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#1 (permalink) | |
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MY DNA IS MADE UP OF ANIME
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Eating out my avatar in Gensokyo
Age: 31
Posts: 7,419
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Lingerie Senshi Papillon Rose
Synopsis, screenshots, recommendations ~ Add Recommendations Site Reviews: KiraRin Discuss the completed anime or post full reviews here. Post format and full rules can be found here. __________________________________________ After having a mini rant in another thread, I felt I should pad out my hatred a little more and write a proper review for this piece of garbage... Quote:
H.
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Last edited by rockenroll4life; 07-20-2009 at 09:47 AM. Reason: Added link to site review. |
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#3 (permalink) | |||
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MY DNA IS MADE UP OF ANIME
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Germany
Age: 28
Posts: 8,962
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Indeed, as ThePatches says, a very good review. So glad the ecchi stuff is getting comprehensive reviews now. Although, don't feel duty-bound to just review shit. Haha. Two things that came to mind (neither to do with your punctuation :D):
1) Quote:
2) Quote:
Quote:
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#4 (permalink) | |
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MY DNA IS MADE UP OF ANIME
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Eating out my avatar in Gensokyo
Age: 31
Posts: 7,419
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Quote:
Thank you ever so much Viv, you have no idea how long I agonised over the last sentence. And it still didn't feel right, even as I hit enter and added it to the site :P I really thought you might have picked up on "bumping uglies", but I really liked that phrase :D And don't worry about me watching ecchi.... its a way of life ![]() H.
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#5 (permalink) |
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MY DNA IS MADE UP OF ANIME
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Germany
Age: 28
Posts: 8,962
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I thought 'bumping uglies' was a wonderful phrase. I don't know if it's northern, but the more of that shit you get in, the more I'll love your review.
I'm still trying to get 'toff' and 'wanker' into a review. *serious face of effort*
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![]() ![]() Check out my podcast - Nakama Britannica - latest episode is a review of Angel Beats! |
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#6 (permalink) |
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Otaku
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I loved this review! Kira, you're a darling. I'm not sure I particularly agreed with Veev that the last line needed changing but her version still reads very well as a clincher and you were obviously happy to change it, so all is well.
In terms of writing, I think the sentences are still a little stop/start, particularly in the opening few paragraphs, where your sentences don't vary much in length. It's a small issue, however, and something you'll improve on over time, I'm certain. Your alliteration, on the other hand, is very neat and not overdone (which is often a peril when using the technique). It actually took me a little while to find out why I was enjoying your adjectives so much and it wasn't until "frivolous females" that I identified your alliterative undercurrent as the source of my reading pleasure. Basically, I like your style. |
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#7 (permalink) |
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MY DNA IS MADE UP OF ANIME
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Germany
Age: 28
Posts: 8,962
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Damn you therik, you sexy beast, you hit the nail on the head.
By the way, one more thing I also wanted to point out - so far, your reviews have all seemed to begin with some disclaimer about how you normally love ecchi BUT [insert criticism of anime]. It works well in this review and the previous ones, but maybe try to vary things a bit for future reviews, since otherwise your adoring fans will find themselves met with the same sorts of lines everytime they open one of your works.
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![]() ![]() Check out my podcast - Nakama Britannica - latest episode is a review of Angel Beats! |
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#8 (permalink) | |||
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MY DNA IS MADE UP OF ANIME
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Eating out my avatar in Gensokyo
Age: 31
Posts: 7,419
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Quote:
![]() Quote:
I also altered the last line of the first paragraph. Eru inspired me ^^ Quote:
H.
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#9 (permalink) |
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Overlord
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Seattle, Washington
Age: 32
Posts: 15,953
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well, id say try to not put a TON of slang into the reviews, especially brit-centric - around half of our audience on AP is from the states and trust me, we'll have absolutely no idea wtf you're talking about :p
some is good, but using more widely recognizable slang/vocab is probably best for the majority.
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