The Power of Cool - An Ongoing Story by Lagore

[lagore]

Part Twelve
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"Alright!" said Quatro, "Time to introduce you to our other pilots!"

Quatro was leading Tommy down the sleek white hallways. It was a pretty nice underground base, with some sliding doors with keycard slots, video cameras pointed down the hallways, and all the other stereotypical things you might expect from a well-maintained underground base.

"Your see, Timmy-"

"It's Tommy."

"Yeah, whatever. So, anyways Timmy: Around here coolness is an actual thing, like water, or strength, or a banana. And it can be measured too! For example, I have a Cool Level of about 94 KiloCools."

"Uh-huh... Is that high, or what?"

"Haha! No! Actually, it's on a scale of one to ten-thousand, so I'm technically the weakest person here. YEEEAAAAAAHHHH!"

Quatro played a few licks on his guitar to emphasis how awesomely uncool he was.

"Uh..." Tommy raised an eyebrow, "How are you playing that? There isn't even an amp in the hallway."

"You still don't get it! When you're cool, you can do anything, including playing an electric guitar with no electricity!"

TO BE CONTINUED...

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[lagore]

Part Thirteen
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They had entered a dorm room with two beds and a sexy Chinese woman reclining on one of them. She was wearing one of those tight, red dresses with a floral pattern that all the Chinese women wear in the movies. Her hair was long, straight black, and covered one of her eyes. The end result was that she looked really, REALLY Chinese.

"This is Lin," Quatro Whispered in Tommy's ear, "She's Chinese."

Lin put down the copy of The Art of War she was reading, and stood up.

"Well, well, well..." she said as she began to circle Tommy, eyeing him up and down, "You must be the new pilot. I bet you think you're pretty hot stuff, huh?"

"No ma'am. I was just kidnapped."

"So intend to just walk in here and upstage all of us. You really think it'll be that easy?"

"I kind of get the feeling you're not listening to me."

"Well, I've got news for you: I run this place. My cool level is 328. I'm the third coolest pilot in this entire organization. You might as well just pack your bags and leave, because we're best earth has to offer, and there's no way a puny punk like you can stack up to us."

"Do I really have the option of leaving? Because I've been trying to leave for a while and no one will let me."

TO BE CONTINUED...

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[lagore]

Part Fourteen
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"Wow! I can just feel the chemistry between you two!" Quatro said, "And now let me introduce you to Sakura!"

Tommy glanced around the room, "What, is she disguised as a desk, or..."

Lin sighed and pointed to a chair in the corner, "She's right there, dumbass!"

In the chair, tucked neatly in the corner, was a cute little Japanese girl, about eight or nine years old with a blank expression on her face. She had short, white hair topped with a red bow, and was wearing a little white kimono. She was completely focused on reading Le Petit Prince.

"Alright, this whole thing has become completely absurd. I mean, who's in charge of hiring people here? Because, you know, there's a reason why we don't allow kids to fight in wars. Can you imagine the opening to Saving Private Ryan done with fourth grade girls? Well, I can. And actually, I think it would be pretty funny. But what I'm trying to say is that it would be kind of impractical."

Lin and Quatro were staring at him in utter confusion.

"The **** are you talking about?"

"You're crazy man! And that's why I dig your jam-jam hullabaloo!"

TO BE CONTINUED...

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[lagore]

Part Fifteen
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Tommy lowered his head in frustration, "Those words don't even form a coherent sentence, Quatro. Okay, listen: this is all just the most stereotypical thing I've ever seen. I mean, it's like I'm in some poorly written story. In fact, I've never met this girl, 'Sakura,' but I think I can safely sum her up in one sentence. Her emotion never changes, she rarely talks, but when she's in a fight she is extremely deadly. Am I right?"

"Uh..." Quatro mumbled, "Yes, that's actually exactly how I would describe her."

"See what I mean? I've seen that exact same character type in dozens of shows. And another thing," Tommy said, holding up a finger, "Are these the only girls in this organization?."

"Yep."

"Well, what is that supposed to convey? That the only cool women are attractive asians? No, no. None of this makes sense. This is a stupid organization, with a bizarre sense of what's cool. **** this. Let's go meet the other batshit insane people and get this god-awful day over with already."

TO BE CONTINUED...

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[Jensling]

this story really cracks me up XD
continue the good work ^_^

[lagore]

Part Sixteen
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"You already met Tungsten, right?" Quatro asked.

"Yeah, he's the stoic, dual-pistol wielding hitman in a zoot suit, right? He was a pretty nice guy, all things considered."

Quatro had led him down the hallway to another dormitory room. In it were two men. Tungsten was the scary guy who had kidnapped him from school. And the other guy... Damn...

He was an extremely tall, extremely muscular, extremely black guy who was dressed as, what appeared to be, a vietnam-era US marine. His sleeves were torn off, and is clothes were wrinkled and dirty, despite the fact that there was no dirt in the underground base. He sported a thick, porno-style mustache, and some big, reflective aviator glasses. His most noticeable feature, however, was the massive customized 1917 Browning Machinegun he had slung over his shoulder. It's tripod, ammunition belt, and massive size clearly showed it was intended to be used by a crew of men, but this guy didn't seem to mind.

"Who is this jive cracka?"

TO BE CONTINUED...

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[lagore]

Part Seventeen
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"He's the new pilot! His name's Tommy, like that album!" said Quatro, finishing it off with a guitar riff.

"Well, listen up, ya' jive turkey: My name's Remington, and I'm the baddest, funkiest mutha in this division. If you're here, that means you got potentials. But you still gonna have to work if you wanna be real cool beans around here. Can you dig it?"

There was a brief pause before .

"Wow. Am I the only one who was offended by that? I mean, I'm not even black and still I thought that was way over the top."

Suddenly a loud alarm started sounding and some red lights started flashing on and off.

"What does that mean?" Tommy asked, "Do we have movie sign?"

"No dice, home slice," Remington said, staring off into the distance, "It means we got some aliens that need killin'."

"This is gonna be a long day..."

TO BE CONTINUED...

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[ohtoriakio]

Funny story so far, the twists and turns are fun and ridiculous - the best kind!

[NimirRa]

"No dice, home slice."

[Pendevous]

LOL!! The story is really, really funny man!! This will describe how I feel: