i dont have as much feedback for this one - quite solid. a few things though:
-like my feedback to kira, watch out for a lot of 'the' and try to change it up a bit. sometimes good, but often i think slight rewording would work better:
'With the use of such exorbitant moves the matches themselves become over-the-top extravaganzas that seem more like a clash between rival ninjas than a game between two high school boys.'
=>By using such...
'Designed to entertain – not educate – the generous comedic content displayed in Prince of Tennis perfectly complements the exorbitant matches. '
(first off, - should really be used as an aside, this isn't really an aside)
=> Designed to entertain rather than educate, Prince of Tennis' generous supply of comedy perfectly complements its exorbitant matches' (usually 'it' isn't a great word to use, but i think it fits here a lot more than 'the')
Quote:
|
However, even though the score fits admirably with the series, it feels as if few risks were taken and instead the safer, more generic path was chosen.
|
can you describe more what you mean by this?
Quote:
|
However, kudos does go to the actor who voiced Horio. The blaring and almost nasal voice attributed to him, served only to make Horio
|
'however' doesn't really make sense here as you're not giving a counterpoint to the prev sentence.
'Special kudos go to Horio's voice actor. His blazing and almost nasal voice serve to make Horio all the more irritating - a perfect fit for his character'
Quote:
|
The almost satirical qualities that Prince of Tennis demonstrates throughout become without a doubt its greatest strength.
|
as i'm not an english major i can't say for sure, but i think this is passive voice? good (imo) sometimes, but at other times i think flow is improved by changing to active.
in this case, 'Prince of Tennis demonstrates almost satirical qualities that become, without a doubt, its greatest strength'
'who, like me,' ('like me' isn't really an aside)
yeah - solid review, this one. i think if you do a once-through and evaluate your 'the's' and 'however's', itll sound even better. ^^
