Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi

[purplemo]

In my complete boredom of meticulously caring for ZERO patients the other day (again!!) and my recent conversations over the AP . . . umm, other side (?), I was playing around with dredging up a somewhat obscure anime from a relatively recent time (1995 is kind of the line for me) and had some fun drafting a review. I figure I would put it up; it would go in the trash otherwise (plus the anime is not yet on the AP as I could find). Not the best writing out there by any means, but at the very least readable. ;p

I will get on the synopsis before the end of the weekend sothis. And again, tell me if you for any reason need screens, though it seems like you have them already.


Story 5/10

As a first caveat, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is a children's show dedicated to the victims, a show created to show the devestation of the Great Hanshin (or Kobe as it is known outside Japan) earthquake while also showing the resolve and sense of community in its aftermath. In that light, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi does a decent job. For a more general audience, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is about as bland as one can get.

Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi's story is rather unremarkable, following a group of 6th graders caught in the earthquake and a few of the other victims in their shelter. There truly is not much to say about the story, as there are no major trials to go through (rather surprising given the circumstances). Kazuyuki's story was the one with the most potential to either tug at the heartstrings and/or show a triumphant story, but it instead spent a lot more emphasis on one of his more boring issues, that being a pseudo-hikkikomori from school and, of all things, and saying his name during graduation. Even for a story aimed at children Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi could have done much better.

Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi’s main emphasis is on the community joining together, either working to free a trapped resident or visiting the old folk once they get in their new homes. However, while there are numerous episodes of these events, not a single one is fleshed out and many of them feel as if they were jerry-rigged into the main stream, breaking up the (albeit tepid) flow of the story. Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi could have definitely been improved by cutting down these events and focusing more on the remainder.

Animation 6/10

For a show done in the mid-90s Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi could just have easily been a low budget movie from the late-70s. There's a fair number of scenes with static backgrounds and one object moving in a very "3-D picture book" way. While not especially ugly, there is nothing noteworthy about the animation. Neither are the characters noteworthy, being neither especially attractive or ugly.

Sound 5/10

In terms of music, there is, well . . . almost none. There are occasional melodies playing during the more emotional scenes, but for the most part Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is devoid of music. This is not as bad as one would think however, as it gives a bit more realism to the show. There's something to be said about watching a pan of destruction without any music, though it would have been nice to have ambient sound with it. As for that, there's not much to say about sound effects in the show. It was, like the animation, neither good nor bad. It did its job, and not one iota more.

The voice acting I have trouble with. On the one hand, the stuttering speech of many of the children does bother delivery and flow. On the other hand, I feel that I have been so used to it in anime that it feels right (despite the fact that children, especially that old, do not have that much trouble with fluidity). This aspect of Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi did not especially bother me, but will definitely bother some people.

Characters 4/10

Ah the characters. What can I say? None of them are especially noteworthy. Even Tsuyoshi, our main character, comes off as an unlikeable brat at first and ends off a thoroughly average and rather forgettable character. Kazuyuki, the main side character, is another completely forgettable character. While his situation could warrant him a decent amount of sympathy, the fact that his main triumph at the end of Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is that he can say his name in public (him being just shy) says much about the depth of the trials in Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi despite the earthquake. None of the other characters are memorable.

Overall 6/10

Those looking for a Barefoot Gen or Grave of the Fireflies experience should look elsewhere. Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is neither as deep or emotionally taxing as those two. Nor is the production value comparable. At its roots, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is a children's show meant to highlight the good that came from the earthquake (the "year of volunteerism" and sense of community) and should be seen as such. Even with those lens however, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is an average and forgettable show. It has its moments, but none strong enough to moisten the eyes. Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is more about community fortitude and will thus have its occasional sappy moments. However, if one wishes to see the Kobe earthquake (albeit through a rosier pair of glasses than reality), this is worth a view. Otherwise it is a thoroughly average show for older children.

Edit: Ah crap, wrong area. Someone move this please.

[VivisQueen]

I really enjoyed reading your review. I think you have a fairly easy to read style and your vocabulary is decent. You do justify your ratings very well i.e. the tone matches what I'm reading more or less. Hope you write more. Moar!

[mariprosa]

I really liked reading your review as well, purplemo. Nice diction and you make your points flow very well sequentially.

[VivisQueen]

As I mentioned before, generally the problem is syntax - that's what Sheex calls it (I call it jumbled up sentences and ideas that don't quite flow). Anyway, I will point out the specific problems below, also saying why the change is needed. Bold is an excerpt of your text, and italics is counterexamples. PM me with any issues.

Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi's story is rather unremarkable, following a group of 6th graders caught in the earthquake and a few of the other victims in their shelter. Here is an instance where the sentence is kinda muddled. Either change the comma to a semi-colon or change the beginning of the second fragment to make it follow on better.

Chikyu ga ugoita Hi's story is rather unremarkable; it follows a group of 6th graders...

Chikyu ga ugoita Hi's story is rather unremarkable as it simply follows a group of 6th graders...

There truly is not much to say about the story, as there are no major trials to go through (rather surprising given the circumstances). I would put the second fragment in an active voice and also maybe integrate the stuff in the brackets to become part of the sentence. Also, remove that comma.

There truly is not much to say about the story as the characters don't go through any major trials (which is rather surprising given the circumstance).

There truly is not much to say about the story; the characters don't go through any major trials, which is rather surprising given the circumstances.

Kazuyuki's story was the one with the most potential to either tug at the heartstrings and/or show a triumphant story, but it instead spent a lot more emphasis on one of his more boring issues, that being a pseudo-hikkikomori from school and, of all things, and saying his name during graduation. This is a run on sentence. It just packs too many fragments (bits between commas) and too many ideas into one sentence and is subsequently hard to follow. I recommend adding a semi-colon here and there or splitting the sentence into two. Also, watch your grammar - you don't 'spend a lot of emphasis' - you PUT a lot of emphasis on something. I also removed a superfluous 'and' from the final fragment. I will bold the changes in the following example.

Kazuyuki's story was the one with the most potential to either tug at the heartstrings and/or show a triumphant story. In stead, it put a lot more emphasis on one of his more boring issues - that of being a pseudo-hikkikomori from school and, of all things, saying his name during graduation.

For a show done in the mid-90s Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi could just have easily been a low budget movie from the late-70s. I would change the word 'done' to a more specific/descriptive word. 'Done' is very colloquial and really kinda meaningless. Or you could even write the sentence in such a way that you can cut it out entirely. And you need a comma after 'mid-90s'.

For a show created/produced/aired/released in the mid-90s, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi could have easily been (or 'could just as easily have been') a low budget movie from the late-70s.

For a mid-90s show, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi could just as easily have been a low budget movie from the late-70s.

While not especially ugly, there is nothing noteworthy about the animation. Neither are the characters noteworthy, being neither especially attractive or ugly. You have repetition here of the word 'noteworthy' for no real good reason. Avoid close repetition whenever possible because 1) it's distracting to read, and 2) words lose their impact when repeated. Moreover, you use the exact same description for your character designs as you do for your animation in general i.e. that they are not noteworthy and not particularly ugly. That's not gonna convey much to the reader. Preferably, you should rewrite the entire paragraph to be a little more specific about the strengths and weaknesses of the animation, but I don't think you feel up to that. As a quick-fix second resort, I suggest cutting out the second sentence about the character designs (since it'd be covered by animation in general) and just leaving the animation part. Readers will get a general gist whilst not being bombarded with unnecessary repetition.

In general, while it is not especially ugly, there is nothing noteworthy about the animation either.

This is not as bad as one would think however, as it gives a bit more realism to the show. If you can avoid writing 'one' or 'you', then always change the sentence to do so. If it means writing 'I', then this is preferred. So, you could rewrite to:

The effect is not actually as bad as it sounds, since the lack of music adds to the show's realism.

There's something to be said about watching a pan of destruction without any music, though it would have been nice to have ambient sound with it. Correct grammar should make it 'although' at the beginning of the second fragment.

As for that, there's not much to say about sound effects in the show. It was, like the animation, neither good nor bad. It did its job, and not one iota more. The first fragment in the first sentence, what do you mean by 'that'? You're not linking it to anything. Moreover, you could swap the fragments of the other two sentences to create a better flow.

As for the sound effects in the show, there's not much to say about them; like the animation, they were neither good nor bad. They did their job and not an iota more.

(despite the fact that children, especially that old, do not have that much trouble with fluidity) The bits between the comma could easily be integrated with the rest of the sentence to allow for a more fluid progression.

(despite the fact that children of that age shouldn't have that much trouble speaking fluidly)

Even Tsuyoshi, our main character, comes off as an unlikeable brat at first and ends off a thoroughly average and rather forgettable character Should be 'and ends up a thoroughly...' Also, mind giving a bit of detail as to why? For example 'and ends up a thoroughly average and forgettable character because he never does anything'? Also, change 'our main character' to 'the main character'. Like 'you' and 'one', avoid it whenever possible.

Kazuyuki, the main side character, is another completely forgettable character. While his situation could warrant him a decent amount of sympathy, the fact that his main triumph at the end of Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is that he can say his name in public (him being just shy) says much about the depth of the trials in Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi despite the earthquake. Firstly, you have repetition of 'forgettable' here after you've already used it earlier in the same paragraph. A thesaurus is always useful just to get a mix of vocabulary. You also repeat 'character' and 'Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi', which is unnecessary, and breaks the flow of the sentence because it's such a long and awkward title. Finally, I'd cut the last sentence because you already say at the beginning of the paragraph that all of the characters are forgettable.

Kazuyuki, the main side character, is also unmemorable. While his situation could warrant him a decent amount of sympathy, the fact that his main triumph at the end of the movie is that he can say his name in public (because he's shy) says much about the depth of the trials in Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi.

Those looking for a Barefoot Gen or Grave of the Fireflies experience should look elsewhere. Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is neither as deep or emotionally taxing as those two. I'd make the two sentences flow more easily by using a semi-colon in stead of a full stop (or period as it's said in the US :P). That's because they are working with the same idea and are both rather short. If you repeat short sentences, you kinda get a choppy feel to the text, if you get my meaning.

Nor is the production value comparable. Should be 'Nor are the production values comparable'. You're talking about the production values of three different anime, no?

Even with those lens however, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is an average and forgettable show. It has its moments, but none strong enough to moisten the eyes. Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is more about community fortitude and will thus have its occasional sappy moments. However, if one wishes to see the Kobe earthquake (albeit through a rosier pair of glasses than reality), this is worth a view. Otherwise it is a thoroughly average show for older children. Again, watch your singular-plural distinction. Should be 'even with that lens' or 'even through that lens'. You use the word 'forgettable' again, and repeat the word 'average' even when it's not necessary to do so. Other bits have also been amended to add flow e.g. using semi-colon, and I cut one of the sentences and moved its important ideas into the one before (because it was just repeating ideas and/or didn't really connect with anything else you were saying).

Even through that lens, however, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is an average show at best - it has its sappy moments, but none strong enough to moisten the eyes. Having said that, if one wishes to watch a story about the Kobe earthquake (albeit through a rosier pair of glasses than reality), this is worth a view.

Right, that's it. It looks like a lot, but it really is only minor changes to do with syntax, flow, and grammar. My general advice for self-editing is this:

1) When you're reading through your review, make sure every sentence connects with what comes before in some way. Get used to mixing up those phrases like 'However' and 'On the other hand' and 'Although' etc because they're useful for connecting ideas.

2) Whenever possible change words using a thesaurus in order to avoid repetition. After the tenth time you use the words 'average' and 'forgettable', they lose their meaning altogether. Firstly, I get the fact that you mean they aren't particularly bad or stunning, but the words are simply vague in themselves. A bit more description really helps to give a sense of what you're talking about. Secondly, the repetition in itself is distracting, but also superfluous.

3) Get used to writing 'I' rather than 'you' and 'one'. I'm of the mind that 'I' should be avoided whenever possible as well, but if it's necessary to refer to a viewer, then write 'I', because these are your opinions and it simply sounds more professional/elegant to just admit it's your view than to go with a vague, meaningless 'one'.

4) As a general note, I really enjoyed your review because of some of the good phrases and descritions you've fit in there. The mid-90s/late-70s comparison is just one great example. You really bring across what this show is about. Looking forward to more of this.

[purplemo]

Originally Posted by VivisQueen

My general advice for self-editing is this:

1) When you're reading through your review, make sure every sentence connects with what comes before in some way.

Hehehe. I never read it until after your post (I wasn't that bored on peds neuro). Yet another reason I pushed for someone else to review. ;p

Anyhoo, here's a revision.

Story 5/10

As a first caveat, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is a children's show dedicated to the victims of the devastation of the Great Hanshin (or Kobe as it is known outside Japan) earthquake while showing the resolve and sense of community that spawned in its aftermath. In that light, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi does a decent job. For a more general audience, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is about as bland as a show can get.

Following a group of 6th graders and other neighborhood victims, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi story is remarkably unremarkable. Given the circumstances the characters are put in it is amazing how little in the way of trials and tribulations each characters faces. Kazuyuki's story was the one with the most potential to either tug at the heartstrings and/or show a triumphant story. Yet it spent more emphasis on one of his more boring issues, that being a pseudo-hikkikomori from school and, of all things, and saying his name during graduation. Even for a story aimed at children Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi could have done much better.

However, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi’s main emphasis is on the community joining together, either working to free a trapped resident or visiting the old folk once they get in their new homes. While there are numerous episodes of these events, not a single one is fleshed out and many of them feel as if they were jerry-rigged into the main stream, breaking up the already tepid flow of the story. Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi could have definitely been improved by cutting down these events and focusing more on the remainder.

Animation 6/10

For a show from the mid-90s Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi could just have easily been a low budget movie from the late-70s. There's a fair number of scenes with static backgrounds and one object moving in a very "3-D picture book" way. As a whole the animation is neither ugly nor attractive; it just exists.

Sound 5/10

In terms of music, there is, well . . . almost none. There are occasional melodies playing during the more emotional scenes, but for the most part Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is devoid of music. This is not as bad as I would have thought however, as it gives a bit more realism to the show. There's something to be said about watching a pan of destruction without any music, though it would have been nice to have a solid ambient sound score to go with it. And regarding sound effects, like the animation, it was neither good nor bad. It did its job and not one iota more.

The voice acting I have trouble with. On the one hand the stop-and-go speech of many of the children does bother delivery and flow. On the other hand I feel that I have been so used to it in anime that it feels right (despite the fact that children, especially that old, do not have that much trouble with fluidity). This aspect of Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi did not especially bother me, but will definitely bother some people.

Characters 4/10

Ah the characters. What can I say? None of them are especially noteworthy. Even Tsuyoshi, our main character, comes off as an unlikeable brat at first and ends off a thoroughly average and rather forgettable character, feeling more a spectator than participant to the story’s events. Kazuyuki, the main side character, is another completely unremarkable character. While his situation could warrant him a decent amount of sympathy, the fact that his main triumph at the end of Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is that he can say his name in public (him being just shy) says much about the depth of the trials in Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi despite the earthquake. None of the other characters are memorable.

Overall 6/10

Those looking for a Barefoot Gen or Grave of the Fireflies experience should look elsewhere; that kind of depth and emotion (and production value) will not be found here. At its roots, Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi is a children's show meant to highlight the good that came from the earthquake (the "year of volunteerism" and sense of community) and should be seen as such. Yet even through those lens Chikyu ga Ugoita Hi comes off at best an average show. It has its moments, but none strong enough to moisten the eyes. However, if one wishes to see the Kobe earthquake (albeit through a rosier pair of glasses than reality), this is worth a view.