A little compilation of my poetry

[Shimus]

Comments and constructive criticism please. I strive to get better as would any artist at his spot. These are a couple I just did last night on a whim, never know when inspiration strikes, but you must seize it and use it.

My first poem is called

"On my Way"

Off in the distance it shines,
From the air to the pines.
It’s freedom, hope, every time.
It’s song, dance, and a glass of wine.
It’s for those days, those places
One may forget their faces;
Times long past, times yet to come
Even the lonely man has a sweet swan song.

I’m on my way, yet again.
Through these vast hills of my mind;
It seems as though I’m everywhere;
but in reality I’ve just touched a breath of air.
Over those hills is a place I long to be
clear on the other side, away from all that’s me.
Separation, partition, a place where I can live.
On my way, yet again, ending up captive.

Second one is entitled "Heart's Turmoil" a reference to the book series of George RR Martin, whom I feel is a masterful artist. But I digress. Here is the poem:

A Game of Thrones: Heart's Turmoil

In the Game of Thrones the ruler is oft denied
Kicked in throat, or punched in the eye
Friends end as rivals, rivals end as friends
Who knows the tale that never has as an end

But alas is me, for such drama is seen
One too many, or one too many for me
Family fights friends, friends yell at family
To the point of he said, she said, is just plain silly.

Petty and rude are in there too,
tossed inside for cruelness to brew.
A Heart's turmoil is never complete
I wish ignorance and I would re-meet.

Woe is the beholder that witnesses such;
It is never easy to guess, but it happens much
Strategies to break man, man into stone
Oblivion's caress, the darkest unknown.

Wishes turn onto deaf ears, already set in their ways.
One would hope to be heard, if even for a couple days.
But when the game of thrones comes to a tie;
everyone seems to not care, and takes their turn to die.


With that, I'll turn the floor over to you all. Thoughts, comments, concerns. I don't mind, I can take it.

[Lamme]

I've never really understood the thing in poems but I think yours are quite nice.
But yeah, I dont know a shit about poems so I cant say much.
Good job tho! ^_^

[Way2Death]

i like your poems especially this line:

Friends end as rivals, rivals end as friends.
Who knows the tale that never has as an end

Great job

[Shimus]

Originally Posted by Lamme

I've never really understood the thing in poems but I think yours are quite nice.
But yeah, I dont know a shit about poems so I cant say much.
Good job tho! ^_^

The thing is expressing your feelings on a sheet of paper, some would say it's harder, some would say it's as easy as writing down "Happy."

To me, a good poem is something that makes you imagine (imagery) what the speaker or writer is trying to envision. If you fail on that basest point, I don't consider it art.

For example, the Epic poetry of Homer, the Iliad or the Odyssey. He made a vast lengthy poem of epic scale and never once failed to make us think about it, it's why it's still at today's forefront. If only I had his talent, I might attempt one.

But thanks for the comments guys. Anyone feel my poetry isn't too great? I can take a hit, really. I need to get better if I'm to attempt a shot at grandeur with an epic saga!

[shunt-the-pirat]

Scottish Poetry Selection - Lord of the Isles

this is my favorite poem, i used to write small bits of poetry myself; but nothing really noteworthy

[arc666]

I just dont get poems put the first one seems to have a nice meaning behind it so good job.
The second one seemed abit random to me.