Allright. It's been a while since I've done something like this so bear with me as I try to find my way again.I did quite a lot of them in the past on a different website which you can find here: http://legendsofsatura.net/index.php/forum125/6-reviewing-guild.html
....They probably aren't very good though but please do stop by if you have the time and inclination. Originally the site was for writers, mostly original but also fanfiction.
Also I'm Dutch so there will be spelling errors. If you find them annoying give me a shout and I'll try to fix them.
Oh, I will try to keep spoilers to a minimum but there will be some. Usually the worse I rate an anime the more spoilers this will contain. You have been warned
So, you have probably already read what the animation is about in the discription given by Anime-Planet, which is the same as on the box. I will therefore try not go into the story that much unless I'm ranting about something (spoilers).
ART: It's servicable at best but at time it is simply attrocious. Pay special attention to the background when the school is shown as this was so bad that it was close to unwatchable. I have seen better screen savers than this. How do you mess up a background?!
SOUND: For a anime where music is very important it was utterly bland and every character played the same piece over and over again, regardless what they were doing. Pholon especially was hilarious in that he sounded axactly the same now as he did as a child while singing.
CHARACTERS: Pholon is the main character and you follow him on his path to become a Dantist. He cares deeply for spirits and wishes for humans and spirits to life together in peace. He calls his spirit Corti instead of her full name.
Crimson Annihilator (Corticarte Apa Lagranges) is a very powerful spirit known for her destructive powers. Drawn to Photon's singing she decides to get into a contract with him but is interrupted before it is completed. 10 years later she is freed but her imprisonment has had a price in that she now has the body of a 15 year old girl.
Dantists are humans who can create a contract with spirits using music as a medium. Together they are able to perform great feats of power and lagend has it that 4 great Dantists created the world from nothing.
Terrorists..... Yes I know that they have a name but I forgot and I have no intention of looking it up. Their goal is the destroy the world and create their own in its place.
STORY: To sum it up in one word..... Stupid. Everything that happens is stupid. Characters are stupid, their actions are stupid and so are their motivations but allright here is what really goes on in this anime.
10 years ago a group of powerful dantists tried to destroy the world but were eventually defeated. A young Pholon came into contact with a powerful spirit, drawn by his singing, and tried to make a contract with him. She is interrupted and flees while Pholon dicides then and there to become a Dantist.
SPOILERS!
Oh, how to describe the sheer level of stupid compressed in this anime. First lets start with the government. Ten years ago they brought together the top Dantists to stop the terrorist organisation that was trying to destroy the world.
If you are wondering why they want to destroy the world than keep on wondering. It is never explained in the anime. Moving on.
The Dantist manage to kill the terrorist leader and the government immediately calls off all further action. To compare it would be the US stopping any and all counter terrorist actions after killing Osama Bin Laden.
Well, we killed the leader so obviously the REST of the organisation is now completely harmless and should fade away into nothing!
....Uh, sir?
FADE AWAY INTO NOTHING! We have obviously nothing to fear from these powerful individuals who tried to destroy the world now that their leader is dead!
....ok? .... You do know that several city blocks just got firebombed right?
Meh, surely some unrelated incident!
Ah, good times when I saw that part pass by in the anime. Since then the terrorist group has continued their reign of terror and attacks are a every day occurence by now. The government is completely and utterly useless in stopping them and barely get mentioned in the anime so meh.
The terrorists succeed in destroying the world and everyone in it: Actually no but in all honesty they should have.
Pretty much everything in the anime is utterly predictable and characters are beyond stupid and the terrorists actually succeed in getting what they want.
Don't ask me how they found the 4 lehendary musical instruments as it is never explained. They spend years searching for the one at the school and literally found the rest within a simgle episode. Not only that but we only get to see the aftermath where the terrorists make off with the instruments.
All they need is the musical score but it is very hard to get. Only spirits who were there at the time have heard it so it has to be extracted from a greater spirit. Someone like Corti ... who just happens to be send straight to them as a member of the assault team.
Corti gets captured and this gets us the biggest idiot: Phoron! Remember that Corti is the final key needed for destroying the world and that time is of the essence. Fortunately Phoron cares deebly for her and is willing to do anything to save her. Which is why he runs full out into the enemy base, screaming her name.
Then he comes acros a teammate who just defeated a powerful spirit and is resting up. Phoron stops and asks if the guy needs help and only leaves when the guy reminds him that he is supposed to save Corti.
He rushes off only to run into another squad member who is fighting someone WHO DOES NOT HAVE A SPIRIT GUARDIAN ANYMORE. Please take special note of this as Dantists can use spirits they are most powerful when working with a contracted spirit. This person no longer has it since it died and Phoron's squad member is not only a powerful Dantist but is also linked to a powerful spirit.
Dispite this huge difference in power, Phoron, once again stops and asks if he can be of assistance. His squad member chews him out telling him to get his ass in gear and sane Corti and the world.
Understandibly he arrives shortly after Corti has been forced to give up the score needed to unmake the world and is slowly fading into nothingness,
CORTI! NNNNNNOOOOOO!!!! I would have made it in time but I saw the most beautiful wallpaper several halls back and the coffee maker before that had an excellent brew that had to taste! It. Was. Amazing! You must tell who your supplier is!
Can you tell that I don't like Phoron much?
Name dropping. Name what? Name dropping, a tried and tested method of introducing your characters by having them use the other characters names IN EVERY SENTENCE! Seriously. It is in almost every sentence uttered and not just in the beginning but throughout the series and it is very annoying.
Try it sometimes. When you are at work or school try to keep up how often you use someones name in a conversation. I found that I did use names a lot but pnly when I was trying to get someones attention. When there are just 2 people in the room there is no need to use the name of the other person because there is nobody else there so anything you say is meant for the other person unless that person is not paying attention but even then you can opt to not using the name.
Secrecy is for wimps. Needs some explaining. At the end of the series the good guys learn the location of the terrorists (probably leaked by the terrorists who came in, whacked someone over the head repeadedly with a map and than left the map before leaving).
Anyhow, the team goes on a secret super stealth mission to retrieve the instruments and stop the terrorists once and for all. To do this they even have a stealth plane that is invisible to spirits, thus ensuring that they will not be shot out of the sky before getting there.
Considering that they want Corti there is very little chance of that anayway but moving on.
Just before they board the plane 2 friends of Phoron come rushing up to say thair goodbeys and.....Wait, what?
The team is ready to depart on this crucial super tp secret mission.... and these 2 freshmen girl come running up to say goodbye. Let me repeat: THIS SUPER TOP SECRET! mission that will decide the fate of the world!
How did they learn of this mission? How did they know where they would leave on this mission? How did they manage to enter the millitary base where said top secret mission was departing from? How did they manage to cross hundreds of yards of open tarmac to the plane without being shot to pieces by millitary guards? ....Where are the millitary guards?
I know that it is cheap to the the Osama card again but did you know that when Seal team 6 left on their top secret mission to stop Osama that they were waved out by their wives, girlfriends, old school friends and relatives? Yeah, bet you didn't know that but that is how top secret millitary missions work. Go figure.
Corti...... Yeah, lets talk about Corti. When we first see her she appears as a woman in her late twenties or early thirties. Although no age is mentioned, powerful spirits such as she are more or less immortal. Corti was around when the world was created so she is old and very powerful.
So when she is unable to complete the contract and locked away for 10 years she 'obviously' reverts to a much younger form of herself. Instead of late twenties she now looks about 15 years old.
Fine. Many creators do that to take their character in a direction that they otherwise wouldn't be able to. I can understand. I also hate it with every fibre of my being as they always fuck it up.
Let me clarify: Corti is centuries, possibly millennia, old. She is a mature spirit, not just physically but also mentally. Putting a mature person in a childs body with chance her appearance BUT NOT HER PERSONALITY!
I'm 41 years old as I'm typing this. If I wake up in a 15 year old body my mental faculty will still be that of a 41 year old because I remember those 41 years of my life and the things I learned in those years. I may mess around a bit but I will NOT start acting like a 15 year old for a very simple reason. There is a 27 year age gap between when I was 15 and a current 15 year old. Customs change, electronics change, society changes. What I did as a 15 year old back in the day is completely dated by todays standards.
So when I get bullied in school I will respond as a 41 year old and report you to the principle or use my 27 years extra experience to beat the shit out of you. My bet is on the principle as it is much easier to do and won't have you spending a night in jail. You can always kick their asses when that fails. See? Experience.
As you may have noticed, Corti, reverts both physically and mentally to that of a 15 year old girl and I absolutely hated it. I dispised it and I almost stopped watching then and there.
It is a often used trick to show more nudity of a young girl (remember, she is a centuries old spirit so it is perfectly ok if I show her tits) but fortunately they don't go there with this anime. Sadly many do *coughmoonphasecough*.
Phoron is a very bad sempai. I kind of feel bad to wail on Phoron again (not really) but it must be said that he sucks. At the school it is customary for the senior students teach the freshman classes (yeah, no idea why either but whatever).
As such Photon is required to teach a class and here is where things go apeshit. He sucks at his job. One of the older students is this rich kid (becoming a Dantist is mostly for the wealthy unless you get a grant like Phoron) and he has been held back a few years in a row. I forgot his name but fortunately I'm good at thinking up names. So Asshole has been held back a few years in a row and instead of kicking Asshole off the school he instead is allowed to stay and do the first year again.
Since Asshole has done the first year a number of times now he knows pretty much the theory by heart (he keeps flunking on the practical side). Since Asshole is bored out of his skull he decides to be the biggest douche he can be and constantly disrupts Phorons' class. Phoron does nothing but stand there.
Dude you are the teacher of the class. You are the Lord and Master of this domein. If someone, anyone gives you shit you are free to punish him. You can kick him out of the room, report him to the principle, stand in the corner, ANYTHING! DO SOMETHING!
Instead the GTP just stands there like the sack of shit that he is and it is the OTHER FRIGGING STUDENTS OF THE CLASS THAT DEFEND HIS HONER AS A TEACHER! Yep, every time Asshole is being a little bitch, Phoron, just stands there and the other students tell Asshole to fuck off and go fuck himself.
But wait! Phoron does nothing as doing something may result in violence and Phoron does not believe in violence. We should all simple get along and live in peace and harmony.
....Dude, I wouldn't put you in charge of watching paint dry. Get the fuck out of the classroom as you clearly unfit to do anything teaching releted.
Padding. Ah, yes. Another annoyance of mine. Padding. I mentioned earlier that the terrorists have searched for the 4 instruments needed to end the world. This search has lasted a decade without succes. Then near the end of the show the creators realized that they had to wrap shit up.
In one or two episodes all the instruments are suddenly found and carried off. How did they know where they were? Not mentioned. You hardly get to see it either as the episodes are more of the same generic bullshit as all the others and you only see the terrorists fly off with their price.
What was so important that they couldn't show this? Well the transformation sequence of Phorons' musical instrument. Yep every time he whips it out we get to enjoy a 20 second cutscene of the thing deploying.
It is at this point where I wonder why Dantists are so powerful. It takes 20 seconds to deploy the instrument and then he has to start playing to support his spirit. Me thinks 20 seconds is plenty of time to shoot several clips of ammunition into him and nip that problem in the butt.
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