Site Reviewer Recruitment Drive - Apply Here!

[wolfwoodscross]

Thank you for the advice. I will write it over and see what you have to say.

[ThePatches]

Originally Posted by wolfwoodscross

I wonder how come the two reviews that were before me (which were horribly written) didn't get publicly blasted, but mine did. Of course, there's nothing personal going on, nothing personal at all.

My first review got laid into by Sheex and VivisQueen. Despite my horror, therik, Veev, and vivafruit pointed out that getting attention from three different site reviewers didn't mean my writing was bad, but should be taken as a sign of interest--always a good thing.

[sothis]

the two before you were denied, privately, with very general feedback (not nearly as detailed as what i gave). others who have applied (most who apply) get the level of feedback i gave, or more. if you look at any site reviewer review thread, you'll see the same level.

i gave you personal, detailed feedback as somewhat of a favor, given the unpleasant exchanges that have been going on and my desire to show you that you will be treated fairly. let's be clear here - the people above you didn't get the benefit of almost an hour's worth of attention/feedback; you did.

if you'd prefer that i PM you a copy to work with, I'm happy to do so and will delete here.

please take a step back and don't take this so personally - i understand that you think you're a perfect writer already, but we all have room to improve; i think it's clear based on my feedback that you do as well, and that's not a bad thing.

[wolfwoodscross]

you guys respond to comments so quick, I didn't even have time to delete the earlier comment and collect myself. I realize upon looking at the review that I am far from a perfect writer. The writing was stilted and broken up. I am taking your advice right now and attempting to write better pieces for submission.

[wolfwoodscross]

This should be more adequate; however, I appreciate the feedback as it gives me necessary information that will help me in fine tuning my writing skills.

Angel’s Egg: 8/10
Now and Then, Here and There: 8/10

Angel’s Egg

Story: 7/10

Angel’s Egg didn't have much of a "storyline" per say. More or less it was a collection of images with a central theme running through all of them. The story followed a mysterious girl as she traveled across an industrial landscape incubating an egg. She came across a man with a peculiar interest in the egg. At first weary of the man, the girl came to trust him and began to travel with him through the city. It’s difficult to explain the symbolism without giving away the entire film. Angel’s Egg deals with many themes - it is a tale of fear, misplaced trust, men seeking things that don’t exist, and the ultimate betrayal that trusting a religion – I’m sorry, a man - the ultimate betrayal that trusting a man will bring.

Animation: 8/10

Angel’s Egg had animation that could be likened to a fine wine. Fans of age would come to appreciate the cultured style; meanwhile, more new fans would find it antiquated. The characters were literal representations of the art style of Yoshitaka Amano, the concept designer for the Final Fantasy series. While this aesthetic was appealing, the minimal usage of animation (the anime preferred instead to focus on single cells of animation for minutes at a time) wouldn’t appeal to someone looking for multiple frames of high quality animation. Viewing the movie as an art house piece, the use of minimalism was poignant creating certain moments of ambient intensity. Usage of dark colors in the film contributed to creating an environment that seemed hostile and nightmarish. This worked well considering the dreamlike setting of the film.

Sound:7/10

Angel’s Egg had an ambient soundtrack that had its ups and downs. For the most part, the music was a heavy mix of orchestral sweeps, crashes, and background noises that complimented the feeling of creepiness and alienation. Although this worked to suit the film’s theme it was not, however, memorable in the least. The voice acting was sub-par, sometimes having its good moments, but just as forgettable as the music.

Characters: 6/10

Those looking for a character driven narrative will be disappointed by Angel’s Egg. Characters of the film were symbolic, rather than literal. The personages had no depth to them.

Overall: 8/10

Angel’s Egg was an art film for art film’s sake. Fans of anime as a form of entertainment will be bewildered by Angel’s Egg; however, fans of surrealist, abstract, or absurdist cinema should be delighted by its voyage of expression. Angel’s Egg was a concise dissection of religion through the usage of minimalistic dialogue and surreal animation.

Now and Then, Here and There

Story: 8/10

Now and Then told the story of an ordinary Japanese boy named Shu. Upon encountering a mysterious girl and her otherworldly pursuers, Shu was sucked into another dimension. A dimension that was rife with megalomaniacal psychopaths, blood thirsty child soldiers, and more post-traumatic stress than Vietnam War vet could shake a prosthetic at. While Now and Then had a cathartic and evocative storyline, it was simple and predictable. The story progressed through intensive dialogue and character interaction. Viewers would likely be kept interested by its frantic pace and continuously evolving situations. Fans of action series would most likely find it boring; meanwhile, fans of drama would be sucked in to its emotionally sadistic tale.

Animation: 9/10

Now and Then had a style that was typical of Pioneer during the 90s even sharing the same art director as Tenchi Muyo, Rei Nishino. The style was clean and in many ways a predecessor to a style used by BONES. Now and Then was highlighted by its uncanny attention to detail. Animators didn’t get stingy with frames as the sparse action sequences flowed just as fluidly as the rest of the animation in the show. Separate designs for characters lacked distinction, however, and were boring and uninspired.

Sound: 7/10

Now and Then boasted a forgettable soundtrack, but was dubbed with passion. The opening theme, closing theme, as well as the three other songs I heard in the show suited the action on screen, but did little to stand on their own. Top notch voice acting by the staff conveyed depth of emotion with convincing humanity.

Characters: 7/10

The cast of Now and Then displayed little or no growth in regards to the plot. More interesting players came in the forms of Hambo (the psychotic dictator of Hellywood), Sara (my personal favorite), and the vengeful Elamba. Main characters Shu and Lalu-Ru were not engaging and came off a little dry. While the cast of Now and Then were a little two-dimensional, their interactions over the course of the OVAs were natural and well-scripted.

Overall: 8/10

I think fans of sci-fi dramas, retro anime, or just plain old fashioned emotional masochism will enjoy Now and Then. With a well-paced story, adequately interesting characters, and high quality animation Now and Then delivered a completely enjoyable experience with a satisfying conclusion.

[sothis]

hmm - i think i'll have the other site reviewers step in at this point as i'm thinking i probably explained myself poorly. i'm surprised to see the word count drop so dramatically - i think you had a lot of good points in the originals, and tightening up certain sections was definitely needed, but now the sections are for the most part very short. for example, now the NTHT story section (which was called out as needing a lot more detail), is 2/3rd of the original length, and 1/2 of that is a rehash of the synopsis.

off hand, as well, the majority is still very stop and go (some places have improved though). then again, the stop and go thing is usually not something that can be picked up immediately, and generally requires plain old practice. cassiesheepgirl, for example, is one of our newest reviewers but her first application was months ago. with general feedback suggestions she worked on a few things (stop and go was one), and now she's gotten the hang of things and has been brought onboard. i'm posting this as an encouraging message for you or anyone else who applies - even if ultimately the application is turned down (I'm not sure if yours will be or not, just saying), we highly encourage people to continue to work on the feedback points and to reapply.

as another note, i think it's always a good idea to let feedback absorb at least a day before attempting a full rewrite (i think most, if not all, of the other reviewers here, do the same). this way there's a chance to look at things with fresh eyes.

anyways, i'll open the floor up to them now. ^_^

[therik]

Figured I might jump in here and throw out a few observations on this second draft.

Firstly, I'd have to repeat what sothis said about the length. Certainly she did advise you to tighten it up, but not at the expense of your insights or opinions. Take a look at what you said about Angel's Egg's story. I've cut your writing up into three sections

Angel’s Egg didn't have much of a "storyline" per say. More or less it was a collection of images with a central theme running through all of them. The story followed a mysterious girl as she traveled across an industrial landscape incubating an egg. She came across a man with a peculiar interest in the egg. At first weary of the man, the girl came to trust him and began to travel with him through the city. It’s difficult to explain the symbolism without giving away the entire film. Angel’s Egg deals with many themes - it is a tale of fear, misplaced trust, men seeking things that don’t exist, and the ultimate betrayal that trusting a religion – I’m sorry, a man - the ultimate betrayal that trusting a man will bring.

The blue section is a synopsis, the likes of which can be found on the site or elsewhere. It's helpful, but doesn't provide much of a personal insight (which is what a review is for). The green section is a statement which doesn't help the reader particularly in discovering what is good or bad about the anime. The red section reads like the blurb on the back of a DVD box or the like. What's missing from here is a section which really looks at what the story does well. Did it move you? How? Did you find it interesting? Why? Was it memorable? What was memorable about it? Is the narrative gripping and exciting or slow and thoughtful? Does the story make you think or wow you? Both? There's so much you can say about the plot of an anime - any anime - that you should really look at putting a lot more into this. You need to think about what questions the potential viewer might have, and answer them based on your own experience. The same goes for every section, paragraph and even sentence of your review. Think about what people need to know, and tell them.

Something else that seems to be lacking is a personal touch. There's some debate to be had over just how objective or subjective a review ought to be, but you certainly need to inject something that feels like a personal opinion. Take this, for example:

Those looking for a character driven narrative will be disappointed by Angel’s Egg. Characters of the film were symbolic, rather than literal. The personages had no depth to them.

It just strikes me as three plain statements. What is interesting is what you made of the characters. Can their lack of depth be forgiven because they're meant to be symbolic? Would the show have been better off with complex characters? Were you disappointed by the absence of character-driven narrative? Why/why not? What effect did the characters have on you, symbolic or otherwise? Get involved in your writing and deliver your thoughts and opinions with a punch. It's important to understand that not everyone has the same tastes, but your reviews are YOUR reviews. They need to say what YOU think. As another example, here's what you said about Now and Then's animation. My thoughts are in bold:

Now and Then had a style that was typical of Pioneer during the 90s even sharing the same art director as Tenchi Muyo, Rei Nishino. The style was clean and in many ways a predecessor to a style used by BONES. [<--- does the clean style suit the anime? Does it make the anime feel more real? More easy on the eye?] Now and Then was highlighted by its uncanny attention to detail. Animators didn’t get stingy with frames as the sparse action sequences flowed just as fluidly as the rest of the animation in the show [<--- so what? Why is it good to have things flowing so well? Does it make the fight scenes more involving? Does it make them more exciting? Does it give any jaw-dropping moments?]. Separate designs for characters lacked distinction, however, and were boring and uninspired. [<--- well, it's obvious this isn't a good thing, but how bad was it, all told? Was it tough to tell the characters apart? Did the fact that they looked boring make you care about them less?

While I wouldn't expect every single one of those questions to be answered, they strike me as something that would be helpful to the reader of your review, which is the person you need to keep in mind throughout.

Looking at other things, sothis already mentioned the stop/start problem, and you seem to have cleaned up a few other things (notably repetitions, passive voice and other traditional bugbears).

One piece of advice that I will always hand out, however - whether you're writing a review, an article, a blog post or a pizza menu - is to write with a swagger. There's something to be said for neat, precise sentences with all the commas and semicolons finding their way into the correct holes, but to really bring your prose to the next level, you need to write with your own voice. A confident voice, where the words flow onto the paper. Did my last sentence have a verb in the active clause? No it did not. Do I care? No, sir. Grammar, spelling and the likes still need to be correct and spot on, but it's just as important to not feel like you're worrying about them, and just write. I think this might clear up a lot of issues for your writing - the stop/start sentences, the lack of real oomph behind your opinions, etc. etc. - and it's something well worth working on, even if it takes time. Practice writing, practice writing sentences with different structures and of different lengths. Mix up your vocab, find a word you've never used before and use it (correctly, if possible ;)). Tie all this together and see what you can come up with. Basically, more stuff like this:

A dimension that was rife with megalomaniacal psychopaths, blood thirsty child soldiers, and more post-traumatic stress than Vietnam War vet could shake a prosthetic at.

would be welcomed with open arms. There's no need to put a joke in every line or force metaphors and similes in where they have no rightful place, but a bit of bounce in your reviews and the occasional line just to show-off ought to give your writing much of what it's missing. Work on enjoying what you write and writing what you enjoy. It'll show, and it'll make your work a pleasure to read.

I think that's the best help I can give. Feel free to PM me if you want any specific pointers, and I'll see what I can/can't do for you ;).

[sothis]

A dimension that was rife with megalomaniacal psychopaths, blood thirsty child soldiers, and more post-traumatic stress than Vietnam War vet could shake a prosthetic at.

this is a great line to call out - i chuckled when i first read it and forgot to mention it. XD this sort of writing is stellar and shows a knack for creative writing. i'd like to see more of that throughout the review (the bit about fine wine also was great - though i prefered it in its original form with the bit about being bitter, rather than the slimmed down new version :))

[wolfwoodscross]

I don't know - when intimidated by the critique, I made my sections smaller so there was less chance for mistakes. I would like to keep practicing the things you told me earlier and implement them fully into my writing. I would love nothing more than to be a skillful writer.

[therik]

Originally Posted by wolfwoodscross

I don't know - when intimidated by the critique, I made my sections smaller so there was less chance for mistakes. I would like to keep practicing the things you told me earlier and implement them fully into my writing. I would love nothing more than to be a skillful writer.

It may sound silly, but I would worry less about the mistakes at this point and more about getting practice in. Read stuff by writers you enjoy, and see if you can figure out what makes their work so awesome. Implement those elements into your own style and write more and more until you're confident in using them and you've made them your own. Honestly, I think it's a lot more important to write attention-grabbing prose than writing with all the Is dotted and the Ts crossed. Punctuation and the like are necessary, but can be dealt with separately and later on.