there, you could phrase it something like

'with a, b and c standing in his way, so and so will face many challenges and [meet new friends? experience sacrifice? etc] as he moves towards becoming whoever, the king of blah' (made up all of this obviously).

a good rule of thumb is to change up the endings so sometimes you do a question, sometimes you do elsewise. ^_^

hope this helps! :D (by the way, you dont need to include anything except the title, tags, and synopsis)

[sothis]

dont get me wrong, none of these are 'bad' - i'm just trying to nip the question type thing in the bud as 2 of your first 3 had it... it could be that any of your future ones don't, but i have no way of knowing and i like giving detailed feedback when possible.

akira: awesome. thanks for redoing it, sounds much better now and the length is good.

historie: it still sounds good, but it still is too short. also, 50% of it is questions now (the last 2 of 4 sentences). if you tell me that this is the only/best way to write this i'll put it up, but i generally shy strongly away from synopses with a huge percentage as questions. i think there's always a way of getting around it by explaining at least one part in a different way. for example, 'eumenes begins to have recurring dreams of [insert what he's dreaming of here], and even more ominous (or some other word here) is that his parents appear to be keeping [adjective... dark?] secrets from him. Embracing his fate, eumenes will struggle to follow in the footsteps of H, [the [someone] of [whatever?] who is this guy?], ultimately making his way to the court of Alexander the Great.'

agreed that if this is historical, it's ok to say where he ends up. also, you said there's still questions - i assume the 'fate is about to step in' is one of them that cant be answered? putting a bit more info as to what that is would help with the length if possible.


cesare: you're right, it's definitely not bad. as long as you keep the 'try to not end always with a question/giveaway' in mind it could be good to go. the length is still fairly short so if it's possible to bulk it up with more details, that would be ideal (for example, if its not a huge spoiler i'd be interested to know why his life is changed forever when he meets Borgia - otherwise it seems like a somewhat cheap hook to use 'his life is changed forever' but give no details, not even a vague hint :p). also as one other minor bit of feedback, you say spanish caesar but i havent had a sense yet in the synopsis that he's become gung ho about things. this could be fixed by putting a small intro in front of 'angelo soon realizes' such as 'Though as Angelo becomes more and more [adjective] with [stuff]' (i made that up)

thanks for the edits :) i'm only giving such detailed feedback cause i think you're alllllmost there for not needing much editing level, and that's pretty rare heh

[sothis]

hey reinhart, one quick akira question. i showed it to someone who's recently finished the anime and she mentioned the focus sounds very different from the anime - namely that the manga makes it sound like the focus is the military's plans, and not kaneda going after his now-crazy friend. it could be that the manga differs in that way - can you confirm?