Kanashimi no Belladonna

[valondar]

Kanashimi no Belladonna

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Site Reviews: valondar

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[VivisQueen]

That's a great start. A very good start indeed. Probably one of the best I've seen. However, there are a couple of things you should definitely consider:

1) Jeanne begins as a symbol of purity, she becomes a symbol of feminist rebellion. She is also constantly a sex symbol, often sexualised in those rare parts of the movie where the plot is not doing it anyway. <- As someone who subscribes to feminist thought, I am finding it very difficult to see a character being a symbol of feminist rebellion and being sexualised all the time i.e. this is a contradictory statement in your review.

2) If one feels uncomfortable seeing her sufferings, it is because the imagery is disturbing, not out of sympathy for her. <- Try not to write 'it' without it actually referring to something. 'It' without an antecedent, I believe one might call it. Also, HAH! Beat you to it, vivafruit!

3) I know nothing about this film beyond what I have gleaned from the internet and from having seen the film myself, so I am afraid I cannot provide any original trivia here. <- Most people won't be expecting trivia just like that, so I wouldn't bother mentioning that you dont' have any, and certainly wouldn't apologise for it. Readers just care to know a little about what the show is like and whether it's worth watching or not. If you provide trivia, that's great as long as it's woven into the writing well; if you don't, nobody cares.

4) For this purpose, the plot acquits itself admirably, and paces well, but it unfolds with the same inevitability of a fable. At the end it is at pains to drive its point home rather obviously with an epilogue, but generally restrains itself. It retains a serious tone even in spite of - or even built upon - its expolitative elements. <- This reads a little awkwardly. You seem to have a lot of 'its'. Repetition of any kind of word too close together generally hampers writing. Unless, of course, it is a deliberate mechanism to emphasise something. But I doubt that's what you're doing here. If you can find ways of rewriting that paragraph to have like two or three 'its' that'd be great.

5) There are also a couple of grammar and punctuation problems. The one that stood out for me was your use of 'But' and 'And' at the beginning of sentences. Once or twice every fifty reviews is fine, since there are times you just have to write a sentence in a certain way (even if it means breaking the rules of grammar) in order to get a certain effect. However, so often in one review is just not too good.

Overall, brilliant start and I'm certainly looking forward to reading more. You have a very intelligent voice which is interesting to read. I've also seen you post stuff here and there and a couple of your recommendations. Can't wait to see what else you pull out of that hat. ^^

[valondar]

Originally Posted by VivisQueen

As someone who subscribes to feminist thought, I am finding it very difficult to see a character being a symbol of feminist rebellion and being sexualised all the time i.e. this is a contradictory statement in your review.

That may be so, but it is the stance of the film. Jeanne is continually sexualized, but the ending epilogue makes the feminist theme very overt.

I'll correct the grammar problems and submit a second draft after some further criticism. Thank you very much for the response.

[VivisQueen]

Originally Posted by valondar

That may be so, but it is the stance of the film. Jeanne is continually sexualized, but the ending epilogue makes the feminist theme very overt.

Right, then say that in your review.

And no problem. Good luck with the rest!

[sothis]

agreed that this is extremely close. my only suggestion would be similar to vivis: changing up some of the reused words a bit for flow. for example:

This might seem an absurdly high rating to give the animation. This film is over thirty years old and predominantly uses limited animation, with many stretches of the film confined to pans over still drawings. But, bluntly, this is the one reason to see this film.

-->

While Kanashimi no Belladonna is over thirty years old, its limited animation and endless still drawings are the primary reason you'd see the film

(i paraphrased a lot and woudlnt use this as the final version, but just as an example of how you could change up two "this"s)

and another that stuck out:

Thematically; this film is a condemnation of repressive feudal society and the awakening libido and desire for power that emerges within the humiliated Jeanne. She is the fulcrum of a sexual rebellion and a rebellion against authority

; is used as a way to separate two (full) sentences that are part of the same thought - in this case Thematically can't be its own sentence... but in theory you could use it at the end if you so choose to: "Thematically, this film... [ ] humiliated Jeanne; she is the fulcrum of [etc].

i think if you update the repeats of its/etc this will be prime site quality :)

[valondar]

Just a notice as I have revised the draft above, so, hopefully, further readers will find fresh targets of criticism rather than the previously extant ones.

Thanks again both for the responses.

[vivafruit]

Let me get this out of the way first: this is fantastic writing. Not only was it engrossing, but it single-handedly convinced me to queue up a film I'd previously never heard of. I don't think I've had that happen in quite some time.

That being said, if it feels like I'm nitpicking in my criticism after this, then it's because there's honestly not much wrong with your draft as it is now.

Content:

I feel your claim that the plot is almost always advancing its themes, its imagery, or its sexuality a little strange. For one thing, sexuality is a dominant theme in this movie, so saying it is advancing both its themes AND sexuality is redundant. For another thing, every plot in the history of literature is advancing its themes in the sense that a theme is the broad subject of the work, so the statement is almost a tautology.

Word choice:

This allows for a horrific sexual scene, with notably horrific imagery

While this may be a stylistic choice rather than a simple error, I think it reads somewhat awkwardly.

I also noticed that "sex" and "sexuality" appear too many times in the review. Granted, sexuality is a dominant theme in this movie, but I'm sure there are places in the review that you could find suitable synonyms (lust, intercourse, etc.).

Sentence structure:

Some of the sentences are just too wordy. In some cases I had to stop reading, go back to the beginning of the sentence, and reread it to understand the meaning. Here are some which I think should be split into 2 or more sentences, or rearranged so as to be less wordy:

The titular belladonna, Jeanne, is named after Joan of Arc, but aside from the name and the accusation of witchcraft she has nothing in common with this historical figure.

Also for this one you need a comma after witchcraft.

This allows for a horrific sexual scene, with notably horrific imagery (the pain of being raped is illustrated by showing Jeanne being ripped in two from the vagina up), and thematically shows the degeneracy of the feudal system.

The use of stills allows the film to become tapestry-like, ignoring spatial positions to create striking images – a man’s face enlarged so the spears of the soldiers can frame it, or the robes of an old woman becoming a hillock with a single pan.

Jean also has elements of a character arc – going from pure lover to being completely emasculated and finally giving in to vengeance – but this is handled with a similar detached distance, and he is even less of a character.

Additionally, this is a run-on:

Jeanne begins as a symbol of purity, she becomes a symbol of feminist rebellion.

That's all I saw. Again, great review - I hope to read more from you in the future.

EDIT:

Originally Posted by VivisQueen

2) If one feels uncomfortable seeing her sufferings, it is because the imagery is disturbing, not out of sympathy for her. <- Try not to write 'it' without it actually referring to something. 'It' without an antecedent, I believe one might call it. Also, HAH! Beat you to it, vivafruit!

Nooooooooooooooo

[valondar]

Originally Posted by vivafruit

Let me get this out of the way first: this is fantastic writing. Not only was it engrossing, but it single-handedly convinced me to queue up a film I'd previously never heard of. I don't think I've had that happen in quite some time.

I'm honoured.

Anyway, I've attempted to address your criticisms and have revised the review.

[vivafruit]

Some other things:

Now that you've broken up all of the gargantuan compound sentences, your work is a little choppy. By this I mean that while your sentences are individually excellent, they don't flow together well. The overall effect is like stop and go traffic.

Example:

Kanashimi no Belladonna was the last of three erotic animated features produced by Mushi Productions. It was the only one intended for an arthouse audience, and to not involve Osamu Tezuka. This film likely has more in common with other arty animated films of the era then most of the anime produced then or now. It resembles few anime I have seen, though Gankutsuou and Utena have been influenced by it.

In the four sentences, notice that the sentence starts out immediately with the subject and has the verb follow soon after. Subject verb. Subject verb. Subject adverb verb. Subject verb. Stop and go.

To fix the problem in this case, you need to occasionally throw in transitions at the beginning to keep the work from sounding choppy. Basically bread and butter stuff like "however," "although," "thus," etc. More complex sentences work well too, so long as they are not so long that they lose the reader.

Incidentally, another thing that Vivi has already pointed out (><) is that you shouldn't use "It" without an antecedent. This generally makes for non-descriptive writing. As a good rule of thumb, don't put pronouns into a sentence without antecedents that precede them. Instead, just plug in things like "The anime," "the film," "Kanashimi no Belladonna," "the movie," etc.

Here's how I would rewrite the example paragraph:

Kanashimi no Belladonna was the last of three erotic animated features produced by Mushi Productions and was the only one to not involve Osamu Tezuka. Intended for an arthouse audience, the film likely has more in common with other arty animated films of the era then most of the anime produced then or now. Though Gankutsuou and Utena have been influenced by the film, it resembles few anime that I have seen.

Obviously you don't have to use my revisions word for word but I hope you can see what I'm getting at here. The idea is to have a paragraph with lots of variety in its sentence structure. I would recommend looking over the review with this in mind.

Also, this is pretty minor, but don't capitalize the first letter after a colon.

[sothis]

[side note: valondar, you'll definitely be added to the site reviewer list :) i do agree with viva that the only thing left which i think will dramatically improve your writing style is the stop-and-go element].